To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Impulseable Revved up intuitions steaming the skull raised on pressure pursuits, eying relief hypodermic temperaments jump and call drums into the heart temporal belief idols idealized, magnetize the limbs unroll soullets of conflicted arias bounced from the tongue by the tragic whims held on the note shaking out growled see-yas to passing visuals stuffed full of dreams light striking the socket of reflection energy puffs on delirious beams dragging slowly the built up affection to eruptions' inevitable stroke of genius clogging arteries with smoke |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-12-02 07:05:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi James,
Your interestingly 'jittery' meter, with its frequent shifts from iambic to trochaic (raised on, idols) and strong spondees (heart temporal, note shaking, growled see-yas), really suits the theme of this sonnet. We're all victims of information overload and the stresses imposed on us by our modern lives. Workplace pace, emotional overload, impossible goals, all add to the pent-up steam inside our skulls.
In S2 I especially applaud the sonic elements, such as internal rhyme (unroll soullets - pricelss!). Those "conflicted arias" reveal our push-pull routines; one impulse tells us to go ahead and the other urges caution. The "growled see-yas" (wonderful!) reveal a transitory quality to relationships. There are no anchors here.
In S3, the imagery of light and puffs of energy is like seeing smoke and mirrors - illusory at best. We spend our energies dreaming and are devastated when they collapse and die. The final eruption implodes the brain. We may think big but we overwhelm ourselves and can't cope with the reality - that we're really not so important after all. That "genius" is far less productive than a good dollop of common sense and down-to-earth practicality.
I do enjoy your sonnets with their contemporary style and intriguing subjects! These days I've been unable to comment much, owing to two deaths in the family, but I've read many of them with much appreciation.
Take Care,
Brenda