This Poem was Submitted By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-08-11 17:30:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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A Rose for You
When morrow comes to kiss my freckled nose
And hands of time have shown their dreadful pace,
It’s time to send a red and blushing rose
To one who dwells in distant far-off place.
When friendship calls across the ocean waves
And fantasy is all that we can share,
The tender petals of the rose she craves
Shall travel swiftly to the foreign air.
And when she breathes the sweetness of that rose
She’ll know for sure that someone thinks of her
More dearly than he really should disclose
For fear of love that never could occur.
So, travel swiftly ‘cross the giant sea
To let her know how sweet a rose can be.
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Copyright © August 2004 Wayne R. Leach
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-09-07 19:16:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wayne:
The hour is late (the contest ends tonight!) but I do want to
let you know how much this romantic sonnet moves me. I feel a bit
as if I am intruding -- like reading a love letter found by accident.
Even knowing that the poem is posted here for comment. It is of such
beauty and delicacy that I believe any woman, in any age, past or
present, would be deeply honored to receive it. Reading it produces
both sadness and joy for this reader -- the poignancy of its message,
a sense that it will not be read by the one for whom it is written,
and joy for the way you use language and the tenderness of feelings
thus expressed. So much longing is in this poem -- in the words
"hands of time have shown their dreadful pace" and the red rose
("blushing" as if shy) sent to one "in distant far-off place"
that it echoes in my own heart. Perhaps a reader's yearning isn't
romantic but missing someone loved, saying good-bye to parts of
life which cannot be re-experienced, realizing that a dear friend
is failing in health -- and many other possible nostaglias -- that
this poem strikes a strong chord.
When friendship calls across the ocean waves
And fantasy is all that we can share,
The tender petals of the rose she craves
Shall travel swiftly to the foreign air.
The words, when spoken, are as soft and lovely as the "tender petals"
of the "rose she craves." Soft fricatives in L1, 2 and especially 3
enhance this delicate effect above.
And when she breathes the sweetness of that rose
She’ll know for sure that someone thinks of her
More dearly than he really should disclose
For fear of love that never could occur.
I defy anyone with a beating heart to read this and not be moved. Wayne,
it is simply lovely, and heart-breaking, too. It is always a pleasure to
read your words. This sonnet leaves nothing more to be desired.
Peace to you.
My best,
Joanne
So, travel swiftly ‘cross the giant sea
To let her know how sweet a rose can be.
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-09-02 20:00:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Oh my, this hits home. As one who has been separated from a love. And to be remembered so romantically. Time and circumstance sometimes do not allow us to follow our heart. WE are separated by committments, by cirumstance, by life. But there is sometimes that one person, that one cannot ever forget, though all one can do is remember, and sometimes wish, and wonder, what if... I hope your what if happens, if at all possible...and, whether it does or not, know that this depth of love is something not everyone experiences. Mine happened in an instant, and will last for a lifetime....in my heart...Best to you....
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-08-31 10:58:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
So much has been written about the rose that it is difficult to write something
entirely new without all the old symbolism crowding the page - but your poem
brings fresh breath to a an old subject.
When morrow comes to kiss my freckled nose
the idea of "freckles" somehow suggests a blithe winsomeness. Excelled word choice
And hands of time have shown their dreadful pace,
It’s time to send a red and blushing rose
To one who dwells in distant far-off place.
the poem deepens in intent - good rhyme and rhythm is maintained throughout the piece.
When friendship calls across the ocean waves
And fantasy is all that we can share,
The tender petals of the rose she craves
Shall travel swiftly to the foreign air.
Seems a little more powerful an imperative than the narrators opinion of "friendship" in
the wish that “fantasy” is only what can be shared. That is - if friendship is, as some scholars have maintained, the highest human relationship attainable and the solid part of any kind of love, fantasy seems a pale shadow. Sorry – Wayne – but your poem – like all good poems – is taking me off the page and into my own thoughts,
And when she breathes the sweetness of that rose
She’ll [be assured that?] that someone thinks of her
More dearly than he really should disclose
For fear of love that never could occur.
For fear of love? But love, in its purest form asks nothing. Perhaps for fear of
entanglement or human error or some shorter than that wording for acting on impulse or being denied the physical manifestation of love in the face of an enormous attraction?
