This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-04-28 21:26:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Blue Dragonfly

It's hard to see  you next to green, but for the slight  toss of your head. Your eyes seem to sweep this space for flickeringings, perhaps  for a mate or marauder.  Were you placed on this branch,  a sparkling adornment left by an aesthetic angel? When you fly close,  dipping low as if to  graze my skin, I wonder if you divine another  life form watching you,  in motionlessness hope  you’ll stay a moment  longer. How you gratify  my splendor hunger!

Copyright © April 2004 Joanne M Uppendahl


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-05-07 15:08:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83871
Hi Joanne, My first reaction is a loud and resounding GLORY! I'm on a Joanne binge today, so I hope you don't mind if I bombard you with comments on your poetry on the last day of the contest, before they all disappear from my list. I need to find a way to spread them out, so I can use them to sustain me all month long, instead. This like is like a boutonniere on the Almighty's lapel. I've always considered dragonflys as magical fairy-like creatures. Surely they must be as you say, "a sparkling adornment left by an aesthetic angel?" And just like magical things, it is hard to see them untill a little toss of the head as you so aptly put it. The "E" assonance is enchanting, as the fleeting moment described within."S" sounds sweep through flying high and low. The contrast and consonance of mate/marauder shines here, or should I say flickers with light. :) I love watching the dragonflys while lazily sailing on a no-wind summer day. Just to lay back and catch the twinkle of light as the sun captures it's transluscent wings just right or see them dancing one on one floating atop the water. ahh, thanks for the chance to linger in that thought a moment. That's one for the winter daydreams, isn't it! Yes, I love that sweeping thing they do. You captured that so well in the second stanza! You personify and give them a remarkably charming ability to percieve what they don't see(you standing there unmoving). Oh , but the last line! "How you gratify my splendor hunger!" Yes! Hungry for the splendor of the Glory of God! Thanks for this little hymm. And Blessings, Jennifer


