This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2004-10-19 21:52:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Dying to Stay Alive

Chains on cages Locks on boxes Rattling to set me free Trying hard to find room to breathe Holding it in Shutting my eyes Maybe it’s all a dream A nightmare it is But a reality still For some young innocent soul The terror is frightening Welling up inside Preserving my breath Cuz you never know  Which one’s your last Waiting and waiting Forever and ever Boiling inside The anger is seething But recognize it not The fear is effacing  Anything else that resides In the pit of my stomach As continually I’m searching For the one thing to comfort inside But nothing befits The turmoil within As memories ravage my brain I find it ironic That I seek a dark place As comfort from darkness inside Memories of cages Remembrances of boxes Buried alive Left to die Nothing can save me No comfort suffices To bring solace to an abandoned soul Lost in the darkness Grasping for breath Desperately clinging to life Dying to stay alive Such a twisted play on a mind so young Submit my soul To be saved again Sell him my heart Give him my mind He promises eternal rest And peace I can find If only I give all that I have Maybe then I’ll be able to live A life free of torture And cruelties therein Unspeakable acts leave Invisible scars Abandonment Neglect Mind twisting games Manipulating thoughts of the young  And innocent lives Trapped in a lie Locked in a box Chained in a cage Desperately clinging to life Dying to stay alive Buried alive just to die Terror astounding  Voices come pounding  Death becomes her Once more

Copyright © October 2004 Mandie J Overocker

Additional Notes:
just another one for healing...writing my way through a tuff place. comments are welcome.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-22 15:26:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56000
Hi Amanda, I have read this piece three times and each time I find myself on a lonely journey beside you just trying to stay alive. I don't know what kind of abuse you endured, whether it be physical or emotional but my guess you lived through both. You speak of being locked in cages or boxes which may be real or figurative, but either way it was horrible for you. The dynamics of your words are gut wrenching to me, which make this poem powerful in content but also in an emotional sense. My mother could be very abusive with sharp words that cut me to the core but I never felt abused just sad that I could not please her as I would have liked to. All that happened when she was old and I was caring for her....'the terror is frightening, welling up inside, preserving my breath cuz (like this word here..spoken as a child) you never know which ones your last'..what a horrible place for a child to be....we are supposed to happy as children and without worries or stress...which should be saved for adulthood. But sadly there are many children that exist day after day in a state of terror, struggling just to stay alive. Writing has a cathartic effect on me and I can see it does for you as well...keep doing it. One of these days when you have worked through this sorrow you will find happier things to write about...but that will come only when you are healed. I have also written some 'dark' poetry...just because I just have to sometimes. My heart and my prayers go out to you at this difficult time in your life. This is a good poem, one that was written from your soul. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-10-20 19:44:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Dear Mandy, I can honestly say I don’t know if I will be on or all wet with this poem, but it speaks volumes regardless to me. Everyone interprets a piece based on the voice that speaks the truth but they live their own truth that influences the entire piece, I have been on TPL since 2001, when I started writing for healing purposes. I believe the critiques were more healing than my poetry. I wrote before I was 18 but after a trauma, I quit and didn’t start back for 31 years. I am not a natural “poet”, just an everyday woman who is healing from the past and living a future of happiness, I pray. Okay, enough about me. I take your poem line by line and the first starts with your title. A stanch play on words and one I do understand for my life so well. With PTSD, the through of leaving this earth has played with my mind and yet I have a wonderful family, beautiful grown kids, and an awesome granddaughter. “Dying to Stay Alive” is exactly what this is like. I could look at this poem as one of abuse but I believe there is much more depth to it than that. A box with locks, rattling with a metallic noise, sounds as if you have been secured by fate in something other than a “real” box, The box may be closed or shoved in, thus you struggle for a breath. Where is the room to find air? Almost as if you were in something under the water, or pushing into a wall or cave. “This can’t be happening so me”! I see you were in some car accidents and this could have been you inside a car. You know it is real but you wish by any means this was a dream and you would wake from it quickly. We all know that we “don’t” know when our last breath will be, And being locked away, where taken by someone or lost in a box, as you describe, would be terrifying. The thought and knowledge that this may be it is overwhelming, This could also relate to a child of abuse, shut in their own box, unable to express there greatest fears because of the repercussions they have been told they would receive. Regardless, this one is innocent and life is in a major turmoil. The “boiling inside” with anger seething sounds more like abuse, but one can be upset at being in an accident and rarely is that totally forgotten, There is turmoil in just not knowing if one is going to live, why did this happen to me, how do I get out of here alive? I could have written the next part, which is excellently portrayed: "The turmoil within As memories ravage my brain I find it ironic That I seek a dark place As comfort from darkness inside Memories of cages Remembrances of boxes Buried alive Left to die Nothing can save me No comfort suffices To bring solace to an abandoned soul Lost in the darkness Grasping for breath Desperately clinging to life Dying to stay alive" All of this pertains to my experiences and you have written it in such depth with such great words. Then again, you speak of the “twisted play on a mind so young”, thus I go back to abuse. This person wants so desperately to live, to not remember anything, to have a clean new life, that they are “Dying to stay alive”. The torture could be from the accident but I feel this poem portrays aspects of both. An in depth, unique, soul searching poem. I lived it but you certainly may have or know someone who has in the same or different manner. Very well written and very the elements of the spirit, of God, the eternal rest, the peace one can finally find, Abandonment, neglect, invisible scars, cruelties, torture, manipulation, games, terror pounding voices, this all brings me back to a great suffering we don’t wish on anyone, oh the memories are enough to bring one to “death becomes her once more”. What a poem and what depth. I will remember this one and I know “ghosts” live on from time to time. My very best to you, Debbie
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-10-19 23:50:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
Dear Amanda, You've come to the right place - there are so many wonderful people here and I know this type of encouragement will be beneficial to you. I wish there were a pill we could take - to erase unpleasant memories from our past. Unfortunately, we don't so we through efforts like this - form a healing plan for ourselves - and writing is one of the best outlets. We have to get it out of our systems otherwise we will be spoiled for life. We can't let those who abused us have the upper hand anymore. Now we are in control and have to let go of the haunting ghosts that were responsible for our pain. This is an easy to read and comprehendable piece. You have relayed the fears well, the emotions and depth of the anguish it has caused you. You are looking it straight in the eye now - and saying you have had enough. One thing that has held me up is my religion. God made us, he loves us, he watched us being formed in our mothers stomachs. He laid out a plan - and he wants us to heal and live the contented life we deserve. We are 100% good no matter what happened to us - and if you keep up at the pace you are going - I think you will heal and life will be yours for the taking. Good luck Amanda, sincerely, DeniMari
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to Database Page!