This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy T Bindhammer On Date: 2004-10-12 19:46:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Frozen no more

Death, fear, hate, anger frozen in myself. Poison all the parts of  me shattered like glass. Glass broken, heart shattered will lost, nothing matters frozen in a place of hate frozen where there is no peace frozen so death will not come. Anger, rage, kill, die frozen in my heart,  cannot move, poisoned through not worth the time to move Can't breathe can't move frozen in my being poison is the rage and anger cannot move, no longer care. Shut down, frozen no end is near except the poison of the rage and  anger that I fear. Curl up find comfort - no not for me just the poison of the fear and  anger/rage will be. No quitting. No dying. No frozen pieces  warm sun, breaks the frozen heart the heart that seemed to stop. Spirit, will, fight, anguish  fight to break the frozen fear nothing seems to find its way into my heart - nothing comes near. Kill, Die, "I WILL NOT" a part of me is screaming somewhere in the broken pieces there is a place to find some strength. Courage where? Anyone care? 'Yes' the answer is. Spirit break this frozen piece of heart to mend it back together. Yellow, blue, green, silver all the parts that find the strength. Hope, peace, healing spirit this is where my movement screams - "NO to death and dying " says, "Peace to all that will not feel -  Peace to all the frozen parts  that poison cannot steal." They will not get the broken heart of frozen and anguish fight taken too much from me to win  on this or any night. Upward goes, anguish woes, still I find the strength. Move I must to get the courage  to get out of frozen poison once more Let those screaming pieces Yell and tell the tale of pain they will not come here - not now or again Safe I am in this fight I will not quit not now or ever broken I am but will not quit hate, despair, anguish, fear - hit with all your might   I am not willing to quit no, not now or any night. Broke the frozen fear and anger wash away the pain Let the poison out of me  so I can find peace again.
Copyright © October 2004 Nancy T Bindhammer

Additional Notes:
A fight that I have fought so reciently - to break the program of death and dying with a cult I was born into. I hope that you can see that the kill is of myself programmed so young. Never fear I will not quit.

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2004-10-12 21:26:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
Though certainly not familiar with your experience, I find commonalities in your poem with a period of my life after my father died 8/26/03. By Christmas, I had hit the bottom of a depression I had skirted only the upper levels of all my life. I felt poisoned by the fear I would soon be dead, hatred of my own weakness, and anger at everyone and everything I blamed for my problems. I had lost my will to live and completely understand your words-"heart shattered will lost, nothing matters frozen in a place of hate", "cannot move, poisoned through not worth the time to move" I lay in bed for a month as the world passed me by, no more than roadkill on the highway of life. Kill, Die, "I WILL NOT" a part of me is screaming These lines perfectly describe my mindset when I decided to live. Courage where? Even if nobody else cared for my life, I DID! Anyone care? 'Yes' the answer is. Let those screaming pieces Yell and tell the tale of pain they will not come here - not now or again (This captures my new attitude perfectly.) I will not quit not now or ever Dammit Nancy! Never give up! Think of all you broken I am but will not quit would have missed already. hate, despair, anguish, fear - hit with all your might I am not willing to quit

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-12 21:25:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Nancy: I am stunned by this piece. I won't comment on it as a work of poetry, because I recognize it for what it is - part of your fight for survival, and necessary for your healing. My suggestion is to keep writing; keep writing and talk to someone you trust, for the energy contained in your words is enormous. Because of the work I did before my retirement, I recognize some of the things in your poem. I never worked with a child or adult who had been programmed this way, but am familiar with the concept from workshops I attended. I also saw some children who had been part of a cult, but they, as far as I know, had not been programmed yet. They were very young at the time I saw them, and what they related to me was enough to give me nightmares. I can only applaud you for speaking out, and hope that you are keeping safe in all possible ways. Safe I am in this fight I will not quit not now or ever broken I am but will not quit hate, despair, anguish, fear - hit with all your might I am not willing to quit no, not now or any night. This isn't a critique as such, but a response to what you have written above, from my own perspective. I am rooting for you, applauding that you have chosen life over death, and believe in your right to your own life, free of the bonds which were forced upon you. Any and all acts which you may have been forced to participate in were not your fault. There are others who have made the break, but it is sometimes difficult to know whom to trust. It must be frightening to have spoken up as you have in this poem, and to allow others to read of your experience. There are many fine people here who will offer support and encouragement as you regain your strength, and release some of the trauma in the form of written work. Sending you my warmest thoughts and prayers for your healing. Peace, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-10-12 20:05:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Dear Nancy, There is so much desperation in this poem. I can feel the anger spilling out in each verse - the strong will of the writer to break the pattern, once and for all and find comfort away from these troubling issues. The emotional turmoil is felt, the anguish seem immense at a level that I could never comprehend. I am sad after reading this piece and I hope and pray the victim in this poem rewards themselves with a clear view of a brighter future. Sincerely, DeniMari
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