So, travel swiftly ‘cross the giant sea
To let her know how sweet a rose can be.
Ah, fine ending for a very passionate and heart felt poem
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-08-25 18:47:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wayne:
This poem is at the bottom of my list but I find it impossible to bypass.
Yours is a talent I envy and is quite reminiscent of the Romantics.
What is so utterly impossible for me to imagine is writing a sonnet
with perfect rhyme and meter.
While this is about a love far away and with whom poet will not be joined,
the poignancy of that feeling comes through very clearly. A sad song.
At first I thought, oh me, another love-gone-wrong, trite roses, and
lovers separated.
But with sheer skill of execution, you make the reader feel this topic has
never received attention before. From the "kiss my freckled nose" of the
1st line to the heartbreaking "fantasy is all that we can share" and
"More dearly than he really should disclose", you are leading all who
read this along a lovely path.
Your sensory details of the delicate rose, its tender petals, the sweetness
of its aroma, evoke feelings in the reader and after all is said and done,
it is yours forever but many spirits are uplifted by reading such beauty.
I find myself mumbling, "With Rue My Heart Is Laden" and "She Dwelt Among the
Untrodden Ways" and "My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose" and from George: "She
Walks in Beauty Like the Night."
I hope you do not mind my comparison but that is where your poem takes me.
Exquisite.
Best wishes,
Mell Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-24 20:57:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.88235
a rose, a love in thaughts they intertwine
the stuff of stories, myths and sonnents too
they bring each other close to whats divine
the lips and petals each expressing true
the legs, the stem, a path hands long to go
anticipation enjoying the pause
in moments before moments sonnents grow
captured desire in the mind the cause
whatever could be sweeter than the wait
whatever could drive senses more senseless
whatever could come closer to relate
whatever could drive one more defenceless
but words, words permeated with the heat
of perfumed meanig to the heart complete
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-08-17 17:55:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Wayne,
When you post a poem about your lost love...or maybe your fantasy of what could have
been, it makes me feel sad for you. This one is especially lovely and I have to wonder
if this lady has ever know what she has missed. 'When morrow comes to kiss my freckled
nose'..this first line drew me in and I knew this would be a poem about love and have
all the emotions of profound affection for another person....I was not disappointed....
'when friendship calls..fantasy is all that we can share'...here the reader knows the poet
is forever longing for more than friendship but is powerless to make it happen. Then the
poet writes of a sweet rose and his deep feelings for her but knowing he cannot tell her of
his true love...then he also speaks of forgeign air and swift travel across the
giant sea...so perhaps this true love is leaving and he cannot stop her by reveling
his feelings. Unrequited love is the saddest of all types of love but there may come a
day when you can say what you feel to her. Keep writing....
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-08-13 14:49:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Wayne--I've personally never-ever, met a woman that didn't like roses (especially red).
And,these are seemly being sent under hesitant but hopeful conditions: to assure someone
of a special devotion without overdoing it. This reads almost like a lament about a
budding long distance relationship; an age old theme that we never tire of: the bittersweet
romanticism and fanasties lovers secretly craved.
Excellent true end rimes (great poetics) that not only create vivid imagery of an outpouring
for an unrequited love but also produce a nice musical tone. This piece is a 360 degree
turn from the earlier post and a fine example of your versatility. Thanks for sharing. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2004-08-11 19:27:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh Wayne.... did you want my address too*grin* What a lovely romantic piece of writing. Freckles for a sun-kissed face shining with its budding love... unresistable. Your poetics bear a sweetness that I am sure would bless the one for whom the poem is intended. i might gentle the phrase of 'a dreadful pace' to something softer, more in keeping with the beauty and love of the poem, but that is my only suggestion. I took delight in the blushing rose which finds its equal in the tender hope and trepidation that echo in the last lines. what I do delight in is the way you have concluded the poem. With a resolution and a benediction that love will travel with the rose, and she will know that someone loves her.... there is an honesty and an openness to the words that come straight from the heart and distance too often plays to our fantasies, but this is not the end, for love finds a way.
Disclose away.... send the rose! and don't forget to include the poem!
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