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This Poem was Submitted By: Robert Wyma On Date: 2004-07-01 14:42:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Crystalline Life Collage

Quiet reflection upon the losses riding in imaginations wash mixed with stinging emotional pain that whips endless strings of moments out of slumber into coherent collected effects intersecting upon consciousness and final acceptance as an opportunity lashing violently against the defiant walls of expectation and regret set as stewards of direction until released by humility and betterment earned in mighty waves of suffering ripping pieces sharp and polishing others smooth complimenting in contrast the crystalline fragments reformed and fit firmly into wholeness with all laid bare in sandy silt laced wreckage sun warmed and glistening in the glory of change that unveils the inner place where one truly lives.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2004-07-29 22:53:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
HI Robert, I enjoyed this excursion into the metaphysical realms of your mind and your poet's hand. This ride makes me think you are truly alive. Where there is thoughtful contemplation of one's journey, where one allows the mind to turn over the detritus of the day to uncover a truth, where one accepts that life will present us sometimes with smooth river stones that we can fondle in our pockets and sometimes the ripping rocks that expose what we are made of, we will find our way if we but pay attention, and that is what your poem speaks to me. The brevity of line make for succinct and crisp punctuations, for consideration and contemplation. 'riding in imaginations wash'... I loved this image... a wash created by turbulence, enhanced by imagination, will still as the energy of the wave is allowed the time to settle, to takes its proper place in our history. Everything we experience, battle through, will bear on our dreams, on our thoughts and our lives and make us better people in the long run, if we accept them humbly as the harbingers of self-knowledge. I really like your use of the term 'stewards of direction' and term of 'betterment earned'. Yes, we live in a changing world and we are evolving emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and even physically, and it serves us well, if we learn to recognize that the best place to be is on the growing edge. The title Crystalline Life Collage... is so appropriate in metaphore for a crystal which continues to grow in beauty and complexity, in strength and facet, made from all that touches our frame of reference. I've really enjoyed spending time with these thoughts... Lynda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-07-23 16:57:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Robert, It's great to hear you're voice again......through poetry. You must be doing well. It sounds like you've been 'there' and back. But gained some peace at long last. I'm happy you are near where you wish to be. With great respect for you and your piece. always, dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-07-17 15:20:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Robert: I remember your name from some time ago when I first joined...three years in June. Your title caught my eye as this reminds me of my niece who is a "rock hound" and especially in the quartz/crystal category. With your permission, I would like to give her a copy of your poem. For me, your poem could be a metaphor for many things...a collection of all the meaningful bits and pieces that have impacted your life with good or negative outcomes. You have some grand phrases and your imagery of the crystalline fragments which are sharp and sting you much as the world has done is brilliant. For me, it is in examining these rocks, you define yourself and reveal your innermost self but not without a great deal of pain in the process. Your opening lines are arresting: "Quiet reflection upon the losses riding in imaginations wash..." This is splendid linguistry, Robert. You blend this with stinging emotional pain and the great metaphorical "strings of moments", producing internal rhyme and profundity of thought. This is followed by one of the most harmonic phrases ever read: " coherent collected effects intersecting (upon)* consciousness and final acceptance..." The consonant hard C sound provides a lilt and you have six words with same so it sounds as a symphony to my ears. I marked "upon" as you use it in line two and it is picky to suggest another word...I just point to the option of so doing. (A minscule matter). We are supposed to keep our crits brief and I do not believe I can improve your poem in any way but I continue to want to point out the words/ideas that captivate me. For example: "lashing violently against the defiant walls of expectation and regret..." Herein you limn a universal concept that applies to all humans and especially resounded a note with me. Towards the ending, you set the fragments "in sandy silt-laced wreckage". Since you have not previously referred to any ship wreaks and it's too late to introduce a new concept, I assume "wreckage" is figurative, not literal. Your ending is as graceful as the poem. After speaker tells us what can/may befall the crystal bits, what they accomplish by merely being, poet's comment is: "sun warmed and glistening in the glory of change that unveils the inner place where one truly lives." Almost as if the bits of crystal (and our inner self) are flowers, opening and revealing all to the sun. Such a satisfactory ending to a poem in which i invested myself, time-wise and emotionally. With this voice you've acquired (or always had), I hope you will stay at TPL and post other gems like this exquisite piece. Bravo! Mell Morris

