This Poem was Submitted By: Robert L Tremblay On Date: 2004-03-09 20:39:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Web |
s|I
|
‘ | L
r | o
e | o
d | k
B i | i I
\ u p | n n /
\ t S | g i /
o \ A h I /
\ t| / n
u F u | K o t
\ o r | e o /
s i \ r T | p T / n t
\ A , t /
t t \ t|S / A e
\ e | p /
r T Q i | i S B r
o i \ u | n / a p
p g u \ | / a n r
h h i \ b / t q e
e t v W b|i G i u t
d l e i \ e | n / a n e e
o y r t \ | / p g t d
n- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I, - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -,
H T R h / | \ i L M C
i h e i / i | n \ n o y o
e r s N p|i g v s n
r o t / p \ e t f
o u e / | \ l i i
g g / e | l \ c r
l h D a | t y a m
/ t | p \
y E / h|A \ l A
/ I ; n \
p o / w D | a i \ l y
/ o e | m t \
h N e | u y
/ m|H \ e
i / O | E \
/ n v | s y \
/ a e | ‘ e \
C r | l !
c | i
o | v
m | e
|
e|D
| |
|
Copyright © March 2004 Robert L Tremblay
Additional Notes:
The poem, if traditionally formatted, would read:
But a spider's I looking I in I
For a truth kept too quiet, spins webbing I,
Boustrophedon hierogylphic fit tightly
Through quiver rested within I,
Nipping death; aptly now I deem
Humanity can overcome devil's eye!
I, gaping, sating lovely on a banquet
Mystically interpreted, confirm aye!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-03-26 21:35:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ok, now, THIS is really something! The visual elements are remarkable. You've outdone even yourself, I think.
I like the various wordplaying on "I" and "eye", and the web reminds me of the childhood weaving exercise known as making a "godseye" design. But the speaker seems centered and temporarily trapped in his own web; he has spun it and now cannot leave it. Escape is possible only via an outside rescuer, embodying the divine element of one's existence.
Nice double entendres: "quiver" - the shaking web, or an arrow casing; "nipping" death - forestalling it, or dining as a "nippong death" on the doomed victims; "aye" - yes, or forever.
I especially like L7. The assonance of gaping/sating is appealing, and the whole idea of feasting to fulfilment conveys a spiritual reward as well as the physical act of eating one's prey.
I will never in a million years attempt to write one of these, but I have to admire your complex creations. They take a great deal of focused thought and a spatial reasoning ability that I totally lack.
Regards,
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Leo Wilder On Date: 2004-03-16 13:46:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Wow. I stepped in the sticky stuff again, said the fly.
Nice design Robert.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-03-14 23:59:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Of all of these poems you write I am simply amazed by the technical job of this one. Whew! Just to put anything together as complicated as this one must have taken enormous amounts of time to work out. How to even transfer this work from one medium into another is amazing as well. Add this all to the vocabulary used in the middle there, whew! I am voting for this one just for those reasons alone.
Interesting topic, although for me not as deep as much of your other work. It's intent seems as shallow as the apparent menial work described called living. Some techincal details and a small concern for good vs. evil. I am confused about the end, try as I might several times, so I guess that's why I am left with a bit of that "shallow" feeling. Maybe I missed something, but I tried hard there.
Thanks,
REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-03-11 19:15:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
wow....what a powerful piece to view......the web.....says it all and in such splendor....spiders are not my most favorite insect but this one speaks for itself....thanks for sharing this with us, be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-03-10 10:13:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh, this is something different, Bobby!
I said different because you made use of the slashes and the I
to reinforce the image (making a boundary/lines).
Ah, Boustrophedon! As I researched it, it is
an ancient method of writing in which the lines are inscribed
alternately from right to left and from left to right. Hmm....!
The poem is also powered with metaphor that has a practical application
in life. The web can mean a trap (could be emotional, spiritual and mental).
And this human trap can cause death. As you said,
"Humanity can overcome devil's eye" --- this is the essence of it.
Thanks for sharing, Bob! If you can give explanation what the poem really speaks!
Write on!
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-03-10 09:57:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi Robert. I commented on this poem late last night, but it never did leave my New Poems list. I think
there was trouble on the website. That's a bummer, because trying to chew your cabbage twice is not as
good the second time. I'll just try to re-cap. I was on this site a lot in 2002 and just came back to
take a peek and got hooked. I remember your others like this, and think they'd be most effective all
together in a book. If there is no name for this category, perhaps you could create one. A Web like this
is particularly intriguing, and then your traditional formatting, although I don't understand what you're
saying is perhaps the random thoughts of the spider as he goes about his clear-to-him, confusing-to-me
task. Anyway, I think a book would be a neat way to showcase your talent. Thanks. Marcia McCaslin
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