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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-05-22 15:04:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Skylark

Blithe of spirit and light of wing Aloft in powered blue a melody to sing Soars Skylark Upon the sunken sun or bloom of day On a puff of pampero floating with fay Soars Skylark Wafting with voice of shrill delight Neath portly platinum clouds, ere night Soars Skylark Dainty notes of rain with aerial hue Amid swaying flowers in dells of dew Soars Skylark In opera of harmonious rapture Among clover in rain awakened pasture Soars Skylark If your spirit is bleak and sun is lost Look to heaven with stars embossed Soar with Skylark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-06-07 22:19:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, “Skylark” is another gem to catch! Again, this embodies the “spirit” of nature in you Marilyn! The spirit of hope…the spirit of wonders. And “Skylark” is a perfect subject to it! Great choice of word! And I also like the alliteration “k”. Everything in it is perfect! From the lyrical words, from the rhyming, from the structure, from the subjects. This is a well-posited poem. I like how it is presented stanza by stanza, and how it ends with “Soars Skylark”. The daring adventure of life is overwhelming! “Blithe of spirit and light of wing Aloft in powered blue a melody to sing “ --- This one sings! Beautiful! Sorry I can’t help it but I see the “blue” tone the same with my “Periwinkle sky” in my latest haiku “Swallows”. Lovely! “Upon the sunken sun or bloom of day On a puff of pampero floating with fay” --- Wow, so original! Enjoyed the “sunken sun”, the “puff”, the “pampero” and the “fay”! Aside from the beauty of its meaning, the sound is pleasing too! “Wafting with voice of shrill delight Neath portly platinum clouds, ere night” --- Nice picturesque! You are good in this! “Dainty notes of rain with aerial hue Amid swaying flowers in dells of dew” --- Continuously, you bring the melody and colors! Great job! “In opera of harmonious rapture Among clover in rain awakened pasture” --- I don’t know how you got your words and your adjectives but they are fittingly right! Again you do magic! “If your spirit is bleak and sun is lost Look to heaven with stars embossed” --- Wow, Great ending! You are really an awesome poet! You can construct this splendor! These are like stitches of inspirations. You have intertwined it appropriately. I could not add for more! You fingerprint is reflected in the entire poem! Kudos! This is your best offering for the month of May! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-05-27 07:51:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47500
I cannot support this format. too repetitious. too many soars. send BandAids. Send Skylark. You only need him once. tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-05-26 01:10:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
Marilyn–Great sets of rhyming couplets (each of which is separately and equally melodically as well as poetic); natured themed to include a variety of the elements. I was hard pressed to select one set of these vivid images/phrases as a favorite, but I did finally chose the ending stanza: it‘sorta’ touched me a little more and therefore won out over the others. At another time perhaps I might have even suggested that the (5) repeats of “Soars Skylark” may be a bit much, since it is partially represented in the title. However, in this case it serves to highly suggest that this piece should be put to music/and or receive a wider readership. Thanks for sharing such an uplifting and cleverly constructed piece that is so reminiscent of a song. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-05-24 19:52:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Dear Marilyn: You can't go wrong here, as far as this reader is concerned! This poem inspired by Shelley's "To a Skylark" lifts my own spirits to the heavens. Your fresh, original turns of phrase, the way you have spaced the work, the exquisite sounds and especially the flawless cadence make this work superbly exhilarating. This is going to be an interesting month, with so many excellent poems like this one gracing the link. Blithe of spirit and light of wing Aloft in powered blue a melody to sing Soars Skylark Upon the sunken sun or bloom of day On a puff of pampero floating with fay I love this word - alternative spelling "fey" but here rhyming perfectly in sound as well as visually. The bird's elfish qualities are portrayed beautifully, and you've used fricatives lightly, softly ("puff/floating/fay") so that one can feel the cool wind and visualize the bird in its airy element so vividly. "Neath portly platinum clouds"--exquisite! "Dainty notes of rain with aerial hue Amid swaying flowers in dells of dew" -- apt use of 'd' alliteration and wonderful rhymes throughout! My favorite part: If your spirit is bleak and sun is lost Look to heaven with stars embossed Soar with Skylark -- an injunction to this reader, who IS soaring! "stars embossed" - what an brillinat and wonderful way to end this piece. I suggest that perhaps one less "soars with skylark" might still serve your purpose well, and give us the very airiness and spiritual uplift that you are presenting here - even more excellently. I really enjoyed this - you know that I love birds, so I felt especially thrilled to find this poem. All my best, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-05-23 19:18:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
