This Poem was Submitted By: Robert Wyma On Date: 2004-11-18 16:27:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Currency of Cruelty Lasting masked as living life darkened
through hinted husks of human promise
truly stripped while hidden remains holy
in blood spattered grimacing glory glorified
Facelessness fatefully played out plainly
as power courts fear to carve another appetite
inwardly starved by an exterior evidenced in marble
while wolf packs of apathy imagine white gloved better
and monopolies pontificate high purpose
confused in musings conferred by control
Resolute suffering sets cruelty as currency
rising in the wake of promised better
beget in the brutality of interpretative conviction
spurred by righteousness, lightlessly crafted
in the absence of appreciated humanhood
May the hourglass
make our fate slowly
grain by grain
as stiff pain purposed and certain
darkens with shadows of surety,
the bright prize of unity.
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Copyright © November 2004 Robert Wyma
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-12-04 17:36:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
CURIOUS ALLITERATIVE TITLE WHICH RAISES QUESTIONS IN READER'S MIND AS TO
WHAT CURRENCY AND HOW IS IT CRUEL. (WILL GET OUT OF CAPS). We lived
in dark; hints or husks of former tunes and you had to find your own special frequencies.
This is a hellish planet you are beginning to describe...possibly more thsn a planet but worlds of
planets. An intriguing phrase from Stanza 2: "wolfpacks of apathy imagine better".
Robert, I have stopped and reread this poem numerous times, and I'm getting nowhere. I usually
do not have problems understanding what is occurring but you've lost me.
It appeared society has disintegrated into an anarchy wherein the more cruel one is, the greater
his reward.
Only the last stanza presents any where positive or where darkness abates or a prize of UNITY of
surety occurs. I know you often pen recondite, academic work but I've not seen this type of
mystic, surreal, It is magical in one sense, feels over-done in another.
While you display a remarkable predilection for the use of alliteration, I think you could lose
some of yours so it does not seem openly apparent nor
tedious. I know your brilliance as poet; I think the problem was my inability to connecy mentally.
Best wishes,
Mell Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-12-02 06:33:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Robert,
The road to hell is paved, not with good intentions, but with bad. "Hinted husks of human promise" may imply that there's hope, but most of us know it won't get us anywhere. "Hidden remains holy" - well said. Secrecy cloaks our misdeeds and we excuse them with self-righteousness. This piece could allude to the current war in Iraq, the corruption within the Church, or any other contemporary situation in which the betrayers are initially trusted as saviors. I think we're much more vulnerable to those kinds than to someone we've never trusted in the first place. This makes the outcome all the more horrible.
"inwardly starved by an exterior evidenced in marble
while wolf packs of apathy imagine white gloved better
and monopolies pontificate high purpose"
Even our institutions participate in this betrayal. The justice system, the UN, the military - they are allowed to assume control and do as they wish because WE have given them the power. The people get the governments they deserve. We may "imagine white gloved better" (great line!) that will act with dignity and compassion, but we won't get it. The oxymoronic "wolf packs of apathy" subdue all possibility for change. Meanwhile, big business reaps the windfall, and policies are set by those who seem beyond question.
"Resolute suffering sets cruelty as currency
rising in the wake of promised better
beget [begotten?] in the brutality of interpretative conviction
spurred by righteousness, lightlessly crafted"
War victims suffer; so do patients who can't get into hospitals without health insurance. The "promised better" is just a fool's illusion. "Lightlessly crafted" is terrific; it speaks of the grim pragmatism that operates within social and commercial organizations. There's little by way of true compassion for the rest of the world. It's all self-interest, all personal profit. This may be an efficient process but, as you say, there is no light in it.
The closing stanza shifts in cadence, which I like because it tightens the lines and condenses the message.
"May the hourglass
make our fate slowly
grain by grain"
Throughout the poem you're using some exceptionally fine sonic combinations, with plenty of alliteration and effective consonance. Here, the assonance of the long-a stands out. These are eloquent lines. "Stiff pain purposed and certain" will permit us no optimism. We'll just take our time arriving at our dark destinies. The "bright prixe of unity" may well be illusory. In order to win that, we'll have to ignore all the evils that serve as means to this end. For some, that's impossible to do. I believe poets are among the most vocal in crying out against the status quo and demanding a change. Sometimes, this works. Unfortunately, political clout doesn;t usually rest with us, does it?
