This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2004-10-19 14:14:14 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Raw Remains

I remember,  some twenty years or so ago; odd? for me to be able to say that. Mother, always said stuff like that, to deaf ear! Now I know, from what direction she was coming, backwards through time, from lost youth to regreat. She would spin tedious tales of "if onlyies" and "what if's". It saddens me somewhat, to have been placed within that calagory, eternally labeled incomplete, for now she breaths no more, and nothing can be restored,  changed or laid to rest... like she finally was.

Copyright © October 2004 Nancy Ann Hemsworth


This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-22 20:27:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.96078
This reminds me I'm to the point where I open the frigerator and then wonder what I was even looking for and if some one interupts me mid sentence.............................................I have trouble knowing what I was talking about. And although I'm lucky enough to still have my mother alive I'm reminded more of my grand mother. She had a hearing aid and her boy friend did too. They would be having two different arguements while thinking they were having the same coversation. At least I don't think I do that yet. Thanks for letting me read and reminisce.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-10-20 14:56:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61538
Being my age, this particular verse really rings home, and although I do recall my parent being "retrospective", I don't really think it brought me anything but curiosity to the time they lived. I like your line "odd, for me to be able to say that, spoken as a question, rhetorically. And it certainly is time travel of a sort, "backwards through time", from "lost youth to regret". I am glad that looking back for me there is more than "regret" from my lost youth. I certainly understand the sentiment, I do have my share. The "if onlys and what ifs" are more of a testament to my feelings, in fact, it is difficult to escape them somtimes. I wonder after your catagory of "incomplete", and if there could be any length of time that no "incompletes" would be issued. More a topic for philosphers I guess, and I don't have that hat on today. :) Your finality of all options "laid to rest, like she finally was", is as poignant a line as I have read. I am not big on structure, spelling and punctuation unless they detract from verse, but here are some ideas that I believe were not intentional by you. backwards through time, from lost youth to regreat (regret) She would spin tedious tales of "if onlyies" and "what if's (onlys and ifs) within that calagory, eternally labeled incomplete (category) A really great piece, made me "retrospective" for a bit myself. Thank you for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-10-19 18:17:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
Dear Nancy Ann, Hi, I enjoyed this write. "Would haves and could haves", are the epitamy of regrets in life. Unfortunately, life circumstances play a big role in what we do - the choices we make and the way we respond to everything in front of us. I too have regrets - for the plan I formulated for my life at 18 never transpired. I had so much spunk and energy then and I knew exactly what I wanted. Three children, two marriages and alot of heartache between has made me realize how short life really is. I have empathy for you and your mother. I did note a few typos - but that's to be expected now and then without an edit function. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, and the sadness her regrets have imparted onto you. Sincerely, DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-19 17:20:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56250
Nancy, I like this title . It makes me think of the title "Nothing Remains." One, I like that this poem doesn't take forever to make a statement on a real issue. But you do it creatively andlightly. The words are just right. You don't bog your poem down with unnecessary blog or elevated language to talk about something as mundane as memories and "what if's." Most importantly, you set the tone of this poem in the very first line, and that's important. You begin with "I remember . . . " It's nothing extraordinary, but it's very appealing. This prose piece reads ever so clearly, and at the same time my thoughts were provoked as I am now forced to think of all of the things that I want to do and how I'm going to do them, so that my time doesn't come with what if's. Raw remains is what's left if we don't pursue our dreams or live so cautiously that we forget to enjoy it along the way. I like how you have made this personal and how you have shown that it's a pattern (your mother, and now you). Many things aren't natural, they are learned and passed down. I think that almost anything can be passed down if newer generations are afraid of change. Fear is a terrible thing. It's a type of paralysis that could lead to "raw remains" or nothing remaining. Overall, I hope that this poem was revelatory write for you, and while some things may have passed on, you still have an opportunity to seize the day, those that are left. Enjoy life. And enjoy the memories that you create. Great poem. Thanks for sharing it this month. Latorial www.latorial.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-10-19 15:33:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Dear Nancy; A thought provoking piece about the changing of the guard between generations. Much is written about youngsters coming of age...But relatively little about mature adults realizing their own mortality and similarities with their aged Parents... My condolences on the loss of your Mother... We cannot physically take every avenue in one lifetime... but we can explore many through our daydreams... Thanks for the opportunity to read and comment. Gerard
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