Dear Marilyn You deserve good reviews for this. It is light and upbeat and airy throughout. I have a suggestion for tweaking is your last line. I understand the poem is more or less on big set up for the moment when you tell the down-hearted reader to soar with skylark. "Soar with Skylark" obviously addresses the reader directly. It says "soar with the creature which has all this good stuff, it'll make you feel better". But I have a hunch that there may be a touch more clout in replacing that with "Soar, Skylark" (or possibly "embossed and/Soar, Skylark"). First, you don't notice the missing 's' dropped from "soars", so phonically you stay consistent throughout the poem. Personally, I would see that as a gain ... "Soar with Skylark" jolted me a little. But secondly this now says/implies (unless I am indulging in a masturbatory fantasy!) to the reader "Soar, you Skylark. Don't you realise you have these thing in you yourself?" Obviously a slightly different message ... which means it is entirely your call. Just an idea from your friendly big-mouth. Mark.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-05-22 19:54:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Marilyn: I have no clue as to what will emante from that pen of yours next! I am certain Shelley is smiling down on you. "To A Skylark Hail to thee, blithe spirit!" You also use "soaring" and "float" and "sunken" and "shrill delight" and that's all I can remember. This is really a tribute to Shelley and I love poems that are paeans to other poets. I really like the couplet arrangement with the end rhymes, unmetered, but the repetition of "Soars Skylark" became tedious for me after about the third time. I think to pare it to every two couplets, after four lines, would give the three (in lieu of six) interjections more power. My humble opinion, of course. Blithe of spirit and light of wing Aloft in powered blue a melody to sing Upon the sunken sun or bloom of day On a puff of pampero floating with fay Wafting with voice of shrill delight Neath portly platinum clouds, ere night. Your rhymes are spot on and you again use words not often heard. I read "powdered" blue the first three times. I really like "power" instead to describe the blue sky. You outdo yourself with alliteration...four in this segment I arbitrarily chose. I like puff of pampero but I thought pampero winds occurred only in South America. Of course, your poem may be set in the Andes for all I know. "Fay" is another word I rarely see..."fey" being more common...but I find it highly imaginative that your winds puff then float with elfin magic or charm. You know how I feel about "wafting"...a cliche...so I think you could find a crisper descriptor there. "Smiling with voice" or "persuading" or "sharing" or "thrilling"... the possibilities are unlimited. "Portly platinum clouds" made me smile...it is a perfect picture of obese, fluffed-up cumulus. Brava! Dainty notes of rain with aerial hue Amid swaying flowers in dells of dew In opera of harmonious rapture Among clover in rain-awakened pasture If your spirit is bleak and sun is lost Look to heaven with stars embossed. You have many lovely images...that has become your forte, my friend. "Dainty notes of rain" is purely exquisite as is the description of clover in pasture. Your alliterative "dells of dew" is nice. I like your ending line with embossed stars and the Soar WITH Skylark. I feel certain Shelley would endorse this wondrous tribute to his skylark and I find it another of your "jewels" of nature poetry. I'm sitting here smelling clover in a rain-freshened field which attests to the power of your ability to evoke sensory responses. You indeed have the magic touch of a "Fred" or pixie or genii or genie, Marilyn, and you have lightened this dull, hot Saturday afternoon in Dallas. I continue to be "proud of you" or better-spoken: "happy for the poetry that pours forth." Kudos! Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-22 19:45:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16667
Aloft in powered blue a melody to sing - [Should this be "powder blue" or "powdered blue". My only question. Other than that I see nothing to quibble about. It is a little different style from you IMO, but very nice and well constructed with beautiful rhyming and imagery. There is also some nice allits and assonance. Well done, Marilyn. Peace. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-05-22 17:27:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.30000
Marilyn, very nice job with this poem. I like the structure the longer lines and shorter stanzas and the echoing soars skylark, give this a very lyrical feel. The detail and imagery of your poem make it very immediate and accessable I espescially like notes of rain it is as if the rain is singing and you are inviting me to share the sound with you. And then the chourus changes and becomes in truth an invitation one I am more than ready to take you up on by the time we get there. Great job-can't wait to see this one on the winners list. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-05-22 15:59:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Marilyn, lovely, original and melodic piece. I think that you need to attribute the Shelly poem to which this work is a tribute so that we can more eaily compare your response to his lyrical flight. Perhaps just this a few sections could be noted: -Ode to a Skylark by Percy Bysshe Shelley Hail to thee, blithe Spirit! Bird thou never wert - That from Heaven or near it or near it Pourest thy full heart In profuse strains of unpremeditated art. Skylark Blithe of spirit and light of wing Aloft in powered blue a melody to sing Soars Skylark Upon the sunken sun or bloom of day On a puff of pampero floating with fay [fey? an adjective or the name Fay?} Soars Skylark [I love this gentle chorus]s Wafting with voice of shrill delight Neath portly platinum clouds, ere night [lovely] Soars Skylark and perhaps this part: [Like a glow-worm golden In a dell of dew, Scattering unbeholden Its aërial hue ] ] Among the flowers and grass which screen it from the view: Dainty notes of rain with aerial hue Amid swaying flowers in dells of dew you capture the gentle rain in these sweet phrases Soars Skylark In opera of harmonious rapture Among clover in rain awakened pasture Soars Skylark If your spirit is bleak and sun is lost Look to heaven with stars embossed Soar with Skylark [this changes the meaning in a profound way] IAs lovely a tribute to the masters as I have ever read

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