This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-06-28 23:31:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Perseids Are Coming

This year's Perseid meteor showers will begin with faint, pastel sprinkles   as Earth gently grazes Swift-Tuttle’s shelf.  Mite-sized meteorites will start to softly scour the sky. When the downpour peaks watchers may view myriad streaks per hour. New Moon in August won’t spoil this light show; perhaps there’ll even be an extra-added glow   from a filament of dust crossing Earth's path. This strand of sand, like all in Perseus’ patch, was begun in the Comet, bubbling free recently. Other mud in the cloud is millenniums older.  Finest viewing’s found in northern latitudes for Comet Swift-Tuttle’s orbit’s oblique; meteors from Perseus are very rarely seen by those living south of Earth’s median. Lying on the ground’s best for gazing  as shooting stars bound ‘cross the Milky Way. Earthgrazers leap up from horizon’s line to burst summer’s night set ablaze.

Copyright © June 2004 Joanne M Uppendahl

Additional Notes:
Shooting stars that emerge from the horizon and streak horizontally through the atmosphere are called "Earthgrazers" - http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2004/25jun_perseids2004.htm


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-07-05 11:51:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
Hi, Joanne, The only thing that I have any issue with in this splendid piece is the title which makes it seem as if we are going to see a B movie instead of savor a marvelous poem This year's Perseid meteor showers will begin with faint, pastel sprinkles [i can almost taste them!} as Earth gently grazes Swift-Tuttle’s shelf. We fo that? WOW! Mite-sized meteorites will start to softly scour the sky. When the downpour peaks watchers may view myriad streaks per hour. That's a hellova lot of "mite sized" meteors! Amazing New Moon in August won’t spoil this light show; perhaps there’ll even be an extra-added glow nice orphan rhyme from a filament of dust crossing Earth's path. This strand of sand, like all in Perseus’ patch, was begun in the Comet, bubbling free recently. [what does "recently" mean when we are considering the cosmos?} Other mud in the cloud is [I prefer - "millennia" but it might be the pedant in me] older. Finest viewing’s found in northern latitudes for Comet Swift-Tuttle’s orbit’s oblique; meteors from Perseus are very rarely seen by those living south of Earth’s median. Ah, lucky us! What a lot of information is here! Lying on the ground’s best for gazing as shooting stars bound ‘cross the Milky Way. Earthgrazers leap up from horizon’s line to burst summer’s night set ablaze. I like the assonance of ablaze/graze/ Another rich and informative piece - thanks Joanne, you have a new fan. I sent my friend Joni who is in the habit of sending me daily NASA photoes, some of your cosmic poems and she is thrilled. Best Roni


