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This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-06-22 22:53:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 52 (Zephyr)

The air diva sings Resurrecting the dead leaves That bury my feet

Additional Notes:
- An early vision of “Fall”. :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-07-07 20:54:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Wonderful . Lots to think about in this poem of death and resurrection and the sound of singing. Bury my feet is a wonderful metaphor. Splendid piece, Erzhel - of hope and rebirth and a season on life-in-death The air diva sings Resurrecting the dead leaves That bury my feet

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-07-06 05:20:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Erzahl, I missed your entries. I have been very busy at work. Thanks for this wonderful treat. Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-03 18:06:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41860
Very neat, Erzahl. I loved the imagery of the leaves around your feet, and "the air diva sings", and that personification would probably make this one a senryu. Good job. I can see no need for suggestions. Peace. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-07-01 01:17:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.45455
Erzahl, Having read two of your haiku in a row, i'm starting to get more of a feel. I really, really like this one. Why? Let's see. Incredible metaphor. The wind as an "air diva," and the resurrecting of the leaves that "bury your feet." Just solid. For me, and for now, this one is something to use as an example of the art. Very nice. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-06-24 18:28:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
yes, and a very lovely description, I can feel thae gentle wind now, caressing the skin that longed to feel the freedom of not being bounded by stifling clothing. Another excellent example of a true artist at work, using meager words in such a descriptive tone that allos the reader in to feel true sensation. Congratulations Friend.....Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sydney a Walker On Date: 2004-06-23 13:14:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
I sometimes think I can hear songs in the wind...so this falls right into your theme. As a kid I used to make piles of the fallen leaves and jump on them...ooof! Nice format .... thanks. This is short and pithy.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-06-23 04:30:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57692
ee- do you need the "the" in line 2? te

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-06-22 23:33:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58824
Erzhal--Absolutely nothing ominious about this, in fact it's quite calming, even if it is metaphoric. The nonliteral language freshly describes the wind doing what wind does to piles of leaves, especially, right after we've spent hours raking them into large collection areas/piles. How does it manage to scatter them every which way just before we can bag or cover them? This must be the "Zephyr" job or at least one of them-smile. Excellent personification for this gentle wind (Zephyr)and its affect on a deep pile of leaves covering the speakers feet. Nice fall seasonal imagery created, thus completing one of four requirements for a japanese verse: this also has three lines, 5-7-5 syllable and is nature themed. Thanks for this levity after some pretty dark pieces. TLW

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