This Poem was Submitted By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-04-26 20:38:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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ABC's of Life She didn’t remember ever seeing a cardinal
at any time in her childhood in Sudbury
and now having returned after a long absence
she was seeing them every day.
Perhaps it was her father’s or mom's fault
limiting her experiences in her formative years
resulting in a repulsive chain of events
and her living in squalor.
Seeing Brando act out snippets of life's lessons
or perhaps learning morals from Aesop’s fables
conceivably could've helped her accomplish miracles
and avoid the junkie trail.
Flophouses and Pigeon Park were comforting
as were the red devils during her sleigh-ride days
and after graduating to H as her highest faith
cold cells didn’t shake her conviction.
Twenty years later back home with her true love
her new dependency bringing a sense to life
she finally has a steady job and is a contender
and has learned to love the name Stella.
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Copyright © April 2004 Mick Fraser
Additional Notes:
Prosy I know, but I just had to write it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-05-07 17:31:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
Mick, yes a little prosy but you can fix that. You have all the elements for a great poem here. The cardnal is a great symbol to tell this story with and your last line is perfect. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-05-01 07:06:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16418
Mick-
I like. It rumbles and rattles along to Stella. What/Who ever that is! I find it interesting that a heroin addict is a heroine addict again...though doubt that she knows or thinks that way...that's what we all become, addicts of some hero or heroine, if not ourselves.
Peace bro'
tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-04-27 16:41:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Prosy? Interesting, Mick!
I like the way this piece is presented.
The influx of your words just flow nicely throughout as I read.
The inclusion of the proper nouns like Aesop's fable and soon also enhanced originality.
Everyone has an ABC's of life and it is through realizing our own self
that we begin to know it. Thanks for sharing, Mick.
How about your ABC's in life?
Write on.
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-04-27 12:59:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mick:
You know that I admire your work, and this one is no exception. Except, I
feel I ought to know this woman, for whom I feel admiration after reading
your poem. I felt there was a bit of mystery going into it, and for this
reason, and others, it has intensified my interest. The "ABC's of Life"
title intrigues. Then you have several words in caps --"Brando", "Aesop’s",
"H", "Stella" -- I was looking for literal abc's there, and wondered if
"cardinals" could have been capped. There's a Sudbury in Canada, I found.
And then there's Kim Delaney, whose pilot "Sudbury" is about two witches.
Kim, according to the TV Guide "Insider" has recently completed treatment
for alcohol addiction.
But I am giving all that clue-hunting up, and simply going to enjoy the poem
for itself. Here is a woman who was addicted to "red devils" - I believe
these are Seconals, in the barbiturate family, and "H" is street slang
for heroine. Whoever she is, she has made it back to life after near
brushes with death, and perhaps has set aside certain ideals, as Stella
did in the ending of Tennessee William's play.
She didn’t remember ever seeing a cardinal
at any time in her childhood in Sudbury
and now having returned after a long absence
she was seeing them every day.
It is ironic how we see things differently from the perspective of adulthood.
Childhood's mirrors are distorted by our need to protect ourselves from complete
awareness, you imply here.
Perhaps it was her father’s or mom's fault (I suggest "mother" to pair with "father")
limiting her experiences in her formative years
resulting in a repulsive chain of events
and her living in squalor.
Seeing Brando act out snippets of life's lessons
or perhaps learning morals from Aesop’s fables
conceivably could've helped her accomplish miracles
and avoid the junkie trail.
After reading this stanza, I thought long and hard about how what seems to be
'destiny' can be avoided - or could it? Is there a genetic predisposing factor,
or perhaps another, less tangible one, which predetermines the 'fate' of some?
Is it family dynamics, the culture in which one matures, or perhaps even the
expected gender role? These are bits, I think - "snippets of life's lessons"
and "fables" heard. It would take miracles, you imply, for her to have
avoided the "junkie trail."
Flophouses and Pigeon Park were comforting
as were the red devils during her sleigh-ride days
and after graduating to H as her highest faith
cold cells didn’t shake her conviction.
You show vividly the impact of addiction. The way you use "conviction" to imply
both sentencing to punishment for a crime or belief in a compelling truth. Both
seem to apply in this instance.
Twenty years later back home with her true love
her new dependency bringing a sense to life
she finally has a steady job and is a contender
and has learned to love the name Stella.
We cannot help but reflect on the role of "Stella" in the play, and wonder
if this woman fills that role, and also if her name is the same or similar,
or if we are thinking of the deeper meaning -- "star" or a host of other
associations. "new dependency" contrasts with the earlier ones in that it
seems to bring her happiness, allow her to be "a contender" and to accept
herself.
Well-done, thoughtful work. I don't mind the prose-like quality. The poem
feels not forced, but flowing, something you 'had' to write. I am now
extremely curious about the writer's intent for this work.
Kudos!
All my best,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-04-27 11:58:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56250
Dear Mick,
Please know that I have a great deal of respect for you for several reasons. 1) you are a poet and you are writing and posting poems to share with others. 2) you take constructive criticism very well. 3) because you take criticism well, you will learn a lot and grow tremendously as a poet. Please keep that in mind if I'm too blunt in my critiques. I'm all about getting down to business and leaving the interpretation up to you. Take what is helpful and leave the rest. That's what my mom says.
Okay, so I get the whole Streetcar references here. Is Blanche your main character of inference? I liked the Brando (as if stanley kuwalkski was simply an actor playing a part) and Stella (stella for star!) reference at the end. Very nicely done. Yeah, it was a bit prosey. I think the trick to using prosey poetry effectively, is to write the lines in a way that the reader has to do the work of interpreting meaning. Just make sure you don't spell it out too much for us, let us arrive at the ending ourselves. Some great voice and tension and mood here. I liked this one. Your details are great and very fine tuned. I would suggest going with one or the other on the first line, second stanza: either father and mother or dad and mom, not one of each. Otherwise, a good poem, and thank you for sharing it with us!
Warm regards (looking forward to more of your poems!)
Don
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-26 21:44:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57471
Prosy maybe, but I can commend you for this post regardless. Really letting it out with power comes from "had to write" many times. I know - been there, done that. [No, not the drugs, but the "had to".] I'll not even attempt to edit a bit of it. It has rhythm, image strength AND emotion to spare. The truth sometimes makes the best poetry, even better than fantasy and dreams at times. I am sure there is a personal relationship that goes with this, and I hope they appreciate it as much as I did when reading it. Guess I'm rambling, so.... best wishes,
Wayne
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