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Goodbye, Ophelia, We Pine On to pensive Poppy sleep - O Death! There in your stream of consciousness, Littered with Fritillaries and sorrow Violets spread beneath your Willow, Weeping now of your Daisied innocence, So certain was yesterday’s dream of truth, When the vowels of intransigence Sent your fair mind away. Take a bow, As you exit life - O convenient Death - As this dirge follows you below. They who recall your songs heard In the soft babble of the green stream Whose gentle hands your locks carelessly Caressed, remember, yet must admit To the conspiracy implicit in the finale. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-07-02 11:47:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.08333
Ho,
"
Littered with "fritillaries"? Seems too clever by a half, to me. But what do I know. You can't help but be clever. For me, it would be too clever by the full dozen.
Ok. The "vowels of intransigence." That's cause she sings; songs involve words; words contain vowels. I get that. And then the aural connection with "Willow," creating a very vivid link between those willows and those vowels that kill. I may not be clever but i'm imaginative.
I think when you say "bow," you mean rainbow. Don't know how Ophelia could "bow" while floating on water.
The task of critiquing, like a little water and some sun, has caused this poem to grow in my estimation. Your ear has been fine-tuned. Perhaps I'll shoehorn this piece into my list, with your Melville poem. Or replace the Melville poem with this. There are some big toes on my list.
Poet, in thy orisons be all my sins remembered.
Nox