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This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-06-16 16:00:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Tsa-ga-gla-tal in Spring

Somewhere a mother raccoon has just risen from her den and is thinking that her kits are hungry but her hunger calls her to the pond. Last night in the thrumming reeds frogs performed long love songs. Their moist rumblings, her hungry stomach bind one to another-- as meant to be as any pair of lovers. I think of her and her shiny fingers, separating the bits of flesh she touches lightly in her hurry. The gleam in her eyes is like white fire warming the milk rising in her like yeast, like sun. This morning I think of her-- her nursing kits, her glinting eyes, her tender need.

Additional Notes:
Companion piece for the original. The name is Yakima Indian for 'raccoon' or "she who watches."

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-07-07 19:05:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
How wonderful! Could you perhaps do a collection of these poems. they are sure to be published Somewhere a mother raccoon has just risen from her den and is thinking that her kits are hungry but her hunger That [her hunger] is synonomous with the kit's hunger is brilliant. A mothers hunger is inseperatble from that of her ofspring - yes -- calls her to the pond. ["calls" is perfect here] Last night in the thrumming reeds frogs performed long love songs. they do that, yes, and weeds "thrum" you have a marvelousu ear Their moist rumblings, [thrum/rumb] your assonace skips line breaks it is so strong! her hungry stomach bind[s] one to another-- as meant to be as any pair of lovers. I think of her and her shiny fingers, separating the bits of flesh she touches lightly in her hurry. wow - how sensual this poem is! The gleam in her eyes is like white fire warming the milk rising in her like yeast, like sun. excellent! This morning I think of her-- her nursing kits, her glinting eyes, her tender need. And I will think of the family in tree with a new tenderness. Thank you Best Roni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-07-05 11:59:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Joanne, This is a terrific companion to "Tsa-ga-gla-tal". I am so glad you wrote this! Have you had any spring encounters with your neighborhood racoons this year? A mother like any other, she is taking care of her children. The artistry of your presentation here adds beauty to this piece and deserves high marks in my opinion. There is music here that starts out slow and haunting and picks up speed toward the ending, which caresses our ears like the mother racoon does to her kits. I absolutely love the way you have woven your love of nature into the fiber of this piece right along with Indian lore and frog mating and motherhood. Only you could do juctice to this combination of subject matter! This stanza is absolutely over the top for me: Their moist rumblings, her hungry stomach bind one to another-- as meant to be as any pair of lovers. What a great line! Did I mention I love this part? The original had a more surreal feel, yet there is a mystical charm that creeps in when the reader least expects it with: "The gleam in her eyes is like white fire warming the milk rising in her like yeast, like sun." The imagry of her gleaming eyes is vivid for this reader. And the assonance of "like white fire" (not to mention the warm "W" sounds)picks of the pace of this stunning rhythmatic nature song. And to end on such a sentimental note, well, only a mother knows... You're on a roll this month, aren't you? Personally, I think someones sprinkling inspiration on your head. ha! Thanks for sharing this treasure. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-06-21 04:18:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.31250
Nice. A fitting accompaniment to the sibling. Your generative powers bring life to life. tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-06-18 12:44:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.30000
Joanne--Great "companion" piece for the original (like this word better for this tone than "sequel"-smile). Excellent combinations of plain language/personifications/similes/ portraying sequence of natural events in the daily activities of these creatures as nature has carefully planned (particularly in spring):there is nothing cruel about nature's food chain, however, man as a general rule is the one animal that has a tendency to-go-over-the-top. The speaker has once again stressed a love of and kinship with nature. This has been aptly depicted/penned with descriptive phrases which present vivid imagery of nature's parental descretions from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing these insights and apparently genuine observations. This vein has the makings of several more "companion" pieces-smile. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-06-17 07:39:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Dear Joanne, What a soft and tender poem! You have shown the bond between mother and child and nature. As always beautiful images and so calming. I read this poem and feel good after I finish. Hope you're doing well. Ed Krizek

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-06-16 19:48:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 5.00000
Dear Joanne, You really must have a deep passion for nature, to hit the bullseye on a piece such as this. I'm in awe, and astounded that anyone can tune into nature at this level and with words paint an artistic view of such an event. Imagery is outstanding in this poem, and done in such a cleverly comprehendable manner - it's exquisite in my opinion and I wouldn't change a single letter, sentence or thought that you have created for us to enjoy. My best to you, as always, sincerely, DeniMari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sydney a Walker On Date: 2004-06-16 16:49:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Ookay...short and pithy. I think of her and her shiny fingers, separating the bits of flesh she touches lightly in her hurry. I think you can say: I think of her shiny fingers. Also eliminate the last line. This morning I think of her-- her nursing kits, her glinting eyes, her tender need. Again I don't think you need the last line here. But that's just me. Now, short and pithy enough? Quite frankly not one of your better works.

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