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This Poem was Submitted By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-07-15 00:44:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Our Backyard

Rotting compost deteriorates and reeks the sweet acrid smell of success Hal's burden, one thousand for one slam dunk yet innocents fate not counted by choice and momma eagle cries Predators and their prostitutes protected in white glass houses direct Winnie to play with the hives not knowing that the bees are hornets and that the stinging will only stop with Dr. Dolittle's imagination or the garden party for God's spacemen like in the War of the Worlds Oil the world knows all they want is peas

Additional Notes:
some will destroy...some will use imagination

This Poem was Critiqued By: JACK M HRINIAK On Date: 2004-08-03 19:26:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Hello Mike: This poem is a landscap of -your state of mind. It reveals you without "self." I hope all you poets are angry, because we are here are out of control-out of our minds.Where is our anger? I love your last two lines---Poetry must be written with your imagination--more than breathing thoughts ,it's breathing dreams that curl around each toe-held together by the pleasure of ranting.Throw Freud some infantile dreams and he will go on,and on.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-07-19 20:27:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.10000
Re:"Our Backyard" I'm certain this is a symbolistic poem. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to decipher the he intent of the piece. Yet, it's intriguing and has me hooked. The acclaimed Canadian poet, P.K.Page, once said that it isn't necessary that a poem be understood. What is absolutely necessary is that it be enjoyed. And, on this bases "Our Backyard" get a a big thumbs up from this reader. Len McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: Patricia Gibson-Williams On Date: 2004-07-19 13:00:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 6.00000
I personally never like to destroy anything. I also like to try and comment on at least one poem from a poet instead of skipping them all. So I read and re-read; and used some imagination, trying to figure out just what you were trying to say with this one… I mean I got the gist on the first read ~ we worry less about people then we do about money. (or at least that’s what I got.) When I looked deeper and tried to figure it out stanza by stanza this is what I got. Society is decaying on the inside, while on the outside we see success and heroes in sports figures and users. We ignore the cries of the mothers and the users send our children (I got this from the Winnie the Poo suggestion) out telling them to play in dangerous places. I got a little confused in the next stanza, but as best I can tell you are saying that the pain will only be relived by more drugs or death, or at least that is the perception, of some. My best guess for the final lines is that you are saying that for all we know about and think we want money and valuables, there are those who are hungry and would rather have something to eat. You poem took a lot of thought and maybe would have been more pleasing if I could have been more sure of what you meant. Having to study it so much, to even try to understand some of your analogies, was stressful. Don’t get me wrong, I like to search for the hidden meaning in a poets words, I just like to have it a little clearer. Maybe if you added a few hints. LOL I did like the obvious plays on words; and I thought that you did a great job of making each line memorable. I also enjoyed commenting on this. It’s just that I was left not knowing for sure that I got it; or didn’t miss something important. Of course even when I’ve thought I understood exactly what a poet was saying in the past, I’ve been wrong… So I hope I was close. Thank you for sharing. Patti

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-07-17 17:14:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
YOU certainly don't lack in imagination. Good stuff. Loved the peas (what happened to the cues?).I liked the line "garden party for God's spacemen." Delicious. Nice beginning that drew me in and a great end.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-15 13:15:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mick: I think I know the sheet music that is before you as you play the improvised jazz of this imaginative riff. If I am wrong, can me (with the peas) and give me a "1"! Oil the world knows all they want is peas (peace) -- very clever! I read recently that oil production peaked in the last few years or will do so soon, depending on 'experts' consulted. We are already seeing higher energy prices, which lead to economic turmoil and possible shortages. Unless the consciousness of political leaders change, there may be invasions by various powers with the intent of securing the shrinking supply from earth. It wouldn't be surprising if this led to more war. Possibly the natural gas supply is also in jeopardy. This element supplies energy to the electrical grid in the US and Canada. I am taken back to your first line, "Rotting compost deteriorates and reeks" and recall that petroleum comes from 'rotten dinosaurs and trees' or something like that. I think your poem hints strongly that renewable energy sources are available "in our own backyard" if imagination and resourcefulness are employed. We need cheap, abundant energy. But are the powers-that-be insightful enough to realize that the power games will only lead to destruction in the end? Your poem says a great deal to the quizzical reader. Very original and imaginative, my friend! Keep them coming! Kudos. All my best, Joanne

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