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This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-07-08 09:49:27 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Atelier Prayer

humbly I ask my muse and guides for life-like fluttering image word paint gushing colors flooded allegory bright awakening lifeless page to elaborate light pictorial pastel healing wash for splintered life assuage memory jabber of the inner child phrasing efficacious assurance it's okay to cry strongly ply sparkling élan vital metaphors slather emotional crimson shades and mental tones cascading pandemic hues that dip and dive over canvassed conglomeration of feelings we hide overlaying stylized allusion's of childhood hopes and dreams photo-montage payola of watercolor peccant scenes feather on gold and silver elegant wishes to be personified by shaded palette knife strokes turning anger colorless in rhyme and assonance short butter soft tinted stippled impressions dab long pattern karmic lifetime fears away so spirit child sees through transparent paradox finally peerlessly free to precious BE thickly blended squiggled lines and dimensional shapes slung to cover four-corner combat verb collage day-glow pellucid portraits drip and run royal opulent visions and alliteration stanzas splashed indelible just for fun polychromatic unconditional love scribed verses splatters of joyous imaginative adjectives radiant pliable glittering glissando globs white light alphabetic creative flow focus lens of quartz crystal clean and clear intuition captures every artist's frustrated tear balance polished punctuation tactile spectrum tablet figurative pulsing atelier perspicuity spreading inked cadence for sparkling soul to sense old powerful fresco diction stresses close tightly enjambed and endstopped sealed

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-08-01 21:42:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Jana, I think there was an earlier version of this one posted many moons ago (?). It's a stunning poem, so rich in layers of imagery. Lack of punctuation gives it a "tumbling" effect as if the brush strokes are all blended together, but yet the whole is readily discerned. You also aren't afraid to use elevated language if the sound suits the intent. "Transparent paradox" is one example. Visual details are vivid and imaginative. Sonic elements, such as alliteration, are subtly used to enhance the theme itself. No apostrophe needed in "allusions", but otherwise, I can find little to nitpick. The poem has an ethereal effect, as the speaker seeks to be released from her karmic burden by means of artistic creation. Anyhow, I think it's a strong, brave piece. I'm not up to critiquing much right now owing to personal circumstances, but this spectacular poem deserves a line-by-line response. Take Care, Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-25 17:37:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana: Is this a revision of an earlier work? If not, I am experiencing deja vu! I've 'been here' before, and loved it then as much as I do now. Which is saying a lot. If you only knew how many times I read your poems - and many times run out of time or energy to critique! I wish there were a counter on each poem, which would show how many reader 'hits' there are. On another website, there is just such a feature. I've had several (maybe dozens) of 'hits' and only two or three comments sometimes. This is a rich poem - so rich that it is like a word banquet, like reading Nabokov or Proust. But it's Jana, and your "fresco diction" is like no other. It has your signature energy and verve, and makes me want to go out and create something -- like sidewalk art, or read at a poetry slam (which I've never had the nerve to do) or make some bold statement -- like your "spreading inked cadence" just to show that I have been here. The final line is my absolute favorite, and I don't see how it could possibly be improved upon. I read somewhere that to have written one good line of poetry is worth gold. I think you have many of those here, but your finale, your "tightly enjambed and endstopped sealed" is platinum, titanium, ruby-throated hummingbird, 'spiral galaxy' GOOD! I can't stop here, though. Here are some of the more fabulous 'outtakes': "pictorial pastel healing wash for splintered life" --the therapeutic value "slather emotional crimson shades and mental tones" --sublime "cascading pandemic hues that dip and dive" --wonderful verbs! "photo-montage payola of watercolor peccant scenes" -- simply, Wow! "feather on gold and silver elegant wishes" --wondrous "short butter soft tinted stippled impressions" --wish I had written that ;) "dab long pattern karmic lifetime fears away so spirit child sees through transparent paradox --these three lines are the 'soul' I see in this poem finally peerlessly free to precious BE" "thickly blended squiggled lines and dimensional shapes" --only you "slung to cover four-corner combat verb collage" "day-glow pellucid portraits" drip and run" --I love this, too "polychromatic unconditional love scribed verses" -- yumm! splatters of joyous imaginative adjectives radiant pliable glittering glissando globs---LOVE this!!! white light alphabetic creative flow focus lens of quartz crystal clean and clear intuition captures every artist's frustrated tear balance polished punctuation tactile spectrum tablet --ooh, it's like watching fireworks figurative pulsing atelier perspicuity spreading inked cadence for sparkling soul to sense old powerful fresco diction stresses close tightly enjambed and endstopped sealed I ran out of words. You've written them all here - everything I might want to say about this poem you have written IN it. What a joyous romp, what a creative nova-blast. This one has GOT to place in the Winner's List. Congratulations in advance, to one of my favorite writers. Glowing in the radiance of your poetics, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-18 10:14:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana - what a fascinating piece to read. I suggest all who read this to read it aloud - several times - to hear and see the canvas you have painted with your poetry. It is thought-provoking, tantalizing, spectacularly visual. The amount of alliteration you have spead from your palette astounds the senses of this old poet. It seems to me that you had an abundance of enjoyment just writing something like this. It rings out with the "fun" of S4. At first read, I was going to blunder into suggesting some hyphenation in a few places where I thought there were compound words that needed it. On 2nd, 3rd etc. reads, I discovered that these could be read, with ease, in a different and slower pace with no need for the hyphenation. Super job. Write on, and - I'll read on. :>) Regards. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-07-17 17:10:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Well you certainly have outdone yourself. This is totally wonderful imagery thrown in with wonderful descriptive tones, colours, etc. You have almost out done yourself. If you had trouble with your muse, I certainly don't think it's there now. Keep it up. Loved it. Nice beginning and a great close.

This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-07-10 12:31:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana, I can clearly see you with a canvas and easel slathering these delicious words of poetry across the page. Wonderful and sustained images and diction which carry the reader all the way through this decadent piece. What a wonderful exercise in fun and the use of writing to layer and slather it on! I can see big gooey globs of "paint" making this a poem you not only read but one you touch and feel as well. An enjoyable read. Thank you very much for sharing it with us. Warm regards, Don

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