This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-05-24 18:31:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Hush, The Young Bird Sings Once More

Standing at the rim of my garden I hear you singing like a waterfall. I pause between plants, wondering If I have imagined your song, like A memory of other springs, other scenes. Then you call again, most clearly: I drop the gloves I've meant to don, Release the spent blooms gathered up To look for you among the branches. If I could see you, call you by name Perhaps you’d remember that it is Always you I am listening for.

Copyright © May 2004 Joanne M Uppendahl

Additional Notes:
Inspired by Mary Oliver’s “You Are Standing at the Edge of the Woods.”


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-06-08 20:09:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95238
Hi Joanne, I wanted to comment on this and did not have time before the end of the contest. Life has been a little busy, but I can't let this one go. Again the title drew me in. I also found it amusing that Tom liked your title and poem so much that he wrote his own parodies. "Standing at the rim of my garden I hear you singing like a waterfall. I pause between plants, wondering" What an equisite choice of words! You know how we say "drinking it all in", well to me when you write "Standing at the rim of my garden" it reminds me of bringing the rim of a drinking vessel to my lips. So standing at the rim of the garden I envision God pouring out the beauty of His glory for all to see, and I am astounded by imagry. The interduction of the enchanting sound of the bird singing like a waterfall is superb here. Your "P"s from pause/plants are cause for our attention to focus elsewhere, and the emjambment placed there with wondering gives us cause for pause. How appropriate! "If I have imagined your song, like A memory of other springs, other scenes. Then you call again, most clearly: I drop the gloves I've meant to don, Release the spent blooms gathered up To look for you among the branches. If I could see you, call you by name Perhaps you’d remember that it is Always you I am listening for." This second stanza finds you wondering if the sound was real or imagined and it reminds me that sometimes I hear things that make me wonder if I am being led to look for or listen to something for a special reason. The fact is all things happen for a reason that only God knows. But sometimes I'll think I hear my Mom saying something to me, even tho she's been gone 6 years, I think maybe she's trying to tell me something or just watching and wanting to say good job. It's comforting to think that loved ones might be watching and waiting for us. At the very least you know this bird has been sent for you, to give you pleasure and joy as you drink in the beauty of creation. I love this poem and hope that you got to see your little bird. I tried to find MAry Oliver's Poem, but couldn't. I'll keep looking, as I want to see the inspiration of this piece. Blessings, Jennifer


