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This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-08-21 20:29:10 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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New Hope Shopping

Lush green, floral dotted bricks on bricks, tiny town, quietly amused by shoppers seeking, candles to dream with, sad songs to sing with, art galore yet so much more, captivating culture and unwinding whims, unearthing childlike mystery from deep within, Dark metals, lanterns lit a stage in time, each visitor here to find, quirky as tie dyed, that's died and been born again, staged a setting to find peace in it's own breathless hymm.

Additional Notes:
Out shopping today in New Hope, PA, which is the cutest town, full of head shops, outdated memorabilia shops, novelty items, holographics, playhouses, art shops, etc and this is how it made me feel.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-09-05 15:42:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hi DeniMari, There is a place in Texas named Fredricksberg...and old German town that still looks today like it did some 100 years ago. It is also a shoppers dream as no two stores are alike and all so different than you can find anywhere else. I love to go there and as I read your poem it did so remind me of my own shopping and spending money trips to that quaint town. I love the way you layed this piece out...with short lines that are easy to read amd just like browsing a store...very well done. You speak of flowers, brick, candles (these are always such a treasure)song, dark metals, lanterns and tie died goodies! 'Unearthing childlike mystry from deep within'...I especially like this line as I do sometimes fell like a child again when I am surrounded by all the wonders in those little stores. Some are handmade made pieces that you just don't see anywhere else and they are so clever and easy that I find myself saying 'why didn't I think of that?' Thanks for taking me on this shopping trip with you...I enjoyed every bit of it! Blessings....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-09-01 15:20:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear DeniMari: This is one of my favorite poems this month! The title is splendid and drew me in. The poem is a delight to read, though the 'editor' in me wanted to make some changes, as if the poem were my own. I will suggest some, as I think your placing this piece here for comments invites us to enjoy and also participate in the creative process you have so artfully begun. Please ignore anything that doesn't fit with your own vision for this piece, as you are the artist, the one whose experience in New Hope resulted in this unique, pleasurable poem! I'll use [] for 'omit' and () for change within a word. Lush green, floral dotted bricks on bricks, tiny town, quietly amused by shoppers seeking, candles to dream --"dream" as an end word, enjambed with "with" in the next line with, sad songs to sing [with] art galore yet so much more, captivating culture --wonderful allits here! and unwinding whims, unearthing childlike mystery from deep within, Dark metals, lanterns lit a stage in time, each visitor (seeks?) to find, quirky as (tie-dyed), that's died and been --wonderful play on the words "tie-dyed/died" born again, staged a setting to find peace in (its) own breathless (hymn). See what you think. I love this poem, for it is very nostalgic, and recalls for me the peaceful setting of a small, arty town in Oregon, as well as the relative innocence of the 60's (when I was young and light-hearted). Very nicely done! I hope to see this one in the winners this month, even without edits. The 'soul' of the poem is superb 'as is'! Kudos, and best wishes, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-27 20:44:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
There are times I would like to go back to those "good old days." This brought around to me the sights and smell and feel of a gone by era I'm proud to say I was a part of. I would have said "scented" candles or beeswax candles in L5 to give it more flavour. Well laid out and an easy read. Thanks for bringing me back. An interesting side here ... I've moved to the west coast of Canada and am only 100 feet from the ocean. This is (old) hippie haven. More VW camper vans still painted in ] psychedelic paints than I care to count. Thanks for posting.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-08-23 15:56:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi DeniMari, You've led me on a dleightful walk through New Hope. The name of the place seems to parallel the subculture and I enjoyed your wordplay, with "tie dyed/that's died and been/born again". Quite the resurrection idea! The shoppers seem more interested in unmaterialistic things - candles, dreams, music, art - that takes them back to their youth. The "dark metal(s?) lanterns" illumine these aging-hippie faces, but only partially. The quirkiness of the visitors is probably best viewed through a soft and kind light, or a poem. Last Line, Sp: "its own breathless hymn" I very much enjoyed this, especially the way it can be read on two levels. The quest for those faded days of our younger selves is a never-ending but futile one. I well recall the excitement of the 'Sixties and, for me, it will not be recaptured no matter how many candles I burn. *Sigh* ... great evocation of a mood here. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-08-23 14:01:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
DeniMari--This is an energetic post with short bullet-like phasing. This of course makes it a fast paced and quick read. The title is apt plain language which not only name/identifies the location of this shopping mecca, but also infers that shoppers are "seeking"/looking/desiring/"hoping" to find bargins as well discover unique or special "items" to purchase. The tone, theme, and vivid imagery created by this offering is very reminiscent of open markets in foregin countries, flea markets/resale stores in USA, and large/multi-family yard and garage sales around the world. Thanks for this up- lifting and "colorful" piece. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-08-22 17:09:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Dear DeniMari, I can see you really enjoyed this visit, and your shopping experience here, but it is my feeling that this is a little too choppy. The staccato lines would be appropriate in a poem that one wants to move fast or show intense anger, or excitement. In this one, I think your readers would be more serene and captivated by the quaintness of this village, and your experience, if the lines were extended some. You could still maintain the rhyming and alliteration, for interior rhymes work very well, too. The picture you paint of your experience is clear, but seems rushed, so just combine some of the lines. This is only a suggestion for trial, and if it doesn't appeal to you in that style, then "round-file" these ideas, okay? I'll play with it a little to see what happens, but you can do it in your own way. After all, I do not want to re-write anybody's work, only help with a little polish, if possible. I took a lot of liberty, even altering a few phrases and words, but I hope you don't object too harshly. Lush green, floral dotted bricks on bricks, tiny town quietly amused by shoppers seeking candles to dream with, sad songs to sing and art galore, yet so much more: a captivating culture unwinding whims, unearthing childish mysteries from deep within, dark metals and lanterns lit - a stage in time, each visitor here to find, quirky as tie dyed, that's died and been born again, staged a setting to find peace in it's own breathless hymm. Forgive me for being so brazen, but I wanted you to see what my honest opinion could do for it. As I said, you have to [by no means] follow this pattern, or any of my suggestions, but you can tell from this what I really think would help smooth it and slow it down for more serene enjoyment. Best wishes. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-22 12:46:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
maybe, its because I'm from pa. that I find this interesting, but I prefer to delude my self I,m more objective than that, seems very vivid to me, I don't think I have any improvements to give so I'll just say that the lines quietly amused by shoppers seeking, candles to dream with , struct me as the best, thanks for letting me read it

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