This Poem was Submitted By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-06-08 14:38:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Hosanna In A Hole the same power delivers me into both
hands of the mighty and the low
I have fallen before, in yore loath and troth
virtuous and fell bows pierce pieces of what I know
does not the Maid Marion, and the carrion bird
fly and ply, in the same blue gray black sky?
but words, hardly heard, budge and judge the land,
without tact
a rock fell from a mountain it does not understand
but of the fact of it's many grave and gratuitous impacts
can you breathe once and let it go forever?
I think not... yet despite these reminders
and hands held as blunderous bludgeons and blinders
no change is a lasting endeavor
in spite of the desire to be clever, planner-
it's true.
however whomsoever's hosanna pulls the lever
knows this better
than you. |
|
Copyright © June 2004 Regis L Chapman
Additional Notes:
I was thinking of the line in The Prophet "when you kill a beast, say to it in your heart- the same power that slays you, I too am slain, and I too shall be consumed. For the law that delivered you into my hand, shall deliver me into a mightier hand. Your blood and my blood is naught but that which feeds the tree of heaven."
This is my result. Let me know what you think.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-06-30 13:08:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Reeg,
Gosh, i just love that title. Wonderful, disjointed ride. Love very much some of the internal rhyme. You got a leg up on my list this month.
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-06-15 19:12:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Reeg,
Nice poem! I think you captured what you were trying to.
Ed Krizek
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-13 18:47:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
I think it is super. You have used some of the poets' tools with utmost dexterity. I would only make one minor suggestion for change, that being to place one more comma in it, thusly:
however[,] whomsoever's hosanna pulls the lever
knows this better
than you.
I can find nothing else, except enjoyment here. It will be read again, probably several times. If I can think of something else, I'll PM you in email. Thanks for sharing this nice one.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-06-08 18:03:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Regis, thank you for the additional note it helped to set a context for the poem. I would concider using the quote as an epigraph.
I really enjoyed the poem but have a few suggestions just to tighten it up.
the same power delivers me into both
hands of the mighty and the low
I have fallen before, in yore loath and troth
virtuous and fell bows pierce pieces of what I know
does not (the) Maid Marion, and the carrion bird
fly and ply(, in )the same blue gray black sky?
but words, hardly heard, budge and judge the land,
without tact
a rock fell from a mountain it does not understand
but (of) the fact of it's many grave and gratuitous impacts
can you breathe once and let it go forever?
I think not... yet despite these reminders
and hands held as (blunderous) bludgeons and blinders
no change is a lasting endeavor
in spite of the desire to be clever, planner-
it's true.
however whomsoever's hosanna pulls the lever
knows this better
than you.
can you breathe once and let it go forever? Is your best line as far as I am concerned. It is a very deep statement.
Sandra
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