But we can dream, and scream, and maybe the right reader will absorb our messages and act on them. You've certainly made a vailiant and eloquent attempt to nudge a few consciences in that direction!
I hope all is well.
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-11-27 18:40:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78261
Robert,
You are not easy for me to understand. [hopefully this is the message]
I believe you want unity as mankind's fate since we're paying the price in pain and brutality
in our warring of each other.
We're always promised things will improve and yet we have no qualms of taking/or losing another life.
Either people don't care or their mislead by the powers that be.
Your use of 'h' hinted husks of human
and 'g' grimacing glory glorified
and 'p' played out plainly power
and 'c' courts carve
and 'b' better beget brutality
and more...very interesting.
your sound alikes great.....righteousness, lightlessly absence
Good job Robert...
Thanks for the read
may happiness be yours
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-11-20 12:05:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Robert,
This piece has so many statements of truth and the horror of these truths is
eveident in the words making it impossible for me to dissect them. Rather than reading
one or two words, at a time, to get their full meaning they rely on each other to
illustrate a world that is confused, sad, and searching for peace among man....'hinted husks
of human promise truly stripped while human remains holy in blood spattered grimicing
blory glorified' this compelling statement sets the tone for what is to come....'wolf
packs of apathy'...so true and what a powerful and inspired way to convey this thought...
...'resolute suffering sets cruelty as currancy'...the suffering that is occuring every
day in the world is almost too much to bear. And now I hear the threat of nuclear war-
fare is a reality...to horrible to even think about...but we must because the wolf packs
of apathy are out there....'may the hourglass make our fate slowly grain by grain...
as stiff pain purposed and certain darkens with shadows of surety, the bright prize of unity.'
this last stanza is the only one that gives me a grain of hope...I pray we will find
that bright prize of unity but I fear that is will be in a long time coming. This poem
is well crafted, compelling, and important for every one to read...thanks for posting it
and may we all pray for peace.
Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-11-19 16:59:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Robert:
This is a work of deep and powerful themes. There is much to digest, and
this is not a poem to be approached lightly, but one I can envision as
part of a larger work. Its philosophical import is challenging, and not
for the faint-hearted! "Living life darkened" has become the way of the
average human in (most of us) with only "hinted husks" of promise beneath
the detritus. "stripped" and "blood spattered" accurately and pointed
describe our state of being in today's wartorn world. As sensate beings,
we cannot be unaware of the "glory glorified" as we watch the news or
listen to it, or read the newspapers. You lead the reader to your
theme that the "hidden remains holy" -- untouched by the drama and
suffering that are pervasive. I believe your poem is written for
the soul, so while our conscious minds may not fully comprehend,
our inner selves will absorb the message.
"Facelessness fatefully played out plainly"
Your skillful poetics are so smooth that I cannot dissect them -- only
remark on the seamless quality -- for example, the assonance in the
line above -- "facelessness/fatefully/played/plainly" along with
your plosive allits, which give this line a kind of relentless
cadence and feel. "wolf packs of apathy" --you show us the enemy--
our own apathy in the face of "confused musings" and "monopolies"
who "pontificate high purpose." It is enough to cause many of us
to become emotionally and spiritually paralyzed.
"lightlessly crafted
in the absence of appreciated humanhood"
The most telling message of this poem, for me, is the clearly-stated
description above of the 'way things are' at present. The negative
illusion, the appearance of the defeat of the sacred, of the Light.
Thoughtfully, you lead the reader through the morass of helplessness
and ennui.
These lines below are like a prayer"
May the hourglass
make our fate slowly
grain by grain
as stiff pain purposed and certain
darkens with shadows of surety,
the bright prize of unity.
The end words of "the bright prize of unity" hold the key to the transformation
that is asked of us now. In these apocalyptic times, is it not most important
to keep "the bright prize" within our vision? You give me the feeling that
our present sufferings will evaporate if we hold fast to the faith in a
higher purpose, and compassion for all beings. "stiff pain purposed" is
good in disguise, I think -- part of the process of transmutation.
Thank you for this thoughtful, spiritually-focused work -- one that may
help readers endure until "the bright prize of unity" becomes our
mutual vision.
Bravo!
All my best,
Joanne
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