Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-08-23 18:14:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Undaunted Soul

Tear drops of rain like tiny pointed darts fall nearby but strike me not. The wind, austere, pure, and ghostlike blows about, but I am standing still. Thunder resounds speaking in quarrelsome tongue it rumbles and clangs aloud but my ears are deaf to the drowning sound, even the mountains expound and brooks abound. I feel not the sky born pelting rain only stings of vacant pain that stab at my shivering frame. In defiance of ravishing sky my undaunted soul is dry.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-09-03 07:13:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93103
Talk movement and sensation; all here, you bring out the elements, making each strong, and deftly applied, it's amazing, why? because you stay within the frame of a poem that has a smoothness of presentation. I wish I were more up to critiquing, but I wanted to sneak in below the deadline, to let you know how much I appreciate the opportunity to at least comment. Once again you touch the soul, undfaunted to you within the poem, never in the sense of proudly taking your space, and producing some very wonderful poems; you've be amazing to behold, and have proven to me the need to live to go on...love it. Love, Jo Mo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-08-31 17:55:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
It is good to get to another one of your poems Marilyn! Tear drops of rain like tiny pointed darts fall nearby but strike me not. This is a remarkable beginning as one can almost see the tiny darts as described The wind, austere, pure, [wonderful slant rhyme!} and ghostlike blows about, but I am standing still. I like the double meaning of “still” which suggests both; I am still here and I am standing quietly. This is excellent writing Thunder resounds speaking in quarrelsome tongue it rumbles and clangs aloud but my ears are deaf to the drowning sound, even the mountains expound and brooks abound. What richness in the aloud/sound/expound/abound word play! [perhaps I don’t feel..}the sky born pelting rain only stings of vacant pain that stab at my shivering frame. In defiance of ravishing sky my undaunted soul is dry. Rain/pain /frame/ excellent as they are nicely placed in the stanza an the idea of a “dry soul” is astounding. This is a grand poem , Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-27 14:44:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.17857
I fell chilled in the first stanza as if the storms coming at me, while the second starts with what I think is the best line of the piece: Thunder resounds speaking in quarrelsome tongue Thanks for letting me read your poem

