This Poem was Submitted By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-08-17 23:01:14 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Trip to the City I went to the city seeking beauty.
The city is ugly.
Potholes. No trees.
People with problems.
Everyone in the city has a problem
of some sort or another.
I went to the city seeking color.
The city is gray and black.
I went to the city seeking permanence.
Dust and bits of paper
in the streets move
with every breeze.
I went to the city
seeking stimulation.
I found dead stone edifices;
concrete, asphalt, glass.
I went to the city seeking answers.
I returned with my questions.
I returned home.
Home, the place I moved
to get away from the city.
To get away
from all those silent stone monoliths.
I returned home;
home to the familiar,
home to warmth,
home to love.
I went to the city
seeking Oz.
(When my mother
was a young girl she believed Oz
was real place one could travel to.)
I went to the city seeking Oz
and returned home to a meal:
A little tea, a little mayo
spread on two slices of hope.
Eating it fed my hunger with faith.
Faith that life is good.
Faith that life will continue
Faith that beauty and truth are real.
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Copyright © August 2004 Edwin John Krizek
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-09-02 19:09:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Sometimes the grass is not really greener on the other side. Having lived in the city for all by the last year and a half, I have adjusted to life in more natural climes quite well. I can see why you returned to that which is closer to the soul of our species.
We build things to make life easier, to make it "better". I think at some point we over did it. We turned our natural world into concrete, tar mack and plastic...the more walls and fences the better, bigger is better taller fancier, monuments to say "see what I did." Nature has its own monuments, redwoods, the oceans, an eagle soaring....none of which are man made, nor were they constructed for a pat on the back. Mother Nature just created...for the beauty of it.
Now that I have gone on....and on....I wish you more mornings with tea and mayo and beautiful surroundings.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-09-01 17:29:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I loved this poem! It reminded me of when I used to live in a small town as a little kid. We’d moved to this tiny town of 2,000 people before I really started remembering life, but we visited the cities a few times a year. When my parents told me that we were moving to the city it was like a dream come true. Finally, I’d have more chances at making friends. There would be more to do. Ever since we moved to the big cities, I’ve wanted to go back to that little town life. Someday, I’ll find the Oz I left.
I liked the repetitively used words in this poem. I think they helped take me back to my childhood. I still think Dorothy’s Oz exists somewhere, too.
Thank you for making me feel something good.
Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-08-25 11:09:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Edwin!
Thank you for writing this piece, I think it is lovely. Searching for answers where the claim of having the answers is televised. The city of questions. I like the way you have written the free verse and the poem flows down the page. Wouldn't it be wonderful if OZ was a real place, but we can all hold it dearly in our hearts and make it real. Your Mom did that and in some small way you belived because she belived and you searched for the simplicity and purity OZ represents. I believe that is an excellent quality to have. The following lines are my favorite and I find them profound and beautiful. Would, that we all had such faith.
I went to the city seeking Oz
and returned home to a meal:
A little tea, a little mayo
spread on two slices of hope.
Eating it fed my hunger with faith.
Faith that life is good.
Faith that life will continue
Faith that beauty and truth are real.
Bright Blessings
Jana
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-08-23 15:15:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Edwin, the contrasts in this poem are really incredible. The detail and specificity of what is missing in the city and what isto be found at home is what allows the reader to share this thought with you. Also, the repition of home in the last lines of the second stanza and faith in the last lines of the third stanza adds some strength I wonder if you could make I went repeat in the last three lines of the first stanza. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-18 16:18:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
I read this as a contrast between the complex (the City) and the simple life (the Home), and must agree that faith in the simple home life gives me great comfort, if thats whats meant i get it though perhaps i'm wrong.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-08-18 16:12:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
HI EJK;
Soul Searching poem about a trip to the city
looking for fulfillment in life.
I like silent stone monoliths
and earlier "dead stone edifices"
Both descriptors point to the heartless
quality of city life...we have large stones
in the country, but they usually are covered with moss, lichens,leaves
etc.
You paint the city as gray and black and concrete,
asphalt and glass...two unfriendly hues to three
impenetrable descriptors...
All the people have problems in this unfriendly
and inhospitable environment of dust,paper bits
blowing in wind.
You return to your cultural home in the
country and appreciate the hungry life, barren of luxury
and excitement, but overflowing with the
comfort of utility and the "knowing" that life
at home is good and will be better
as long as you can appreciate the simple beauty
and truths that are evident everyday.
I cannot offer anything to add to improve your work.
Thanks for the opportunity of enjoying this piece.
Take care,
Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-08-18 16:12:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ed,
A sincere, heart-felt poem that brought joy and a smile. Nothing wrong with that.
Mark
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