This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-07-01 16:48:53 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The hallway

It seemed I’d always been waiting for you.  My paper written, dropped off In our Teutonic tutor’s box, Some moment’s hope had me stretch my legs Across the hallway floor under fluorescent lights My head bouncing forward when new  Footsteps brought past all those Obfuscating students who could never be you. Then those crisp jeans and Italian shoes  And hair pulled and gelled tightly back,  Black frame of a window into heaven, Brought you, and your paper too. That formality done, Did we have coffee, then? I know,  Mistress of warm chocolate, that you Didn’t. I don’t remember anything else  Somehow  Except the bright glare of you, the fluorescence  That has lit up the hallways leading  To every other moment since.

Copyright © July 2004 Mark Andrew Hislop

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-03 19:14:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
You my friend are a romantic. Be this a real person you speak of, or that of your imagination, the feeling within shows true. I love the "mistress of warm chocolate"...I can almost scent the sweetness. I bid you peace and warm wishes. Just a note to say I liked this very much.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-07-30 21:30:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh, Mark! What a refreshing love poem! Once again your diction is wonderful. The enjambent and endstopped lines flow easily into one another. The cadence glides in free-fall. I thrill at the entire poem, but this work has specific lines that just trip my trigger : hair pulled and gelled tightly back, Black frame of a window into heaven,... Did we have coffee, then? I know, Mistress of warm chocolate, that you Didn’t. I don’t remember anything else Somehow... Mark, I know if my husband could write down his feelings about me....they would be similar to what you have written here. Thanks so much for this wonder of words. Bright Blessings Jana
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-07-27 23:32:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
Re: "The hallway" Writer: "Then those crisp jeans and Italian shoes And hair pulled and gelled tightly back, Black frame of a window into heaven, Brought you, and your paper too." *** While the narrator's heart gyrates, the author of this crisp, well-written love poem is able to reach down to claim extaordinary diction. "Black frame of a window to heaven," must surely be imagery that is about as good as it gets. Writer: "... the bright glare of you, the fluorescence That has lit up the hallways leading To every other moment since." *** I cannot but applaude this writer's skill. This poem is beautiful, it's exceptional work. Len McIntosh
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-07-13 02:42:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Like the title to this one Mark....good structure, nice word flow, superb visuals as one stands beside you in the hallway waiting for this perfect vision to appear.....and thus my heart tells me somehow this perfect vision still lights up your life.......... That has lit up the hallways leading to every other moment since....... Indeed a nice warm tale of young love that has kept the spark alive since. Thanks for sharing and posting this .....Be safe my friend, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-07-12 18:56:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
HI Mark, I was happy to see one of your poems pop up on my list. I just have too know who this is goddess that so enthralled your senses? Was she a high school girl..if so she was probably one of many that did this to you! Or maybe college...if so she was also probably also one of many. It has been my experience that men (young & old) tend to oggle the opposite sex! Anyway your words easily put me in the that hallway and gave me a nice glimpse into the your mind as you coveted this lovely creature. I loved the 'Tuetonic tutor's box...the flourescent light and your head bouncing forward at the sound of footsteps. But alas...it was mostly some 'obfuscating' (love the word) student. But when you do see her with her crisp jeans and her Italian shoes (wish I could afford those) her hair pulled back it was just too much to bear. So much so that you now can't remember if you had coffee but the one image that stands out in your mind is her 'bright glare' that has somehow lit up every hallway to every moment since then. I like the sensuality of this piece and am glad I was able to find it and comment! Peace....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2004-07-07 23:16:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Aaah Mark, To realize lunacy, is to acknowledge possibility! Poetry written out of love and/or infatuation, has opened many a door, and the tone of this poem is rich with hope and wonder and even, if I dare say amazement and surprise. Student days are days of learning; whether learning a language, learning who we are in relation to other people, learning who we are within ourselves, learning about those possibilities and potentialities contained within each of us. The poem floats in an almost surreal state and yet taughtens with tension and expectation. you use some good contrasts with the brightness of the flourescents and the osfuscation caused by bodies. The tension of your wait is echoed also in the crisp jeans, the Italian shoes, the hair pulled and gelled tightly back. You have offered the dazed effect of her presence on mind and body, yet there is in those last few lines queries about what really happened, or perhaps what happened in your mind and your acceptance of the fact. There is some delicious confusion... not in your writing but in the contrast between what is going on in the world around you and what is going on in your heart. I'm looking for a sequel*smile
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-07-01 21:27:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
very sexy. i knew her. once. long ago.
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