This Poem was Submitted By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-07-15 00:44:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © July 2004 Mick Fraser
Rotting compost deteriorates and reeks
the sweet acrid smell of success
Hal's burden, one thousand for one slam dunk
yet innocents fate not counted by choice
and momma eagle cries
Predators and their prostitutes
protected in white glass houses
direct Winnie to play with the hives
not knowing that the bees are hornets
and that the stinging will only stop
with Dr. Dolittle's imagination
or the garden party for God's spacemen
like in the War of the Worlds
Oil the world knows
all they want is peas
some will destroy...some will use imagination
This Poem was Critiqued By: JACK M HRINIAK On Date: 2004-08-03 19:26:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Hello Mike: This poem is a landscap of -your state of mind. It reveals you without "self." I hope all you poets are angry, because we are here are out of control-out of our minds.Where is our anger?
I love your last two lines---Poetry must be written with your imagination--more than breathing thoughts ,it's breathing dreams that curl around each toe-held together by the pleasure of ranting.Throw Freud some infantile dreams and he will go on,and on.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-07-19 20:27:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.10000
I'm certain this is a symbolistic poem. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to decipher the
he intent of the piece. Yet, it's intriguing and has me hooked. The acclaimed Canadian poet,
P.K.Page, once said that it isn't necessary that a poem be understood. What is absolutely
necessary is that it be enjoyed. And, on this bases "Our Backyard" get a a big thumbs up from
This Poem was Critiqued By: Patricia Gibson-Williams On Date: 2004-07-19 13:00:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 6.00000
I personally never like to destroy anything. I also like to try and comment on at least one poem from a poet instead of skipping them all. So I read and re-read; and used some imagination, trying to figure out just what you were trying to say with this one… I mean I got the gist on the first read ~ we worry less about people then we do about money. (or at least that’s what I got.)
When I looked deeper and tried to figure it out stanza by stanza this is what I got. Society is decaying on the inside, while on the outside we see success and heroes in sports figures and users. We ignore the cries of the mothers and the users send our children (I got this from the Winnie the Poo suggestion) out telling them to play in dangerous places. I got a little confused in the next stanza, but as best I can tell you are saying that the pain will only be relived by more drugs or death, or at least that is the perception, of some. My best guess for the final lines is that you are saying that for all we know about and think we want money and valuables, there are those who are hungry and would rather have something to eat.
You poem took a lot of thought and maybe would have been more pleasing if I could have been more sure of what you meant. Having to study it so much, to even try to understand some of your analogies, was stressful. Don’t get me wrong, I like to search for the hidden meaning in a poets words, I just like to have it a little clearer. Maybe if you added a few hints. LOL I did like the obvious plays on words; and I thought that you did a great job of making each line memorable. I also enjoyed commenting on this. It’s just that I was left not knowing for sure that I got it; or didn’t miss something important. Of course even when I’ve thought I understood exactly what a poet was saying in the past, I’ve been wrong… So I hope I was close.
Thank you for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-07-17 17:14:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
YOU certainly don't lack in imagination. Good stuff. Loved the peas (what happened to the
cues?).I liked the line "garden party for God's spacemen." Delicious. Nice beginning that drew
me in and a great end.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-15 13:15:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I think I know the sheet music that is before you as you play
the improvised jazz of this imaginative riff. If I am wrong,
can me (with the peas) and give me a "1"!
Oil the world knows
all they want is peas (peace) -- very clever!
I read recently that oil production peaked in the last few years or will do
so soon, depending on 'experts' consulted. We are already seeing higher
energy prices, which lead to economic turmoil and possible shortages. Unless
the consciousness of political leaders change, there may be invasions by
various powers with the intent of securing the shrinking supply from
earth. It wouldn't be surprising if this led to more war. Possibly the
natural gas supply is also in jeopardy. This element supplies energy
to the electrical grid in the US and Canada. I am taken back to your
first line, "Rotting compost deteriorates and reeks" and recall that
petroleum comes from 'rotten dinosaurs and trees' or something like
that. I think your poem hints strongly that renewable energy sources
are available "in our own backyard" if imagination and resourcefulness
are employed. We need cheap, abundant energy. But are the powers-that-be
insightful enough to realize that the power games will only lead to
destruction in the end? Your poem says a great deal to the quizzical
reader. Very original and imaginative, my friend! Keep them coming!
All my best,
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