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-07-13 23:27:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Re: "Crystalline Life Collage" Writer, your title fits the work so very well. To continue: "mixed with stinging emotional pain that whips endless strings" *** This is pure poetry. It's imagry that one nearly feels as the whip snaps. Excellent diction. "set as stewards of direction until released by humility and betterment earned in mighty waves of suffering" *** Yes, writer, we certainly do seem to be stewards of our own direction in the early years. But how we earn a humility that in turn makes us the better for it for having faced the inevitable "waves of suffering." You end this excellent piece by refering to "the inner place where one truly lives," that rounds off a remarkably well-written poem tied to a keen perception of life. Thank you for posting! It's an enjoyable read. Len McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-05 15:11:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Wow, I needed to take a deep breath after this poem. This totally made me think of a person in an argument, who finally gets to have a say so is saying everything at once and in one breath. It did slow down. I was able to gulp a breath between, “in mighty waves of suffering” (and) “ripping pieces sharp”. The absence of any capitalization helps emphasis the “spewing” feeling of this poem. I’m sorry I can’t think of any better word to describe the feeling. It’s a good spewing, though. If we hold things in too long we spew. The flow seemed to slow from that point, like the words were being wrung from an almost dry sponge. Perhaps this poem should be titled, “Bottled Life Collage.” I understand your choice of the word crystalline, it’s classier then Bottled. The more I think about it the more I like Crystalline better then Bottled. So never mind that suggestion. I had to go back over the poem and mentally break it up to gather the separate meanings. I could feel them, but it was hard to consciously examine them. Upon closer examination of the separated words and prhases I am left with that disturbed feeling one has after a nightmare. Thank you for sharing this tightly packed and powerful poem. Kay-Ren

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-02 18:28:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Robert: Welcome back! It's wonderful to see one of your poems again. It's been quite a while - I can't recall seeing anything by you for some time. This one's title drew me in immediately. The hard c's of "crystalline/collage" and the liquid l's in abundance certain give the title a fluid feeling. I was prepared for a contemplative piece by the title, and was not disappointed. This is one long, incredible sentence, which flows like a river of life experiences, to pool into an overlapping collage which one may view all at once or selectively. Each piece of the collage intersects and overlaps with others, affecting the whole. It is more than a summation in words, more than a visual picture like a photograph album, and most like music, at least to this reader. It defies taking any piece of it apart for dissection. I won't do that, but must comment on the effects of certain sounds and images, like recurrent melodies, harmonies and variable meters. Quiet reflection upon the losses --exquisite sibilance in "losses/wash" for example and throughout riding in imaginations wash This pause, after wash is something the outgoing tide - a receding sound mixed with stinging emotional pain Now I'm mixing metaphors, for the "stinging/whips/string" recall for me various sea creatures like jellyfish and stingrays. that whips endless strings of moments out of slumber into coherent collected effects More of the hard 'c' sound -- perhaps an implication of effort expended? intersecting upon consciousness and final acceptance as an opportunity lashing violently against the defiant walls --I hear in imagination's ear a Coltrane riff of expectation and regret set as stewards of direction --sublime assonance of "expectation/regret/set/direction/betterment" seems to build tension until released by humility and betterment earned in mighty waves of suffering ripping pieces sharp and polishing others smooth complimenting in contrast the crystalline fragments reformed and fit firmly into wholeness with all laid bare in sandy silt laced wreckage ---WONDERFUL! sun warmed and glistening in the glory of change that unveils the inner place where one truly lives. What I love about this poem is that you show us that what we live through is ALL valuable . Though we may have "wreckage" and are often fragmented by painful experiences, it is change, and change alone, I think you are saying here, "that unveils the inner place" where one "truly lives." This is profoundly inspiring, and artfully written. I am so pleased to have a chance to comment. Thank you for this one, which is going into my permanent collection. Bravo! All my best, Joanne

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