This Poem was Submitted By: JACK M HRINIAK On Date: 2004-08-03 13:36:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Heart Eyes Be like a blindman
receiving
the sun.
With a song to sing
to
the black king
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Copyright © August 2004 JACK M HRINIAK
This Poem was Critiqued By: stu t fisher On Date: 2004-09-07 16:41:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Weird.
Stu
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-09-01 16:32:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
I love your first sentence it reminds me of standing with my eyes closed facing the sun feeling its heat on my face and just savoring the moment. I'm a little confused by the last line just because I think you must have something specific in mind when you say black king but I need another clue to figure out who or what.
Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-31 22:03:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Jack I'm really not quite sure what this was all about. I'm not quite sure why a blind man has to
sing to a black king. Can it not be just a black man he's,
singing to? Like how does he know whom he's singing
to unless somebody points that out? A black man receiving (strange choice of words there) the
sun can also feel its warmth, n'estce pas? Why is there no period at the end? Such are my
thoughts. Thanks for posting. P.S.: strange layout! Am I being overly critical or stupid? Maybe
you shouldn't answer that! hahaha
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-24 13:43:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.92857
Is the black king the sun unseen, thats how I read it but I keep wondering if thats how its meant, assuming that it does something I really like to see in poems , lets me read alot into what the blind man receives from the sun, Thanks for letting me read it
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-08-16 17:42:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jack,
I have not seen your work before and assume you are new to TPL...so I welcome you
and hope you will continue to post your work here. I have read this terse piece several
times and the notion of a blind person feeling the warm rays of the sun and seeing it in
his mind's eye is compelling, especially if the person has been blind from birth. In that
case I know they see with the rest of their senses. 'With a song to sing to the black
man'..started me thinking of Ray Charles and the wonderful music he gave us and never
needed to see to do that. So many interpetations could be drawn from your words and I
probably fractured several of them! Great work...profound...captivating...hope to read
more from your talented pen soon.
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-08-14 15:38:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jack:
This is the 1st of your poems I've seen; if you are new to TPL,
welcome. If not, it's a pleasure to read a poem by an artist
new to me.
Your title "Heart Eyes" caught my attention and it's a show-stopper
kind of title. The short lyric that ensues is hanging by the thread
of two words but that's the sort of risk few take except in
workshop/classes.
I assume this is an elegy for Ray Charles and if I'm correct, then your
title speaks for the artist who indeed showed heart eyes. What a divinine master of music he was.
I am so old I remember when he impacted Rock' N Roll with "What'd I say?".
tHE WORLD WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME.
Then he sang C & W: "I can't stop loving you." And against all odds, we had a crossover
for him to be a pop music figure for his remaining years.
Your poem delivers us a command in simile form: "Be like a black man receiving
the sun. With a song to sing to the black king." Again I assume the black king
is God who will be stunned at Charles' panegyric.
I see nothing that needs fixing so I will simply join you in praising this wonderful
king of blues and thank you for sharing this wonderful salute. Gotta hit the road, Jack.
Best wishes,
Mell Morris (Ms.)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-08-11 12:08:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Re: "Heart Eyes"
Writer: "Be like a blindman
receiving the sun." *** Here are words of wisdom. This man deprived of sight
cannot see the sun, the way most can. However, he revels in its warmth, and doubltless,
appreciates it more than we with sight.
Writer: "With a song to sing
to the black king" *** This reader doesn't fully understand these lines.
However, the renowned Canadian poet, P.K. Page, wrote, "It isn't essential that we understand
poetry. What is necessary is that we enjoy it." And this I surely did.
Thank you for posting.
Len McIntosh
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-08-05 18:30:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Jack,
Just wanted to give you my impression, you take a negative (blindness), but you indicate how important the sun is felt by the blind, on the flesh, the warmth, the healing power of the radiance (don't think you need that period though, to keep it eavenly presented with the finish (just a suggestion), the layout I think is exceptional for it allows the whole intent of the poem to be focused, from the first to the wondersful descriptive of "the black king", I guess blackness can be precieved in different ways depending the infirmity (My mother was blind, and I remember how she loved to sit in the sun, and feel it's warming rays), so in all very, very well stated, I'm really impressed with the lesson of this poem, and the great job you did at presenting.
First opportunity to meet you, it's a pleasure, I hope we see many more enteries from you, new ways of thinking, presenting the images are always welcome. So a big welcome to the site for you.
Best regards, Joanne Morgan
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