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-07-04 23:49:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Joanne, I wanted to comment before this poem goes off my list. You know the discriptors make one feel the action embedded in this poem, yet there is a soft visual quality to it's effect, s. So I'm left with sensation. Also I love your poem, and you know it's chuck full of how marvelous the universe is just there, and sometimes we take this wonderful pulsatio of the why, and the when, and how fortunate we are to occupy this earth, very fortunate indeed. Moveso for me it is the reasoning of the best spectular lightshow, and no movie can ever duplicate just what our universe, and you, with your interest are making me feel like an Angel who is witnessing this greatest show on earth. that describe the mystical movements of the heart beating in the universe, and it's marvelous to speculate how the sensation of a super interesting poem. My computer is dying, and if this garbled mess even makes my comments available to you, well simply said, I'm glad your here and can bring the reader into the sensation. Glad I am up to sitting here and typing this, for it's gets more difficult all the time. Your poems are full of action, movement, color. Good luck wish I was more prolific, as I used to be. I do read, just can't comment much right now. My Love, my best wishes, and thanl you....Love Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-07-01 21:17:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46667
Just how my wife and I got our start. They're our private fireworks display. Thanks for reminding me. tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Robert Wyma On Date: 2004-07-01 16:06:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Tis a wonderful creation in celebration of cosmic wisdom descending from the greater sphere. The first stanza creates a soft sell to the reader, like the very first hints of cosmic showers, with the use of sibilant S sounds. Stanza three punches out the change in tempo with fantastic aliteration. For example the line, "strand of sand" is a brilliant use of internal rhyme and alliteration. Love it. Subtle rhyming continues through out: "free recently" "other mud" very nice "very rarely" "horizons line" and the continued use of alterative sounds in consistant rhythm give this write good flow. So nice to hear your joy dancing through. As a heads up to the readers and crits, no finer means can be employed. Well done Joanne. Robert
This Poem was Critiqued By: Molly Johnson On Date: 2004-06-30 15:09:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Joanne! I can always count on you for the sky report. I really enjoyed the descriptions in this piece and there's something journalisitc yet still poetic in the presentation. You spill nicely from one stanza to the next with sound and imagery. The asonant pairings ad an unexpected charm and nostalgia to the piece. I love that there is a misty flavor and a sense of circular history. Nice job. The only stumbling I had was I couldn't figure out how to say perseids aloud. I had to laugh at myself while trying. Cheers! MollyJ
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-06-30 13:49:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.15385
Well, well, it's Aunty Jo. Hmmm. I thought that rhymed, but looking at it - not by a vowel. I know my poetry pisses you off. Or gets you depressed. Or something. That's fine. Life often pisses me off, gets me depressed, or something. That's fine. "The concernancy, sir?" Well, I just can't really relate to poems about the Perseids coming. I mean i look at the stars, but I see something else. The physical fact of the Perseids falling is of the lesser moment. It's the thing behind the mask, Starbuck - no, Aunty. Anyway, i do not doubt that this is finely crafted and chiselled. I have just not counted the ways. Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-06-29 14:13:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90000
I loved this poem. As I was reading it, a picture popped into my head and stayed there. I saw an anchorman sitting behind his anchor desk trying hard not to be excited about the news he was giving. The audience can tell, though, that he can’t wait to get out there and see this sight for himself. His excitement transferred to me. Although, I felt a little sorry for him because he’ll probably have to work reporting this sight instead of seeing it. I’ve never really gotten such a clear image of a narrator before without the narrator being described. I think it was the artful way your poem shifts between dry commentaries in one phrase to energetic imagery in the next line. The voice speaking this poem has a personality and my brain couldn’t help but add a picture to it. Great poem and thank you for letting us read it. Karen Ann Jacobs aka Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-06-29 12:15:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Joanne–Thanks for reminding us of this anticipated stupendous seasonal light show. Although I’ve caught it by accident on a few occasions, I was never prepared-no camera at the ready-I could only watch (mouth agape) in awe and wonderment. That won’t happen this year, I’ve marked my calender for the second week in August-smile. This five strophe quatrain is really sparse in poetics, but there are a few allits that found my ear almost in whisper (gently grazes; start to softly, scour the sky; from a filament; strand of sand; orbit’s oblique; shooting stars). I actually found the piece quite informative and will on purpose use what you’ve imparted as an advantage for my personal viewing. Thanks for the astronomy lesson and sharing this particular wonder of nature with us. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-06-29 09:34:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joanne, You must have posted this just for me. (Just kidding ... but it's actually at the top of my list, for a change, and I'm between hospital visits so I get to critique it). Life is good. This is, in many ways, an expository piece, because it explains exactly what we must look for, and the provenance of these meteors. Yet it isn't a "telly" poem because the imagery takes it into the show-and-marvel territory. We share everything, as vicarious witnesses to this event. The accentual pentameter adds an extra lilt to the lines. In S1, images that stand out include "pastel sprinkles", which offer us a candy-like brightness, and "shelf", which connects to the idea of sweet treats. "Mite-sized" (instead of "bite-sized") concludes the metaphor and also indicates relative size of these tiny fireballs, as well as adding a nice touch of alliteration. Then there's the near-oxymoron of "softly/scour" (great place for the enjambment, by the way); there's a certain delicacy to this idea. When the downpour peaks watchers may view myriad streaks per hour. Neat use of internal rhyme here. This is a fairly factual passage. Then you swing into a rhymed couplet with show/glow - a bit of a surprise - followed by the "filament" of dust which is a striking way of explaining it in light-bulb terms. This strand of sand, like all in Perseus’ patch, was begun in the Comet, bubbling free recently. Other mud in the cloud is millenniums older. Again, good use of internal rhyme, and "patch" nicely complements the "a" assonance in strand/sand. The double alliteration of s/p also lends a pleasant resonance to that first line. Free/recently tosses in some long-e blends. You never abandon your quest for greater musicality of language. The goal has, however, been reached already in all your work. For some reason, I wanted to see "millennia" than "milleniums". Maybe it's just the more usual plural so I expected it. BUT the "um" goes with "mu" in "mud". It also avoids an elided a/o which is a bit awkward to say. Finest viewing’s found in northern latitudes for Comet Swift-Tuttle’s orbit’s oblique; Again, this is straightforward exposition, except for the wonderful combo of "orbit's oblique". However, we need the details and there's no sense in "prettifying" them. In the next two lines, we get interesting slant rhyme with seen/meridian. The ensuing information is also very satisfying to us poor northerners who seem to miss the biggest celestial events. Lying on the ground’s best for gazing as shooting stars bound ‘cross the Milky Way. I like "bound" as a verb. It also implies direction, as in "bound for" ... horizontally rather than vertically. Tracing the flare-paths is such fun. Earthgrazers leap up from horizon’s line to burst summer’s night set ablaze. I know that "earthgrazers" refer to the close-passing objects, but I also see them as the watchers below, who must be content to live on the ground, drawing nourishment from their fixed planet, unlike the moveable feast that flies above their heads. I think of sheep, heads bent to pull at grass, who suddenly are moved to look upward and celebrate something larger than themselves. The last line becomes an epiphany of sorts; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed". [OK, so it's not Messiah, but that's sort of the idea]. The tied-to-earth are elevated to this other realm, and immersed in the blaze of a universe that is connected to everything else by the same original act of generation. There I go, getting all metaphysical. Then again, your poems almost always have that coloration, underpinning some of the passages that may seem merely - albeit wonderfully - descriptive. They never are, really, are they? There's always that hidden dimension. I read for this and am never disappointed. Take Care, Brenda
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