This Poem was Submitted By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-11-04 14:35:59 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Dividing Factors

The final denominator divides the busy soft glow from the gray stillness the onlookers tear and the languid tides the warm hands turning against the chillness Blow a breathing breathe into a leaving what expires  within every goodbye sling the centrifuge, separate the grieving from hearts too heavy to lift where they lie all look from their individual peak bottomless valleys abound to be bridged span infinity to touch cheek to cheek spirited beyond the personal ridge   Immense holes are dug, the dirt piles high   eyes look down and shrug or look to the sky

Copyright © November 2004 James Edward Schanne


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-11-30 19:25:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94444
This poem is written with a morbid tone about it. Perhaps a funeral? All of the elements are there. Tears, a setting of being outside, grief, heavy hearts, immense holes.... etc. I have to say this is intriguing and the visuals are done very well. I can see this, transpiring in front of me and that is the best a poem can do for the reader. I did hesitate on the title of it, dividing factors - that message still escapes me. Only one error (a typo) breathing breath? but none the less doesn't take away from the message in a very surreal piece. Sincerely, DeniMari


This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-11-29 20:26:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi James, You are a talented poet! You write in such deep and contemplating piece. Plus, your works are well-posited poetries…you structured it with proper rhyming and syllabication. Just like this poem “Dividing Factors”, I’m amazed on how you maintained the A-B-A-B rhyming and 10-10-10-10 syllabication. “The final denominator divides the busy soft glow from the gray stillness the onlookers tear and the languid tides the warm hands turning against the chillness” --- I liked how you use the word “denominator” as a playful support for your title “Dividing Factors”. The metaphors and oxymoronic implications of your words are entertaining and at the same time appropriate. Nice choice of words! “Blow a breathing breathe into a leaving what expires within every goodbye sling the centrifuge, separate the grieving from hearts too heavy to lift where they lie” --- Wow, “blow a breathing breathe” – this is exotic and sophisticated! Only you can think of it. Continuously, you supported the title with such words like “centrifuge” and “separate”. Creative! “all look from their individual peak bottomless valleys abound to be bridged span infinity to touch cheek to cheek spirited beyond the personal ridge” --- “all look from their individual peak” – I like how you put us readers within our observatory post, mirroring, microscoping and pointing back to our own lives – that continuous the art of your mystery. “Immense holes are dug, the dirt piles high eyes look down and shrug or look to the sky” --- What a way to end this poem! Such depth and profundity! It leaves us readers hanging and questioning our own thoughts. This is such a unique piece, same with all your works. And you have done it effortlessly. Thank you for sharing it to us. Please continue to share your abundant talent and skills. You are a great add-on to the site. Thanks for coming to our poetry and critique world. :) As always, Erzahl :)
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