This Poem was Submitted By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2004-09-12 08:49:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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ILLINOIS
I think I see my father young and strong
with squinted eyes, a warm and friendly face
the air so hot, to take your breath away
we are shaded by a mighty maple tree
On his right hand side my haloed mother stands
radiating calm and peaceful happiness
beside her each and all my sisters sit
I smile as I see them laughing holding hands.
I remember that Illinois
I was no more than a boy
oh dear God
I remember that Illinois.
I’ll forever see muddy river’s prairie bluffs
the sky is crammed with ten thousand birds of song
so long ago, I could name you every one
they are singing still whistling worries far away.
Such a portrait’s pose, nirvana for my soul
a repeated dream where I’m always coming home
makes me feel so young, can’t wear that memory out
ever grateful for the love that I’ve been shown.
I can still feel old Illinois
no longer am I a boy
forgiving God
I remember old Illinois.
All my friends have gone, I’ll be going soon
time goes by like a roaring railroad train
love eternally endures and endures eternity
out lasting death and distance for all time.
See their smiles, a thousand miles away
one more time their voices call to me
memories and dreams are all some people have
basking in their glow like early summer sun.
I see them all in the shade
I see that they have it made
oh great God
I remember that Illinois.
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Copyright © September 2004 Mark D. Kilburn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-05 21:48:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Mark,
I hope that my experience living in ILLINOIS is as memorable as the ones you speak of in your poem. I can tell that your family was connected just by the sentiments that you express. It was picture perfect. I think it was a really great symbolism to discuss their places, where they stood next to each other and holding hands. All of these elements send the impressions that you intended I think.
I like how you have centered this poem around a place, the title, but you wonderfully discuss and describe the people, your family, those dear to your heart.
There's nothing like memories, and as you have said, sometimes they are all that you have left. Thanks for sharing this one at TPL; it's very sentimental, and I again, I hope that I can say something similar about ILLINOIS when I leave.
My husband is stationed at Ft. Sheridan in the Highwood/Highland Park area.
Thanks again. Great poem. It read very well, was never boring, simply enlightening, and it possessed a tone of peace. I enjoyed reading it.
Latorial
www.latorial.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-09-15 13:41:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mark;
What can one say about this heartfelt experience of Illinois
captured in the memory of one who was raised in a large and
loving family. My stone cold heart aches at your honest
loving memories of your siblings, your parents which were as
fleeting as the flocks of birds you witnessed over the
fields back home. Mark, I love this work...i think
you have captured the True Heart of the Heartland in
this piece...Only one who has lived it and experienced
it could adequately write about it....this you did
with grace,ease, and flavor.
No suggestions other than keep writing.
Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-09-12 21:37:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Mark--Excellent tribute to Illinois and could just as easily be a poem of lament
about the good old days when things were simpler; less hectic; more peaceful; you
didn't have to lock your doors; no drive-by shootings; you got along with your
neighbors; friends were plentiful and loyal, etc., etc.
You are absolutely right about looking for those friends in the after-life (if you
believe in that), but you can forget about the other parts of the good old days. I
don't like saying it (and there are many others who don't like hearing it), but we'll
never, ever return to anything resembling your (Illinois) nor my childhood.
Some poetics bear mentioning: in the form of end rimes (stands/hands; Illinios/boy pose/
soul; smiles/miles; shade/made) and allits (friendly face; mighty maple; ten thousand;
singing still; whistling worries; portrait's pose; makes me; roaring railroad; eternally
endures; death and distance; are all; summer sun) This combination of verbiage create
vivid imagery and produce sonorous tone. I like your sincere penmanship, but do feel a
slight overuse of "Illinois" (probably a personal nit pick). The poignancy of the piece
is still viable, nothing can distract from that. Sorry if I misstated your purpose. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2004-09-12 20:56:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Mark,
This brought tears to my eyes. It expresses just how I feel about my own family, my mother
and siblings.
I remember those days when "memories and dreams" were being made. I must give you praise
for "ever grateful for the love that I've been shown." That is my favorite line.
I like your format, different, for me it brings all points into view and makes me
understand your feelings so well.
Best of luck!
Wanda
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-09-12 19:41:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
This is one of those poems with such a personal feel it seems to defy Critiqueing, Yet let my ego roam its terrain. I would think that - to take your breath away - should maybe be takes' your breath away; they are singing still whistling worries far away, I read a comma between singing and still, yet that's nothing much and you given me a very good read. Thank you.
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This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-09-12 15:57:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
I don't say this too often, but this is a GREAT poem. It has truth and sincerity. I loved the
repition about Illinois changed but for one word in a middle stanza.I like the way you described
your mother and sister's, esp. your mother when you said she had a halo round her (a symbol of
holiness in Christian circles). The only thing I may suggest is the word "think" is the very
first stanza. To me, either you did or didn't. Perhaps just use the word "I saw..."
Good and great stuff. First to go on my list this month! Thanks for allowing me this fine read.
P.S.: I used to live in Peoria).
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-09-12 14:08:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mark,
Your poem brought to mind a line in one of Jim Morrison from the Doors songs - "No one gets out of here alive",
and that's the message this piece gives me.
It's wonderful to have memories such as yours, a constant source of joy to revisit the old times, with family and friends. You are fortunate to have such memories and blessed with a happy childhood.
I don't see any changes to be made here - it's descriptive enough to appreciate the imagery and written in prose which is easily comprehended by the reader.
I enjoyed your poem. It's nostalgic touch is heartwarming.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
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