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-06-01 13:43:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90476
Lovely, melodic and wistful this poem moves softly and ushers us in with a gentle hand. I would not change a word. As fine a requiem as I have ever read. hugs Roni Hush, The Young Bird Sings Once More wonderful evocative title Standing at the rim of my garden I hear you singing like a waterfall. [wonderful] I pause between plants, wondering If I have imagined your song, like A memory of other springs, other scenes. Then you call again, most clearly: I drop the gloves I've meant to don, Release the spent blooms gathered up To look for you among the branches. If I could see you, call you by name Perhaps you’d remember that it is Always you I am listening for. [well, perhaps,"for whom i am listening" or for whom I listen ...but certainly not a necessary change.]
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-06-01 03:51:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92105
Hi Auntie Joanne, This is cute and lovely. The image of bird for me is always lovely and it always makes me dream of flying. But this one is more on the art of singing. And hush, the young bird sings once more. It's a phrase from a mother caressing her child. Singing like a waterfall? The simile is interesting! I am used to hear the sound of waterfalls, it is reviving. And I am describing the singing of the bird that way, reviving. This lines give me a thrill: "I pause between plants, wondering If I have imagined your song, like A memory of other springs, other scenes." I remember the days in the corn fields where my parents and my siblings (including me) were together scything the grasses between the corn plants. I am tearing when I remember those days of working under the heat of the sun. I once complained to my parents, why is like this? I am sorry to tell this. Your poem just brings me to a different mood but reminiscing. This piece ends with a horizon of inspiration. "If I could see you, call you by name Perhaps you’d remember that it is Always you I am listening for." Simple poem but much in it is profound! Thanks for this poem, Auntie Joanne. It touches me differently. Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-05-31 22:36:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Joanne, I can picture you in your beautiful garden, listening for your one special bird. The scene is so peaceful and serene and brings a calmness to my spirit. I imagine you standing in a beautiful Thomas Kincaid scene and it makes my heart joyful. Thanks for sharing this beautiful poem. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-05-27 17:12:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Dear and exalted laureate: I'm going to fudge a little as you said I could. I do not know how to cut and paste (I despise admitting my computerial limitations) so how about a few phrases copied? Your title is best! I wonder how you know it is a "young" bird. Knowing you and your love of avian beings, you likely can discern from the tone, reach, trill, whatever. This is so beguilingly simple but lovely and de profundis. First and second stanzas copied. Your poem could be a metaphor for many things for which we search: grace, divinity, flowers, rivers, etc. Of course, I always relate your metaphors to your search for union with the spirit of your lost loved one. It really doesn't matter if we readers know and the possibilities are deliberately left open by the poetess, IMO. I like all the "ing" sounds, your simile of the waterfall, the alliterative pause/plants, the assonance of water/pause. But most of all, I like your standing "at the rim" which makes me think of crater but more importantly, you stand at the edge or border. A nice place to start any endeavor...at the rim. Your enjambment throughout the four tercets is clverly executed. No one does jump-rhyme or enjambment as effectively as you. Your simile of memory in tercet two is striking and more so because of the slant rhyme: spring/scenes. You've painted a beautiful scene even if there were no emotion. A woman wearing a pastel color stands at the edge of her garden, wide-brimmed hat with a ribbon, gloves, basket, perhaps shears somewhere near. A sunny day with little spuffs of clouds scudding past and the elusive song she longs to hear. You want to communicate with the bird, tell him you await his song, that he is special to you and you want him to remember you are in or at the rim of your garden, especially for his song. I hope you will receive the gift of his appearance but if not, you already know he has been sent to sing for you and that will have to suffice. The spareness here is wonderful and I applaud its accomplishment. I've not done justice to your lovely creation. I'll just say Brava! You've dome it again. Best always and ever, Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-05-26 02:42:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
Joanne–This title had me from the beginning: “Hush, The Young Bird Sings Once More.” An adamant instruction to observer(s) to be quiet in order to hear the singing of a particular young bird–again! (Wow! Powerful!) Nothing complicated here, straight forward, mostly plain language (with one each analogy interjected in stanza #2 and #3) describing garden incident(s) experienced by the speaker of an almost surreal nature: maybe a subtle inference to the presence of angel(s)/reincarnation in the repeat meeting(s) with this bird. Sorry if I have misstated your intentions. Thanks for sharing this excellent conscious raising nature piece. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-05-24 20:49:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56250
Joanne, I love this poem. I can't find a copy of Mary Oliver's poem to compare it to so this will be basedon your work alone. Standing at the rim of my garden I hear you singing like a waterfall. (singing like a waterfall is a wonderful line I love the way I can hear the birds liquid voice) I pause between plants, wondering If I have imagined your song, like A memory of other springs, other scenes. Then you call again, most clearly: ( somehow this solves the mystery without subtracting any of the joy of this poem.) I drop the gloves I've meant to don, Release the spent blooms gathered up To look for you among the branches. (there is something in this that reminds me of Robert Frost. I love these details) If I could see you, call you by name Perhaps you’d remember that it is Always you I am listening for. (and this line is more than the bird it is everyone and everything we have ever lost or had gone away. Joanne a wonderful poem. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-05-24 20:32:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82143
Joanne, Another beautiful poem of springtime in the garden. You deftly capture the allure of Oliver's poem, the penchant she has as a doer, a seeker in her poetry. She goes out to nature to find truths and then uses the poem to expound upon them. I think you do this here. I can sense the awe and excitement you have in hearing the bird's call, in finding the bird "just to have a glimpse of it, perhaps know it's name, etc." That "wanting to know" is what is so captivating about Oliver's poetry. I think you are becoming better and better with each poem in that regard. I enjoyed this one by you and I'm glad you posted it so we could experience it. My favorite moment is when you consider whether you've imagined the singing or not, if it's just a memory or something of the present. There's a lot going on with that. "Then you call again most clearly" is brilliant. There's a leap going on there. I look forward to the next oliveresque poem by you. Warm regards, Don
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-05-24 20:22:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44737
Oooooooooooooooo Jo- Thanx for introducing me to Ms. Oliver. On Mary Oliver's Wrist I spent the last few minutes listening to the sun scrape its way into the night, it sounds like chocolate melting on a strawberry and tastes - oh my, it tastes like a sundae - Anyway, you might like the pool she swims in, the frogs and the swans make love all day long. All this at the fingertips of a woman. tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-24 20:00:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.31579
Joanne, yes Mary Oliver. I have several of her books, and really believe she is one of the best. You are really amazing, too. I find nothing but enjoyment in this as I find myself looking for that elusive songster in the branches. The waterfall simile was outstanding, as was the assonance of the o's. Then, a kind of personification of the bird at the end makes a magnificent closing. Great job. Peace. wrl ps: Not sure the colon is needed in S2's ending. [An afterthought]
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