This Poem was Submitted By: Sergio M chavez On Date: 2004-03-01 20:54:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Ego Trip

Looking back I’ve come along way In this journey I chose to take A waste of time A waste of mind. The fire beneath the mask The blade of grass weeps For the comfort of the sun.  I will not justify my ego And I will take me as I am In sickness and in health  And prove loyal to me. By the canyon of the desert Wolves begin to sing The sand is dying once again Whispers in my ear I am the lord’s puppet Bitch, Slut and Whore I am your freak to spit on I am his toilet to shit in. Lost in the labyrinth  Of my insecurities Repetitive nonsense to Rise above it all and see I am only human  I am only human I am only human.

Copyright © March 2004 Sergio M chavez

Additional Notes:
This is probably my last poem here, but you never know what the future holds. Thanks to everyone who has read and critiqued my blabbering. Wish I could be a better person but I never read or critiqued anyone else's poems even though you did to mine. I would feel better if you dont critique and we'll call it even. Good luck with this thing we call life. Peace and Love.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-04-03 13:43:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Sergio: I'm sorry to read this is your last poem here and this is the first of your poems I have critiqued. I have been unable to spend much time on TPL the last few months due to health problems but I will always enjoy this web site. Your title arouses the reader's curiosity: where is he going with "Ego Trip"? Your format of free verse seems apt for your poem and the only change I would suggest as far as form is to change Stanza 2 to quatrain as all the others are. The last stanza in tercet is fine as we expect a change therein. "Looking back, I've come a long way In this journey I chose to take A waste of time A waste of mind." The stanza is perfectly metered and the reiteration in the last two lines works well. This sounds profoundly sad, that the narrator is looking back at his journey and calling it a waste of time and mind. The journey seems to be of significant duration because of the words "a long way." Stanza 2, IMO, needs another line between first and second. "The blade of grass weeps for the comfort of the sun" is a wonderful phrase, a unique metaphor. "I will not justify my ego And I will take me as I am In sickness and in health And prove loyal to me." Speaker parodies the marriage vows to declare his self acceptance. Of course, as humans, we all want unconditional love but rarely find it. Perhaps from our parents or spouses but that is all too infrequent. I think you have squared the circle with the ideation of self acceptance...the most vital acceptance of all. Stanza 4 echoes the sentiment of Stanza 2: a contrast of nature with self and the journey speaker is taking. At my mother's house, I can hear wolves howling at night so I especially like your line: "Wolves begin to sing." I find the line "The sand is dying once again" purely exquisite. You say, too, that you can hear its whispering as it succumbs. "I am the Lord's puppet Bitch, Slut, and Whore I am your (His?) freak to spit on I am His toilet to shit in." The Lord found dignity and worth in the whores and sluts who sought Him out so your phrasing supports that you are the Lord's puppet indeed. Nice internal rhyme of spit/shit. I like the manner/wording in which you/speaker tells us of your accommodation for the Lord. Stanza 6 tells of a life lost in a labyrinth of insecurities which is a nice choice of words for your metaphor. "Repetitive nonsense" you term it but I think it is "negative capability" as defined by Keats. Accepting the angst and trauma of life as part and parcel of the human condition. Which is exactly what you say in your ending lines: "I am human." No more, no less, take it or leave it, but I am merely a human. An impact at the end which is where we expect more and you certainly deliver. I find your metaphysical portrait of self and journey to comprehension to be a very accomplished poem. I wish I had seen your other work as this is splendid. Your poem causes me to cogitate, to delve into myself as poet has done. These poems which prompt the use of my brain are my favorites. I wish you the best in your life's journey; I can only hope you will continue to write because of the talent I see in this piece of work. Kudos. Mell Morris


This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-03-15 03:58:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hi Sergio, It’s been a ride reading your poems Sergio. God bless you on discovering this life. Just like you, I am not perfect too – which makes this life challenging and more beautiful. Life is beautiful if we will allow it to happen. Yes you are right, “I am only human”…yes, we are all (not only you)! I have been reading this book “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. I recommend you to read this. Reading this does not necessarily mean you need help. For me, I bought this because of curiosity. You are an intelligent person Sergio, this book will see you through your abundant questions in life. The book is not for the righteous, nor for the religious, it is for ordinary people like us. It is very easy to understand and straight to the point. Just like you, sometimes I feel dirty, unloved, worthless, messed-up, afraid, insecure, etc. I can’t promise magic, miracle, or instant answers from this book, but what I can promise is a “smile”. I believe we all deserve even just a smile in this world. This is the only gift I can offer to you…(and your gift to yourself). I pray you would give this book a chance…it won’t harm you anyway. It’s nice knowing you Sergio. Keep in touch. As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-03-12 13:01:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.16667
Will honor your rquest and not critique but will hopefully wish you a journey in life that will allow you to find what you are now searching for and please should you feel like returning to let us know how your journey is progressing please do so......May the Lord bless you always, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-03-11 15:22:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.33333
OMG...I'm not sure why you are leaving. If I have offended you please forgive me. I sure hope that you don't feel shit on or consider yourself to be a bitch, whore, etc. Do you want to talk about it?
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-03-08 12:34:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Sergio, I won't do a formal crit of this piece as per your wishes but I do think it has merit and does show talent in writing and especially the ability to express yourself. It is a shame that you think you should leave TPL and I hope it is not something we did or said that influenced your decision. Good luck in whatever endeavor you choose. Peace Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-03-02 08:10:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I, for one, believe that you will return. You will return because, like me, you want to be heard. And here you are heard and responded to by sentient beings. Whether your "blabbering" is that or Poetry only time will tell, but there is something important happening to you and for you when you exchange ideas with another caring being. If you do leave, I would strongly encourage you to continue writing. In that process of reflection, and for you self-reflection is a popular theme, painfully slow processes are turning your eyes to those corners that need attention. Best wishes to you. tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-01 22:33:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Bye! I think this poem is not worthy of my time to critique, but I would like to register a comment rather than skipping. Sorry, but best wishes for locating some place that makes you happier than you seem to be at this juncture. I do wish you well.
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