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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-04-05 15:12:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Come Walk With Me

Come walk with me Lets mingle in the wild and shaggy forest see the majesty of rolling trees as they rub against an azure sky, with leaves that softly scrub angel wings Come walk with me Beside the giddy brooks with borders of lichen ophite, see mystic splendors of cunning corridors and rhythmic spasmodic shadows Come walk with me When the flush of morning folds it's light among shrouded thickets hear the vibrating silence that echoes our fain footsteps Come walk with me Feel a rhapsody of wind weaving its way through steep timber tops whispering a syncopated serenade Lets frolic in His festival of awe

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-05-05 13:41:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
Hi Marilyn, So now you're writing praise songs and doing it so effortlessly. I hope you read and write music too, because it would be a shame not to hear this one on the radio. *smile* I want to see leaves softly scrubbing [wonderful allitteration] angel wings! Actually through the imagry of your words I am. God's Glory is all around and you point out where in this lovely tribute. other nice allits are cunning/corridors, fain/footsteps and syncopated/seranade. Incredable flow and amazing softness! What a sensory delight this is. I see the majesty of the trees, hear the brook and the silence, and feel the wind. Thanks for another of your tributes to the glory of nature all around us! Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-04-30 18:18:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65714
Hi Marilyn, Very religious poem! I mean, this speaks of your true faith! Once again, your words are becoming striking for me, your descriptions are exquisite, I mean you add my vocabularies liek the word "giddy"! Hehe! This poem is participating to the readers. I hope my faith is the same as yours, strengthened. Sometimes, I feel unworthy when I remember the mistakes I've committed. But is part of growing up and learning things in my life. But for sure, I will have the desire to come and walk with you to frolic in His festival of awe. The only unwanted thing I see in the poem is the use of apostrophe in "it's". Bu that is not a big deal. Thanks for sharing, Marilyn. Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-04-25 23:33:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.73333
Hi Marilyn, You are becoming better and better as the months go by! I wouldn’t be surprised if this one will be in the top spot again. “Come Walk With Me” is an incantation between nature and the deep longing of the soul with peace. Hypnotizing and alluring this reader to relax and submit fully to the summoned of nature. I find the repeating line “Come walk with me” very effective! Gradually and successfully outreaching! “Lets mingle in the wild and shaggy forest see the majesty of rolling trees as --- Bonding with nature is a wonderful experience…you are very good in this! I don’t know how you do it, but you are one of my inspirations when it comes to nature. Your love and respect to it shows in your words and the beauties just radiates effortlessly. --- “mingle” – this word won’t go away from my mind…the use of this word is very effective! --- “wild and shaggy forest” – yes, these are majestic “rolling trees”! “they rub against an azure sky, with leaves that softly scrub angel wings” --- Elevating! You have uplifted my sensation in the highest degree! I don’t know how, but this is just awesome! It takes a truly good poet and passion with nature to come up with these ideas and words. Unforgettable! Only you can do this! These two lines alone can win your poem! “Beside the giddy brooks with borders of lichen ophite, see mystic splendors of cunning corridors and rhythmic spasmodic shadows” --- Just wonderful! As always, there is music in your words…there are colors painting in your words. Meaning, you are very good in you choice of words. Nothing I can add more! “When the flush of morning folds it's light among shrouded thickets hear the vibrating silence that echoes our fain footsteps” --- There is mystery (and beauty at the same time) in your words here that captures the unknown splendor of dusk. “echoes our fain footsteps” - this is just stunning in simplicity, plus the alliteration “F” is playful. Overall, great flow! “Feel a rhapsody of wind weaving its way through steep timber tops whispering a syncopated serenade Lets frolic in His festival of awe” --- Nice ending! This is truly a “festival of awe”! The alliteration of “W” for “wind weaving” is nice to the tongue! This is a clever write! The journey of your words here take this reader back to the basic. That when “nature” inspires a person, especially a great poet like Marilyn, unpredictable beauties and depth exudes. Thank you Marilyn for sharing your talent for free…for us to enjoy immensely! How could we repay you back? I hope my comment can match the hard work, effort and inspiration you poured to this entry! (though I know your work is incomparable) :) As always, Erzahl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-16 22:32:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86047
Marilyn, I'd gladly "walk with" you in this wonderland of images, consonance, and alliteration. Beautiful in its rhythm and repetitive title line that, to me, is not boring in the least, only a reminder of that invitation. The sounds, and the silences, you have created is very pleasing to the senses. Only one correction needed. When the flush of morning folds it's - [possessive "its", as you have it = a contraction of "it is"] light among shrouded thickets A beautiful addition, an enjoyable read. Thanks, Wayne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-09 18:48:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mariyn--I can't explain it but this has brought tears to my eyes. I think it was the last line and your reference to God. But even before I got there, this is so what I remember about your work. Do you live in a tree and take notes from there? (just kidding of course, but your nature observations are always so---so---what I remember. Every line is special. And when did you write this? Just curious. Lets mingle in the wild and shaggy forest see the majesty of rolling trees as they rub against an azure sky, with leaves that softly scrub angel wings ...the wild and shaggy forest...the rolling trees...your azure sky...but softly scrub angel wings is best best best! Beside the giddy brooks with borders of lichen ophite, see