This Poem was Submitted By: Primrose Maclean On Date: 2004-10-17 00:20:01 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Your Rainbow I want to trek to your rainbow,
and on my way there
I will relish stomping in the puddles
in my yellow gum boots
without an umbrella
my hair flat on my head with fallen raindrops.
I will gaze into the grey sky
Neck stretched back
Drops of water bouncing off my open lips
And into my mouth
While eyeing off a pocket of blue
peripherally
A small speck of colour,
A promise of your rainbow |
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Copyright © October 2004 Primrose Maclean
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-11-02 15:18:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
The images in this poem were absolutely fun! What’s “eyeing off”? I love a calm, positive rain. This poem reminded me of going to Disneyland in the rain. We got soaked, but it was my best Disneyland trip ever! Thanks for giving me that happy rainy day feeling even though the sun is bright and shiny here.
Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-10-31 22:17:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Dear Primrose
I get a sense of certainty that the rainbow will be there waiting for you to arrive.
I was going to wish you happy travelling, but with your wet lips and gumboots, obviously you're already happy.
Regards
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-10-18 12:23:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.08333
Dear Primrose,
I completely enjoyed this poem. It's natural earthy tone blended with good imagery makes it unique.
This girl is willing to experience life - and I especially like the last line in the first verse.
My hair flat on my head with fallen raindrops - (no fussy woman here)- just a light spirit that has found pleasure in this act. We mostly think of children doing these kinds of things - stomping in puddles - but -
why should they have all the fun?
Your Rainbow - is a perfect title - and I wonder if you are referring to a higher power here. Just a thought.
The second verse is just as appealing - creating a wonderful view for the reader - drops of water bouncing off my open lips.
This is very good. Sounds like something I should try - the next time it rains.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-17 20:07:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69231
Hi Primrose,
This is just an absolute delightful poem. I read it several times because it
sounds good to my ears and the idea of standing in he rain waiting for the promuise of
(his) rainbow is delicious. I am a hopeless romantic so I am sure you are speaking
to a loved one or someone you hope will be a loved one. 'I will relish stomping in the
puddles in my yellow gum boots'...what a great image. I remember my children doing this
and so I tried it with them...was all kinds of fun!...'My hair flat on my head from the
fallen raindrops'...I know this flat hair thing way too much...at times like that I don't
know why I wasn't blessed with curly hair....'I will gaze into the sky with neck streatched
back..drops of water bouncing off my lips and into my mouth.' another real life image you
have limned with your pen....'While eyeing off a pocket of blue peripherally'...
...'a small speck of colour...a promise of your rainbow'...the last two lines are my
favorite...they are lovely and wistfull. I hope you received the rainbow you are waiting
for! Good poem...enjoyable read.
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-10-17 12:57:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Primrose,
This poem is so full of ‘lightness” yet there is a depth that I see and possibly I see it because I tend to dig into a poem and find what it means “to me”. It may be totally different than what the author wrote it about, but it speaks and I will tell you how it reflects to me. It seems you are inspecting someone else’s rainbow, yet this someone is very close to you in heart. You desire to follow the steps to their rainbow but you want to enjoy the course on your way. Oh the delight you find in plodding into the water puddles, much as the delight of when we were small, and the description of the gum boots, being yellow, bring vivid pictures to my mind. The freedom of being face up to the rain, allowing it to soak your face and hair without care, is liberating and brings back the excitement of not caring what others think, at least to me.
As you look up directly into the path of the rain, you can see the blue sky to each side of the gray cloud, thus you know there is a promise of sun and warmth again. The blue color may also show you or assure you this person is not far away, yet close to your heart and there is promise of something once again. The drops of water that bounce off your lips are the liberating agents, which allow you this great peace. Oh, I can see the entire picture in my mind.
Since the rainbow means so much and can mean many things to each person, I take it for myself as a “promise” of love. This is my take and it is a very good poem, full of metaphors for myself, and I will have to say I love it. Great job!
My very best,
Debbie
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