This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-08-22 21:07:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!


Moonlight

moonlight on shadows diamonds sparkle on snow-caps His wonders endure

Copyright © August 2004 marilyn terwilleger


This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-09-05 14:50:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75758
I never know about Haiku. This one I count 5,5, 5. Am I wrong. Anyway it's very well done. Whose wonders? Mans or Gods? Guess they're one and the same. Thanks for posting.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-08-31 09:11:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Great Haiku and the form is right there along with the beauty of it all....I love the moonlight and you have captured it so well...diamonds sparkle on snow-caps what more could one want on a dark night and there is no fear in the night as His wonders certainly endure along with His tender loving care......thank you for posting and sharing this with us.....be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-08-28 13:08:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
For me all the meaning in the universe is contained in these three simple lines. What moves me is your closing line, paying homage to the creator of the universe. Moonlight what must people concieve of as fright, and hiding, but all one has to do is use their God given talent, and see the sparling beauty of it all. Love the closing line, you maintain a natural poem like the traditional haiku, so it resonates for me, and gives a wonderful sensation. A new style, difficult to write, you maintain the count well, nice going Marilyn, nice to see people who continue learning, and utilize that God given ability. My continued best wishes, Love, Jo Mo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-08-26 20:55:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Marilyn, a nice haiku with excellent syllable count (for those who do; it is not critical in the English, but still okay). Nature and season included is good. I had a slight pause when reading the beginning line, trying to see "shadows" with "moonlight" on them, and I think maybe "moonlight and shadow[s]" would be a little better IMHO. A little religion (L3) tossed into a haiku I suppose is all right, as well. I would rather see them just catching a glimpse of nature's wonder though. Best wishes. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-08-23 10:14:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
moonlight on shadows diamonds sparkle on snow-caps His wonders endure this is lovely and visual and haiku-like in its structure - if it only presented the scene without the telling as in: "His wonders endure" it would meet all classic haiku qualifications but certainly it would qualify as a modern or "western" haiku. lovely piece Rach
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-23 08:37:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.77778
the majesty of creation ,boiled down to a haiku that i keep rereading to see if i can suggest any improvements but to be honest i haven't got any, Thanks for letting me read i really enjoyed it
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-08-23 04:34:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
Marilyn--What an extra treat: A haiku post from a pleasantly unexpected source. Kudos to Erzahl and Joanne who are both responsible for "this" weekend run of Japanese Verses. All requirements met (3 lines/5-7-5 syllables/nature themed). However, a lack of continuity is created by these two separate nature themes as formatted (L #1;"moonlight on..." and L #2; "diamonds sparkle on..."). I suggest (ONLY A SUGGESTION) switching Lines #1 and #3 and perhaps changing the title; the Almighty "His wonders endure: diamonds sparkle on snow-caps Moonlight of shadows" This slight change IMHO appears to read/flow better and still culminates with credit going to God (and rightly so) for these everlasting "wonders." It's good seeing poets venture out- side their comfort zone by trying different forms (especially fixed forms). Excellent offering for first attempt, please don't let this be the last. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-08-22 22:23:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, Ah...I can easily visualize these panoramic beauty! Moonlight - these are magical! Especially on those snow-caps mirroring in glitters. I'm glad how you reflect and associate this awesome wonder to the Creator above. Bringing back what is due to Him! In simple words, in simple structure the majestic and splendor of the night is vividly expressed! Well-done! Inspiring! As always, Erzahl :)
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!