mystic splendors of cunning corridors and rhythmic spasmodic shadows I love your giddy brooks/borders---lichen ophite...your cunning corridors and smasmodic shadows. You and your keyboard have really been having fun, haven't you. I know what it's like--it's like mainlining something, probably illegal, to have that much fun! When the flush of morning folds it's light among shrouded thickets hear the vibrating silence that echoes our fain footsteps flush/shrouded/silence/echoes/fain/footsteps--this is wrapped in chiffon! with the s and f sounds blending together--sort of the sound the wind through trees makes. (Now Marilyn--I'm often wrong... but isn't it "its" in this case. Nevermind, if I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Feel a rhapsody of wind weaving its way through steep timber tops whispering a syncopated serenade Lets frolic in His festival of awe The rhapsody of wind weaving is another breezy-effect you have managed to give this piece--timber tops/whispering/syncopated/serenade--then the frolic festival and "awe" is a summarizing word to end this poem. This has a songlike, breezy effect which many of your nature poems do, and is an invitation most people, inclulding myself, will find irrisitible (or however that's spelled). LOL. Thanks, Marcia PS--it was at the bottom of my list and I'm learning to "catch" those before they slip away!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-04-09 16:21:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn: Another lovely nature poem from our gifted poet. The sole thing that bothers me (and no one else) is the misuse of it's which I've seen in several of your poems. Stanza 3, line 1, ITS is a possessive and needs no apostrophe. IT'S means "it is." Also LETS in Stanzas 1 and 4 means "let us" and requires an apostrophe: LET'S. Forgive me; I've become so obsessive/compulsive, no one can bear it. I think the stimulator in my back has re-wired my brain. "Come walk with me" is a warm and soothing phrase and is a good title as you weave it throughout the poem. That phrase implies a togetherness and conversation but you utilize same to define and delineate various beauties of nature. Your free-verse quatrains appear soothing in themselves and your linguistics shines. "Let's mingle in the wild and shaggy forest see the majesty of rolling trees (as) they rub against an azure sky, (with) leaves that softly scrub angel wings." The symbolism of nature related to the divine appears here as the leaves of trees brush empyrean angels. "Softly scrub" has a nice, soothing (that word again) sound. "Beside the giddy brooks with borders of lichen ophite, see mystic splendors of cunning corridors and rhythmic spasmodic shadows." I had to look up "ophite" as I thought it had to do with religion so you have expanded the import of the word for me. Thank you; you know I love words! Brooks as giddy is a nice change from babbling and your two alliteratives sound smooth. I also greatly like the hard K sound in seven words. That is rare and only Heaney can wield a consonant as you have done in Stanza 2. (Highest compliment possible). "When the flush of morning folds (its) light among shrouded thickets, hear the vibrating silence that echoes our fain footsteps." You've outdone even yourself here with the four fricative F sounds. I also find folds/shrouded very appealing as well as "vibrating silence." I have not seen the word "fain" since I last read Shakespeare; I think it was one of his favorite words so you are in great company, my dear. "Feel a rhapsody of wind weaving its way through steep timber tops, whispering a syncopated serenade. Let's frolic in His festival of awe." Lovely end stanza, tying nature to the divine, bringing your poem full circle. I posted a poem this month with reeds in a river "serenading" so we are thinking alike. (My poem was written about three months ago but you know what they say about great minds!) "Wind weaving its way" is stunning and "steep timber tops whispering a syncopated serenade" achieves something magical with the plosive sounds and alliterative sounds comprising a high degree of euphony. I find this one of your very best and a winning poem in every sense of the word. Like a painter choosing colors from his palette, your word choices are quite savory herein. I have read this now numerous times and it's clear to me that your muse has found you or you your muse as your nature poems seem divinely inspired. Brava! Standing ovation! (I knew her before she was rich and famous)! Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L. West On Date: 2004-04-09 00:29:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Mom, I just wrote a long critique to this piece and neglected to click that I had read the damn rules and lost the whole critique when I had to go back! I will try to duplicate what I said before... First, I think this needs to be set to music and there is no doubt that it would be a lullaby. I have read this piece many times during this past week from hell and each time, I am calmed. I think it would be wonderful if we could hear the poets read their pieces on this site. Each time I read this piece, I don't hear my voice, I hear yours and it is so comforting. The whole poem is rich with wonderful sights and sounds..I love scrubbing angel wings and hearing the vibrating silence. Wind weaving its way through steep timber tops whispering a syncopated serenade is magical and musical. Once again, you have treated us to a rich tapestry of nature and once again, we are blessed. Love, Sherri

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-04-05 23:59:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn--Great poetic piece! The speaker is inviting the reader(s) on a stupendous nature trek. Each quatrain is a separate resonation of the Supreme's architect as seen through the loving eyes (of the speaker) for both: nature and God. The fresh allits (softly scrub/cunning corridors/spasmodic shadows/fain footsteps/wind weaving/timber tops/syncopated sernade) not only create vivid picturesque images but produce excellent rhythmic tone. If I had a suggestion for improvement, it would be a small one--leave off the first refrain (the title is apt). This does not however, distract from a great read. Thanks for sharing this combination non- literal expression and plain language poem that so truely captures scenes from nature and paint them onto the senses. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-04-05 19:51:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Is it a forestry project? "Let's" is the only problem I see. Marathoner.

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