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-08-25 13:52:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86364
Marilyn–A metaphoric read (IMO) exuding some subtle underlying meaning(s) which drives/haunts the protagonist (“...ghost-like blows about...”) ; perhaps it involves the monumental task of trying to overcome the personal loss of “loved one(s)” or some other traumatic experience(s) (“...only stings of vacant pain...”). Excellent descriptions of nature driven ( potential) hazards (“...darts fall nearby...”; “the wind...”; “thunder resounds...”; “...the mountains...”; “pelting rain...”) and expressive true rimes (sound/ expound/ abound; rain/pain; sky/dry). This combination verbiage create vivid imagery and produce sonorous tone (esp. stanzas 2 and 3). From beginning to end the speaker/protagonist relates a number of close calls faced, but actually ineffective at deterring/distracting “fearless spirit” from some self- motivated quest (“My ears are deaf to the drowning sound...”). The repetition of title in last two enjambing line re-emphasizes the tone/theme while serving as my overall favorite; “In defiance of ravishing sky my undaunted soul is dry” (extremely poetic and profound). At any rate, I find your well-written post intriguing, inspiring and uplifting. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-08-23 22:16:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn: I want to respond to the strong emotions this poem evokes for me. I have a feeling that you may come back to this one, as it truly seems a pivotal work which could be a centerpiece in a collection. These could be my own projected emotions, but I hope you will forgive me for personalizing this one. It speaks to me internally --resonates, if you will, of sorrow at a level that I think we share and have shared for a long time. Tear drops of rain like tiny pointed darts fall nearby but strike me not. The wind, austere, pure, and ghostlike blows about, but I am standing still. Perhaps "tear" could be implied by the drops of rain themselves which you show us as darts (with "pointed" suggesting 'poison' to this reader). The word "ghostlike" in L3 also suggests that the reason for these (tear) drops exists within the speaker's experience of loss. The purity and austerity of the wind imply, at least to me, the presence of one strong in spirit, and one who has gained strength from adversity. Though the wind "blows about" the speaker is standing still, almost rocklike amidst the growing storm. Those drops of rain somehow do not strike the speaker. She rejects or is impervious to their "pointed darts" -- perhaps overcome completely in the past by her grief, she seeks to withstand the seeming assault of the elements which are so like uncontrolled emotions. Thunder resounds speaking in quarrelsome tongue it rumbles and clangs aloud but my ears are deaf to the drowning sound, even the mountains expound and brooks abound. Poetic sound is so strong -- the statements made with "-ound/oud" seem more defiant for the definite 'd' sounds, the speaker's resistance to the threatening "quarrelsome tongue" of the mighty thunder. Everything is personified here -- the thunder, mountains and brooks, along with the rain, seem to try to penetrate the speaker's shield, one which she holds fast, though her frame shivers with the effort. The sense of great effort expended is compelling, overpowering. I am reminded of the scripture -- "O Death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?" (1 Cor. 15:55) Perhaps the speaker's determination within this poem isn't 'not to feel' but not to be destroyed the the intensity of her sorrow. It is her soul, you show us, which is undaunted! The forces of intense grief can leave one turning away from life, rejecting faith, growing frail in body, mind and spirit. I am reminded, also, of the poem, "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley, who after the death of his daughter, made his poetic statement of the captaincy of his soul. Your poem has a similar resonance, at least for me, as this great work. I feel not the sky born pelting rain only stings of vacant pain that stab at my shivering frame. In defiance of ravishing sky my undaunted soul is dry. Powerful! I do feel that the inversion serves the dramatic stand taken, the points made here. You've used "ravishing" as the transitive verb which implies something being taken away violently instead of the expected 'ravishing appearance' referring to a stunning beauty. So much surprises in this poem, is striking to the ear (though ears are "deaf to the drowning sound"). While reading this poem I felt a sense of your releasing something binding -- letting the poem 'emerge' if you will, from within. It's a poem which marches boldly, which risks, defies all that would assault the soul, from within or without. Brava!! Bravissima! Whatever else is said, please know that you have made a statement with this work which strengthens me. All my best, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-08-23 22:15:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Re: Undaunted Soul "The wind, austere, pure, and ghostlike" *** Marilyn, if the diction gets much better than this it will be Poe writing. An exaggeration, perhaps? Read it again - I don't think so. "Thunder resounds speaking in quarrelsome tongue it rumbles and clangs aloud" *** This is good stuff! "In defiance of ravishing sky my undaunted soul is dry." *** You'd best package this one up and send it to an editor, Marilyn. Now, I am not one of the big guns on this site. However, if you receive a similar reaction from even one of them, send it, please. Congratulations! Len McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-08-23 21:30:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Marilyn, Nice read, a little metaphorical is it? Nice personification of a few of nature's own. About the only things I can offer are: Isn't "teardrops" one word? You could maybe cut a little from the long L1 of S2, by saying either "resounds with a..." or "speaks with (or in) a...". I don't think you need both. Just an opinion. Thunder resounds speaking in quarrelsome tongue it rumbles and clangs aloud but my - [is "aloud" necessary, or kind of implied automatically? ] ears are deaf to the drowning sound, - ["drowning sound" of thunder? maybe "booming" or something similar?] [even the] mountains expound and brooks abound. - [suggestion only - "as mountains expound and ..."]? The assonance abounds, too! ;>) Well done. Best wishes, Wayne

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-23 19:38:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This does sound vacant and most of all lonely.You don't express what all the hurt is about leaving the reader without answers, but maybe it's best that way. I liked the way you expressed the tear drops like darts. Good analogy.Short and to the point. Ouch! I would suggest to take out the first "but" in L2 and replace it with something else.You have more "buts" in L4 & 6 which could also be dealt with. Thanks for posting.

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!