This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-05-06 22:03:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.03846
Dear Joanne, I love sharing the world you see. You write so descriptively and beautifully and I can always see and hear and feel what you are talking about. Erzahl might be the king of haiku, but you are the queen of nature poetry. Your ability to convey so much with so few words is remarkable. I see you have a rewrite, don't see how you could make this any better. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-05-04 10:14:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.35714
Hi Joanne; TY for another writing lesson. In this piece, you taught me that the creations we write don't have to be obscure to be appreciated. Rather, if one uses simple structures with well chosen words a beautiful work can emerge. I love this poem. I also love your passion for nature and the natural beauty that can be found in all creatures. I too sit in the bleachers far back from the action to allow me to admire the interplay of all species. Unfortunately I sometimes get too involved in the action and I can't recognize the exquisiteness that is offered...I guess that we are all gulity of taking things for granted at times. The images you portray were clearly visible for me. I spend much time in the presence of dragonflies on my golf course and I can easily imagine the flickering eyes, the quick head movements and this wonderful being bringing the splendor you desire. Joanne...please keep writing these types of poems. It may sound selfish to ask this, because I am sure that you enjoy writing your other wonderful works too, but your nature pieces are enlightening and are well suited for lifting the spirits of anyone. In my view, if you haven't compiled a chapbook or book of them, you should seriously consider doing so. Thanks again for once again opening my eyes and making me smile. Mick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-04-30 16:43:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65714
Hi Auntie Joanne, I remember your previous submission about the spider. Now, you personified the dragonfly interestingly. How you manage to see the things around you in intimate details. You have a keen eye for observing things in your surroundings. The throwing of the questions is a nice way to make the readers participate on the idea. The only thing that made me pause to provide a suggestion is the last line: "How you gratify my splendor hunger!" I think "splendor" should be adjective. Not sure. Anyways, this poem makes urges me to observe my surroundings so I can write about it in my next pieces. My themes as of this time are love and family. Thanks for sharing this, Auntie Joanne. Have a wonderful day, Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-04-29 13:38:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68966
Joanne–It’s been quite some time since I’ve seen one of these insects that remind me of a miniature bi-plane. And, I can’t ever remember seeing a blue one. This piece gave me both a literal and figurative thought/slant. In one sense it is almost like the speaker is having a regular conversation with a “Blue Dragonfly:” direct plain language used to express admiration for one of God’s many fascinating and likeable creatures. On the other hand, from a metaphoric stand point, perhaps an omen/visit via a reincarnate. Some factions believe that departed loved ones reveal themselves to us often (sometimes in subtle ways and other times more obvious). Interestingly, I received some similar heartfelt responses to the rondelet “Does love Die” which I wrote not long ago. Although a departure from your usual intricate weave,It is still a tribute to the love you show and write so fluently about: nature in it’s grand and simplest form. Thanks for the share. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-28 23:32:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97674
Joanne--what a gift you have and you give it to all of us so generously. I looked on my sheet about an hour ago and you weren't there--now you're slipping away! Well, guess that's an old tape by now--laugh. Well, first off, your FORM is in the shape of two wings! How splendid is that! And the words you've chosen (lyrics really) are as light and 'airy' as the insect you're describing for us. "the slight toss of your head" and "eyes seem to sweep this space"--I've probably said this before, but you've created a mini-Disney movie--we want to name this exquisite and playful creature. I think it's the head and eyes reference. "Flickerings"--the word almost sprouts wings itself and "mate or marauder"--I really took two looks when I came to marauder-- what a word for this delicate little creature--does he REALLY marauder (I asked myself...) Well, yes, I suppose to a mate it could look like a marauder. How funny. Sparkling adornment--aesthetic angel--Disney would've had this little guy on the big screen for sure! Ah--my favorite--I wonder if you divine another life form. Glad you brought this up--because our cat does this all the time. She watches someone standing behind my chair, and her eyes look this way and that as if someone is moving. I never knew how to describe that before, really, but you have done it for me. I was really amazed when I read that part--is it physics or metaphysics. Maybe a little of both. YOur "splendor hunger"--how aptly put, and we know you do have that, Joanne--and I have a hunger always to read more and more as your spirit rises from the pages. You have made this reader extremely happy. Thank you. (& nitey nite) Marcia
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-04-28 22:31:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.67857
Hi Joanne, What a treat this is for me....I was just about to go upstairs and put on my 'jammies' when I decided to look at my list and there you were in all your poetic glory! It's hard to see you next to green, but for the slight toss of your head.....this opening is such a poetic gem that I have read it several times..it could easily be a line in a song. It instantly creates a lovely imagine of one of God's wonders that live beside us each day Your eyes seem to sweep this space for flickeringings, perhaps for a mate or marauder.....When I see a dragonfly I rarely stop to contemplate it as you have done...but in my mind I know their eyes do sweep! mate or marauder...just perfect as survival in nature demands a close watch at all times Were you placed on this branch, a sparkling adnornment left by an aesthetic angel?............I just love the thought of an elagant angel placing this dragonfly just for the beauty of it...wonderful When you fly close, dipping low as if to graze my skin,..........I get an image of you sitting very still just hoping to feel flutter on your skin...lovely image I wonder if you divine another life form watching you....yes that is a thought...I now wonder that too in mostionlessness hope you'll stay a moment longer. How you gratify my splendor hunger!....Mine too I have come to expect perfection from you and you never disappoint me. Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-04-28 22:16:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.05000
Hi Joanne, How could I not comment on this! Again, I have found a treasure of words and images for the month of April! "Blue Dragonfly", I think for the many colors of dragonfly, "blue" is my favorite! Aside from it is rare to see amongst dragonflies, usually it is the flamey red and orange (here in the Philippines, I don't know there in your place, what is dominant). Again, you have captured the sweet, innocent and fragile personalities of this beautiful creatures. "It's hard to see you next to green," --- I like your intro here...it immediately emphasized "colors", which it automatically strikes the importance of the title "Blue Dragonfly". The contrasting or the comparison between these two colors are just huge for my vision. The use of "flickeringings" and "marauder" are so you Joanne! Thanks for adding these lyrics! "Were you placed on this branch, a sparkling adornment left by an aesthetic angel?" --- This is just wonderful! You have been writing "dragonflies" before but this is a new fresh perception and I really liked it a lot! You are truly inspiring! It always radiates within your words...within your works. "When you fly close, dipping low as if to graze my skin," --- I like the use of "dipping low" and "graze my skin"! You just know how to combine common words and come up with a rare, unique and original thought! You are never "lacking" of words and imagination...superb! "I wonder if you divine another life form watching you, in motionlessness hope you’ll stay a moment longer." --- Oh, I am caught motionless by your words...this is just excellent! You are very observant Joanne! Your "blue dragonfly" sure influenced me a lot...yes, it touched me by its "divine" power. "How you gratify my splendor hunger!" --- Same here Joanne! You have fulfilled my thirst for your poetry and genius! Again, I have said it all! This is again, in line with your winning pieces! Always a fan, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L. West On Date: 2004-04-28 22:03:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Hi Joanne, I'm so glad to find one of your poems on my list! I love the images and memories this piece brings to mind. I can remember being mesmerized by dragon flies as a child - especially as you note in the first line. It is hard to get a good look at a dragon fly while in flight - one seems only to be able to get a sense of color and motion. Someday, I hope to be able to describe a moment with as much texture and clarity as you do! I love the idea of an "aesthetic angel". Did you mean the word to be "flickering"? I have often wondered what life forms other than human "think" or "feel" - I guess we can't help but project our thoughts and feelings. Who knows? We can all be grateful for a Creator who doesn't forget to satisfy our "splendor hunger". Thank you for posting this lovely piece. Blessings, Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-04-28 21:38:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Joanne, I love this lighthearted poem. It's very Mary Oliveresque. If you haven't read her, go out right now and get her pulitzer book! She is an observer as you are in this one. She goes on walks and writes amazingly powerful poems observing the things alive around her, and with them she leaps forward into a spiritual place and blows the reader away. She would be a good poet for you to read. I love "sleight toss of your head," you don't think of a dragonfly tossing its head. Wonderful. Yes, you start to get to the spiritual with this next line, were you placed here.... that's where you need to go here. I also like the hope of it staying longer, the fascination of brushing against something that could change you forever. You may have a couple of typos with "flickeringings" and "splendor." Do you mean "flickerings" and "splendid" hunger? Otherwise, a delightful read ,thanks! Regards, Don
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