This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-08-18 18:32:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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America With the sweep of His brush He painted
this land of many colors that tint
the drifting sand with strokes of copper,
and dabs of crimson on wheated grasses.
Capricious seasons blush His palette with
ice blue sky, amber leaves, and rowdy
flowers kissed by His chandelier, then
drenched with shimmering moonbeams.
Eagles soar, seabirds flutter and
meadowlarks warble in unison. His
rainbows limn the heavens, moist from
a tempest, and ardent sun cast elusive shadows.
From the awe of its multifarious splendors
to the sapphire seas that cradle it, to the
imperial sky jutting heaps that
center and hold it firm,
His begemed eventide lends calm
to the ever changing land beneath,
and reminds us we are forever free
in this grandeur we call America. |
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Copyright © August 2004 marilyn terwilleger
Additional Notes:
I seem to be suffering from some kind of dry spell in my poem writing. But decided
to post this as we have so few this month... feel free to tinker.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-08-31 10:16:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
It is good to read a poem about what is good about America.
With the sweep of His brush He painted
this land of many colors that tint
the drifting sand with strokes of copper,
and dabs of crimson on wheated grasses.
lovely description. Takes me back to my Canadian prairie days.
Capricious seasons [luscious phrase]blush His palette with
ice blue sky, amber leaves, and rowdy
flowers kissed by His chandelier, then
drenched with shimmering moonbeams.
ah, lovely
Eagles soar, seabirds flutter and
meadowlarks warble in unison. His
rainbows limn [Love that word choice! I once did a soap opera parody called
"On Life to Limn] the heavens, moist from
a tempest, and [an]ardent sun [casts] elusive shadows.
From the awe of its multifarious splendors
to the sapphire seas that cradle it
perhaps -to te cradle of saphhire seas]
, to the
imperial sky jutting heaps that
center and hold it firm,
wonderful
His [be-gemed] eventide lends calm
to the ever changing land beneath, [good "be.." alliteration]
and reminds us we are forever free
in this grandeur we call America.
Yes, well, that is the dream anyway
Marvelous poem Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-26 13:53:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.12000
Isn't begemed spelled begemmed, My favorite Part in this is
Capricious seasons blush His palette with
ice blue sky, amber leaves, and rowdy
flowers kissed by His chandelier, then
drenched with shimmering moonbeams.
but I also like the
sapphire seas that cradle it
part too. Thanks for letting me read it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-08-19 16:56:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Marilyn--Your notes lie! And, tinker with what? You are being facetious-right? If
this is the stuff that dry spells help make,then, I'll take a desert or two!!! At
least you didn't call it writer's block-smile. I posted a piece titled "America"
some time back, and it pales in comparison to your rendition.
This poem of address is saturated with poetics which are inherent in the verbiage:
"With the sweep of His brush He painted
this land of many colors that tint
the drifting sand with strokes of copper,
and dabs of crimson on wheated grasses." (this is goose-bumpy-stuff)
The first stanza is of course my favorite (only because I read it first-smile). The
second stanza is of course my second favorite (simply because I read it second-grin).
The third stanza...(can you see where I'm going with this?).
This five stanza quatrain free verse employ heady metaphoric descriptors and plain
language that destroys any notion that infers your muse is anything but alive,well,
and imaginative (and on the J-O-B!). All stanzas are composed of goose-bumpy-stuff
which pull at the heart strings and excite the tear ducts. Thanks for sharing this
awesome combination: tribute to The Creator and patriotic offering with your friends
on TPL. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-08-19 09:21:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.14286
Marilyn,
There are some very delicate and wonderful things you do in this poem with regard to sound and sound patterning. At times, you take us through a variety of vowel sounds, just repeating them sparely, as in these lines:
the drifting sand with strokes of copper,
and dabs of crimson on wheated grasses.
That's really, really wonderful. Could have been written by Sidney, or Marlowe. Seriously.
What a pleasure for the ear!
Tnanks,
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-08-18 21:00:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Marilyn,
No tinkering from me, this poem stands as is. You may think you're suffering from a dry spell. Let me reassure you however, you arn't!
I have dry spells, others do, as they say the muse has died.
He didn't die here. Moreso I love the tone of this poem. Without trying to go into any poetic terms, as I have to say, it is wonderful. Your tone is excellent, the cadence, easy to read and digest.
I love the way that you managed to present a glowing pallet of all the beauty that God created, it more then adaquately paints a lovely picture, and is patriotic in its presention, without being redundant, and sickening.
You managed nicely for those that bother to seem the roses, to see what grows with the roses, and your linguists is so well applied. To this Former Marine, it serves very strongly of why I spent time in the Military, not just wars, and adversity, but what God created, how can that be wrong.
I'm sorry I'm rather short in my comments, however this poem needs acknowledgement. I think of how different different parts of this country are, you go and remind me, how glorious is Gods creation, not only that it speaks of American love, your love, my and many others. Excellent, your writing has really excelled, and it's wonderful to have shared in all with you. More, more of course.....
Love, and God Bless, Jo Mo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-08-18 20:20:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, thanks for sharing this beautiful offering.
Eagles soar, seabirds flutter and
meadowlarks warble in unison. His - [This sentence gave me pause, seeming a little clumsy in its linkage.]
rainbows limn the heavens, moist from
a tempest, and ardent sun cast elusive shadows. - [Maybe check the tense of "cast"?]
"begemed" - [I am totally unaware of what this is, and could not locate anything similar in my M-W.] It could be a typo, but durned if I can figure it out. Am I dense, or what?];>)
Other than these, I had no problem, and enjoyed the description of "our world" that He shared with us. Best regards. wrl
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