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This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-10-12 11:13:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Shadow on the Wind

I felt your spirit touch me A shadow on the wind Your unique laughter swirling, lifting, floating On the oceans of the breeze Touches off a kalidoscope of memories Held so preciously in my heart. Days of yesteryear, Long ago childhood, Passages of Time that caught in a silver spider web Spun upon a looking glass. Who Are We? Brother and Sister Suspended in a crystal ball of fiery opal light That holds the essence of our unspoken love Traversing our worlds apart. I felt your sweet spirit softly touch me. I recognize that shadow on the wind as you, My kind doe-eyed brother. Your Love pervades my soul And gives me hope for all Our unending future lives entwined That we shall meet again As shadows on the wind of Time.

Additional Notes:
First poem ever written. Written for my Brother, Jeffrey Martin Buck in July 1994. He is pure light now and with us all.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-10-23 10:38:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72222
A beautiful tribute to your brother. I see so much symbolism throughout this piece. I meet you there, and I meet him. Your ending "shadows on the wind of time" not only captures your thoughts on his impact on life, but also your hope for him throughout eternity. Jana, my thoughts on this verse is that you should edit it, making the tenses match throughout and send it back to us, revised, in the symbolism and insights of who you are now. I would never let this piece go as it is, but another look would surely reflect again on the magic that your words portray. There is particular magic in the "silver spun spider web" that of time of two intertwining. In the looking glass a fibrous mosaic of lives touching lives. You share the "Brother and Sister", therein is the "essence of unspoken love" yet in your verse, it is spoken to all, that shared 'tween the two of you "quietly integrated", but also, the love is subjected successfully to the rest of us, that we might enjoin, in like manner. your "shadow on the wind", there i think as much living as passed, is the truth of our passions, the moments that recall, when we speak to nobody, but know we do not speak in vain, "I love you", you have captured well that immediacy and need. This is very fine, very fine first poem, and I hope you will edit and revise it, sending it back to us, again, from whom you are now. A very touching dedication.

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-22 23:10:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.98077
Those gone who we yet feel still in some way we know real belonging and longing too a depth of feeling for those certain few Just felt the need to string a few lines together from what I felt on reading your poem.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-14 13:21:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64000
Jana--This poem is very eclectic, IMO: a poem of address; an elegy; but mostly scribed as a tribute/dedication to Jeffrey and your relationship (and rightly so). The title is excellent and cares well the theme and tone for the entire post: your metaphorically inferencing of many/varied childhood escapades vividly captures the bittersweet times spent in company of this loving/loved brother. Thanks for sharing such a personal/emotional/stiring/poignant effort w/TPL. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-12 16:07:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Jana: Your first poem! I don't care if whoever reads my remarks thinks I've gone over the top with superlatives - let 'em! This is one of the most astonishing poems of love and loss I've read. It is light-filled and enlarges my own sense of hope to be reunited with my own dear ones who have gone ahead. Jana, you are a born poet, without doubt; may nothing ever stop your pen! Poems like this cannot be 'manufactured' IMO -- they cannot be 'workshopped' or IMO, edited. They are whole units of a substance so pure that I can only liken them to photons. Sure, you might tinker with this -- but in my view it is already perfect as the touch you describe from Jeffrey. I'm not getting to my internal reaction yet -- working up to it. I am so moved by the way you have ably informed this piece with your love for your brother and his love for you that I feel that almost any comments I can make will be redundant. Nevertheless, as a writer you need your readers' responses. Especially in S3, I feel that you are answering a universal question in a way that buoyantly lifts me up to the realization that we are all 'this' to one another: Who Are We? Brother and Sister Suspended in a crystal ball of fiery opal light That holds the essence of our unspoken love Traversing our worlds apart. I know that in the literal sense, you are writing of your brother Jeffrey. But in another sense -- I feel this deeply in my bones -- you are also writing of each of us, whether in a marriage partnership, friendship, blood relationship, or any "other" being we meet. With "unspoken love" I hear the core of what lies within us (yes, I believe that we are good at the core, made in the image of our Creator) that recognizes the divine in all other beings. These values appear to be lost in the present world of conflict, struggles for power, and overt hostility. But it's only the re-discovery of such love that will make it possible for the human race to continue on the planet. The symbol of the "crystal ball" could be a transmitter, receiver and magnifier. The suggestion is that we are made of pure spirit, but for a while, "traversing...worlds apart". I felt your sweet spirit softly touch me. I recognize that shadow on the wind as you, My kind doe-eyed brother. Your Love pervades my soul And gives me hope for all Our unending future lives entwined That we shall meet again As shadows on the wind of Time. I simply can't read this in only one way, because it's impossible for me to not 'hear' the final stanza as a message of "hope for all"! Though I realize this is enjambed with the next line, I can't help but hear it this way. It tells me that I will meet my son again, in an "unending future" (again I am dividing up the words differently), our "lives entwined". The sweetest words are these: "we shall meet again" -- Jana, how happy I am that you shared this poem from ten years ago. It's almost as if I have been waiting for these words all this time. Your "kind doe-eyed brother" has touched other lives as well as his family members and other loved ones. He has touched mine. Thank you for sharing him with us. Very choked up, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-10-12 15:53:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh my, Jana, how exquisite this is. Your gift for visual imagery is apparent even back then. Your brother's physical passing is but temporary, as your reference to "unending future lives" makes clear. I have often heard that certain souls incarnate together, repeatedly, as they are bonded and linked through karmic obligations. Passages of Time that caught in a silver spider web Spun upon a looking glass. Who Are We? Brother and Sister Suspended in a crystal ball of fiery opal light This is just gorgeous! The opal is itself a spiritual gem, changeable in its colors just as is the human aura. The crystal ball allusion implies foreknowledge of one's own destiny and place in the universe. Therefore, if a brother has been taken from the earth at too young an age, his fate must be connected with some other realm. We leave once we have fulfilled our purposes here, I believe. However, there are purposes beyond the ones we see and know. I love the image of laughter "swirling, lifting, floating" - like the spiritual body itself. It gives a tangible shape to joy. The kaleidoscope also incorporates a concept of physical qualities, associated to psychic forms. Why should not memories possess hue and texture? They can be reanimated at will, and live in the mind until souls are eventually reunited. Did you write this quite soon after he left the earth, or is it a poem that came gradually, as grief faded? I'm sure you'd probably feel an urge to revise somewhat - I read your forum post - but it is the way you wanted it at that time and, therefore (much like an old photograph) it isn't the composition that matters, it's the content, and the reason for its having been written at all. It still has the power to move a reader, as it's just done for me. ((hugs)) Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: TJ Daniels On Date: 2004-10-12 13:15:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jana. Sorry for your loss. >> First poem ever written. I shall be very gentle. :) I have difficulty with poems, in which every line is capitalised. Remember, we're taught in school that a CAPITAL letter starts a sentence. I found it a bit difficult reading your poem because of that. Daniel aka T. J. Daniels

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2004-10-12 11:24:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Beautiful. Perhaps you were walking along the shore, and the blowing winds and salty smells of the sea brought your brother back to you. Maybe the two of you spent many days together on that shore, or one like it, but you took that moment, that remembrance, and captured it wonderfully. Nice alliteration here- Passages of Time that caught in a silver spider web Spun upon a looking glass. And this is so beautifully worded-Our unending future lives entwined That we shall meet again As shadows on the wind of Time. The best thing is that you express loss without sorrow. Well done.

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