This Poem was Submitted By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-02-22 20:35:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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10:26 Revisited

Blue black sheen of sky Hangs like a curtain around us Peirced by only a sprinkling Of stars. Grass under our feet Is cool but not yet damp. It too is a shade of black Here where there is so little  Light. Your hand warm Against my back is solid The wind makes everything else  Unstable. And again your hand Is the only warmth.  The clock In the heart of town just  Visible from the hilltop  Proclaims 10:26. A time That has not changed in years.

Copyright © February 2004 Sandra J Kelley


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-03-07 11:05:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69565
Sandra I already critiqued this one once and it was smehow ost and now my computer is crashing so it will have to be brief but i wanted to let you know how much i like it 10:26 Revisited I can practicaly see it blinking on and off and that is why i would like to see the title just the numbers and in blue print. I know it is a not a digital clock but I still somehow see it blinking. . Blue black sheen of sky Hangs like a curtain around us [Pierced] by only a sprinkling Of stars.  {LOVELY}Grass under our feet Is cool but not yet damp. It too is a shade of black [love the idea of a 'shade' of black'] Here where there is so little  Light. Your hand warm Against my back is solid [amazing image to come out of nowhere=startling] The wind makes everything else  Unstable. [-And] again your hand Is the only warmth.  The clock In the heart of town just  Visible from the hilltop  Proclaims 10:26. [GREAT} A time That has not changed in years. Time stopped - for me reading this wonderful poem


This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-29 21:57:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54545
Dear Sandra. I admire the way that a reader can visualize each of your poems. I especially like the beginning. Using a curtain as a metaphor for the sky is beatutiful. It makes yu feel wrapped in that curtain, in your own little world. The stars piercing the black velvety (as I picture it) sky. The senses are alive with the feeling of the grass underfoot, cool but not yet damp from the dew, and the warmth of his hand on your back. The wind may make everything else unstable all around you, but you know you are stable with the warmth of his hand there to steady you. The clock in the heart of town that says to you "time has stopped" reinforces the feelings you have while you are with your loved one. Also tells me that your feelings also have not changed through the years. I liked this one very much. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-25 11:48:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56818
Poet: Good title for it grabs your attention and draws you into the read......good free verse with active allits (blue black; little light; and again) which combines with the simile (...like a curtain...), vivid images nd a nice rhythmic tone. I wonder if this is a revisit from someone who lived in this town many years ago, or perhaps lovers stopping by for the first time after hearing stories from parents so long ago......peirced is misspelled but typo's happen all the time.....I find it interesting to be able to go back into a place and find things the way they were then.....even if we are dealing with a broken clock on the town clock......."A time that has not changed in years." This refers to the clock being broken for quite some time; thus, 10:26 revisted. Thanks for sharing this nostalgic rememberance with us here on the link. Be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-02-24 12:52:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Sandra--The unique title is attractive and drew me to this piece. This 16 line free verse has active allits (blue black; little light; and again) which combines with the simile (...like a curtain...), internal rhymes (here where there ) and descriptors (cool/damp/wind/unstable/hand/warmth etc, ect) that create vivid imagery as well as produce a nice rhythmic tone. The vantage point from where these 'lovers' are viewing this scene, the 'real' time, as inferenced by evening twilight, "...Peirced (misspelled) by only a sprinkling of stars," is different than the time indicated by the towns' clock (...Proclaims 10:26); this time disparity is cleared up by a supreb twist/turn ending: "A time that has not changed in years." This refers to the clock being broken for quite some time; thus, 10:26 revisted. Thanks for sharing this nostalgic rememberance with TPL. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-24 12:03:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.70000
A very nice piece of work. The, more or less, uncommon use of half rhymes is good. The alliteration is also used very well. Catching the "black" again in a different line location is an attention getter. I wonder if "warm hand" would be better than "hand warm...", I love the repetitive use of the "warmth", too. The poem really emphasizes the ability of memories to haunt us. Well done, write on!
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-02-23 20:34:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
The visual in this is brilliant. "Blue black sheen of sky..." is sooooo romantic. There is a typo...Pierced. That must have been a romantic moment when time stopped, and to feel the hand on your back forever. Thanks for posting...the title is interesting...I assume it was p.m.?
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-02-23 14:43:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86957
Hi Sandra, I'm glad to see your submission again! It's been quite some time that you were absent from the link. This one is quite lovely in each imagery. With only 16 lines, you have completed the definitely warmth thought! The first input is simply splendid: "Blue black sheen of sky Hangs like a curtain around us Peirced by only a sprinkling Of stars." Though, there is a typo "pierced". I like the imagery with the sprinkling of stars. And oh, the ending is very interesting! "The clock In the heart of town just Visible from the hilltop Proclaims 10:26. A time That has not changed in years." Seems to suggest a magic! Very nicely done! Thanks for sharing, Sandra! Blessings, JOrdan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-02-22 22:11:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Sandra - Really nice. I love the sentiment. Then - Now that touch has never felt anything but great on the small of your back. I have just a couple of little tweeks to suggest. They are not critical. They are just sound-changes: Blue black sheen [] sky Hangs [] a curtain around us Peirced [only by] a sprinkling Of stars, and under our feet cool but not yet damp grass too is a shade of black where there is so little Light yet here your hand warm Against my back is solid The wind makes everything [] Undulate[?]. And again your hand Is the only warmth. The clock In the heart of town just Visible from the hilltop Proclaims 10:26. A time That has not changed in years. Just playing with your piece a little. Anyway, this is a keeper, a great tender piece. thanks for sharing it. tom
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