This Poem was Submitted By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-05-19 17:27:44 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Photograph

With morbid curiosity I stare at the picture. I sought out her image to see how it would look, the way you pick  at a scab to see how it feels. Nondescript with mouse brown hair, she is dressed in a blue blouse and skirt. Just a female figure standing among friends and colleagues smiling like a Cheshire Cat, a stranger. I still remember how she screamed, the last time we argued. I remember the last words she said to me over the telephone,  and the click of the receiver when she hung up on me. I remember the unanswered  letters, entreaties for acknowledgement, when my consternated thoughts refused to understand that she no longer wanted to hear from me. I look for some clue,  some emotion in the picture that can tell me what she felt when she left me, but find nothing except emptiness. It is a faded film with unknown actors of interest only  to archivists seeking  answers that do not exist.

Copyright © May 2004 Edwin John Krizek


This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-06-06 18:24:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Edwin--an excellent commentary on a photograph which I can relate to with every fiber of my being. I like the simple language that presents the complex thinking process--and I can put myself in your place on each and every line. I like the 'simplicity'--that really isn't simple, because even at the end, there are unanswered questions to which you allude no answers exist. What a paradox--huh? But life/love is like that. The idea is really 'new' and creative--if anything under the sun can be considered new. I think your next-to-last S. is really a 'universal' quest--we look at the 'last photo' of someone, something to see if we can sense the foreshadowing. But rarely is it there. "Faded film' 'unknown actors'--interest only to archivists (& those of us who search those answerless answers. Good job. I enjoyed! Best--Marcia


This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-06-02 12:00:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
For me, this touches a spot in me from the other side of the mirror. In my relationships, I tend to retreat away like the woman in this work is clearly doing. This is my coping mechanism, developed at a young age to protect me from the slings and arrows of my mother's capriciousness. So in that I feel the opposite you present here considerably. Do we really ever know anyone that well? I think so, but then not. To each of us there are so many unexplained depths, it's hard to fathom them all. Great emotional work. Plainly, even starkly written, it makes it point simply and without fanfare, but it's most effective through that device. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-30 10:21:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Edwin, what an emotional, heart-wrenching outflow of words. I can relate to this quite well, but each relationship has its problems, and though similar, every one contains twists and turns that another might not. The imagery, colors, sounds, etc. of the 2nd stanza are very well done; the alliterations are plentiful, too. I thought that the latter portions of the poem kind of faded in comparison to that 2nd stanza, became more matter-of-fact sounding, even though life sometimes is just that. I'd like to see the feelings depicted a little more strongly in S2 and S3. I do like the last stanza very much with its more metaphorical content. Thanks for sharing this sadness and hurt with us, if indeed it is personal as the 1st person suggests. I wish only happiness and peace to all. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-05-25 09:44:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Re: "Photograph" A poet who consistently chooses themes/subjects with universal appeal has taken a big step on the road to acceptance. "Photograph," and the theme surrounding it is an exellent example. Writer: "I stare at the picture. I sought out her image to see how it would look, the way you pick at a scab to see how it feels." LJMc: The first stanza begins the piece with remarkable alliteration to start the consonance flowing: "stare/sought/see/scab/see." The Ss are dancing. It has been this readers experience that good poets accomplish this subconsciously, or that's what a few have told me. Writer: "when my consternated thoughts refused to understand that she no longer wanted to hear from me." LJMc: A poor soul not given to the unwonted depths of hate that spite and revenge reach is often not quick to pick up "those signs." Writer: "of interest only to archivists seeking answers that do not exist." LJMc: This is extraordinary word choice. I cannot imagine this reader ever conceiving "archivists" in this word setting, and yet, it fits so perfectly. Picking that "right" word is a characteristic shared by select poets. That so many share the narrator's experience brings us back to the universal appeal of this selection. Congratulations, writer! A fellow poet, Lennatd McIntosh
This Poem was Critiqued By: Molly Johnson On Date: 2004-05-21 19:02:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
What a tragic little rememberance. I usually feel like the "I" in poems is implicit and can be done away with but I liked the long plaintive sounds of "I stare, I sought, I still, I remember etc." I like it enough as a pattern to suggest leaving off the very first line. It might also enhance the repetitive emphasis of you ignore that the time is framing your stanzas and let the repitition frame it instead. I alsp think it's important to "see" her with the speaker but I wanted to see more of her uniqueness in the description. If the longing heart wants for anything, it's a metaphor. Good Luck! MollyJ
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-05-21 16:53:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Edwin, I don't believe I have had the pleasure of reading your work before. I looked at your bio and see you have returned to TPL...we are happy to have you back. I find this poem very interesting and one that I can relate to. I too have looked at pictures of people from my past and wished they could somehow speak to me. But this photograph you describe brings back some painful scenes between you and this woman....'the way you pick at a scab to see how if feels'....it is so natural to return to the things that hurt us the most... perhaps we will see or feel something to make that buried injury go away...but it doesn't help much. It reminded you of the last argument you had and the sound of the slamming phone and how that made you feel. You peer at the picture compelling it to give you some clue of her emotions when she left...but there is nothing but emptiness to see. 'Seeking answers that do not exist.' I can feel the pathos in your last stanza and your last line works very well to end this sad piece. Writing has always been so cathartic for me and I hope writing this poem has done the same for you. Well done! Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-05-21 09:36:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.26923
Edwin- Are you a new kid on the block? If so, welcome. If not, welcome back. This is a nice piece, full of emotion. I find the ending a little dissatisfying, in that I believe the poet has all the answers!! And I wanted you to tell me, staring into that face in the photo, what it was that she felt, that she didn't feel, that sent her away. But you point out, rightly, that we don't always know, can't always know. That we're archivists, too, trying to put it all together. I love the "scab" thing - very nice comparison there. And "mousey" - says something about you! I wonder if instead of "consternated thoughts" you might use simply "consternation" and "but" instead of "except" with "emptiness?" Just a thought. Very nicely done. Looking forward to reading more of your efforts. tom
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