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This Poem was Submitted By: Donna L. Dean On Date: 2004-03-09 16:23:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Screenplay

Authenticity is fake Fake authenticity Fake it until you make it Parellel Crime Crime parellel Boomerang blowup Writing is Too Hard Gentle hardship Cassandra's Crisis Cassandra's Cracked head Secrets buried in dirt Too close to the finish to stop now.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-03-11 15:24:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Donna, First of all, I am glad you are back! It seems you have been very busy with business or somethings...Anyway, the first thing that strikes me first glancing on this poem is its terseness and neatness. With only 20 lines, you said the idea of screenplay. The theme is fresh to me, describing a script for a movie, including descriptions of scenes and some camera directions....interesting to note. But you could be telling a metaphorical sense. I am intrigued with the juxtaposition of contrasting description "authenticity" and "fake". I can think of the issue on plagiarism as you mentioned "Parellel Crime". By the way, I consider the spelling "Parallel". Alliteration of 'b' in "Boomerang blowup" seems to suggest a soundtrack and also in Cassandra's/Crisis/Cracked. Nice highlight. This phrase "Secrets buried in dirt" appears to me as an idiomatic expression. That deepens the thought adding to the profundity of the ending. Thanks for sharing, Donna. If you have a special motivating factor behind the composition of this piece, I would appreciate your telling. Write on! Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-03-11 15:18:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.33333
Authenticity is fake Fake authenticity The above is logical, i.e.: if authenticity is fake, therefore fake is authentic. Fake it until you make it (work?). Parellel Crime.....why capitalize the "C?" Crime parellel.....sp. parallel Boomerang blowup Writing is Too Hard..................? capitalizing hard Gentle hardship Cassandra's Crisis...................? the c Cassandra's Cracked head.............? and again the c Secrets buried in dirt Too close to the finish to stop now. All minor flaws but should be corrected. This sounds like a case for CSI Quaint poem basically short and to the point. Thanks for posting

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-03-11 15:14:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.12500
Hi Donna, I have tried to analyze this piece but am doing a lousy job of it! Somehow I am not convinced that it is really about writing a screenplay but if I think of it that way it is easy to understand. Authenticity can be fake ergo the writer would want it to be played that way. However, if you are writing about life there is certainly a lot of 'fakeness' going around. This is a terse but powerful piece with profound words that are compelling to this reader....'secrets buried in dirt too close to the finish to stop now'....life or screenplay...that is my question. You have one little hiccup in 'parallel' but it is not fatal. Very thought provoking piece...makes me ponder. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-09 18:47:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58333
How brief can you be, and remain so complex, my dear Donna? Wow, you said a lot in this staccato-ness. Reversal of the lines concerned me when I read the 1st, but then its effect sank in. Great alliteration and the relationships to life are really put forth with power in the brevity of this. Quite a surprise ending, too. As we approach the finish line, things become clearer, especially the truth. Hope I read this right. Only problems I see: Parellel Crime - [sp. parallel] Crime parellel - [ditto]

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