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Soul Architecture Sign under construction hoisted mid air dangles from perceptions' hand with a creak in winds winding whistles, ringing the lair vibration in the plans wake dreams to speak out runs the lines flexing preparation to fence muscle with cutting wit strongly laughable constructs of trepidation shakeup the spine of unplugged cords wrong twisting accusations of hardwired short circuits of redundancy hold on to the now, a hanging trump card mired by thoughts in the papered sands, rubbed gone struggle hammers the self into response wisdom's the sculpture of renaissance |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-11-30 17:59:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James:
Your titles simply amaze me! And your productivity. How you write so
many poems, each with an unique flair, with many layers of meaning,
so well-crafted as to defy analysis. I find that I have to take an
indirect approach to glean some of what each has to offer. The lack
of punctuation allows my eyes to wander to and fro across a line and
into the next line(s) without pause. Your rhyme and meter needs no
further refinement -- alas, I don't know what my job as respondent
really is -- except to appreciate! I find this work a bit obscure,
which makes me want to dig into it with more fervor. But as I've
mentioned, an indirect, non-linear approach seems to serve me
best as your reader. So, if you will forgive my speculative
approach---
Sign "under construction" hoisted mid air
dangles from perceptions' hand with a creak
in winds winding whistles, ringing the lair
vibration in the plans wake dreams to speak
"winds winding whistles" -- pure magic here
The 'tion' sounds in "construction/perceptions/vibration/preparation/trepidation/accusations"
and perfect end-rhymes are signs of careful crafting -- yet seemingly seamless.
out runs the lines flexing preparation
to fence muscle with cutting wit strongly
laughable constructs of trepidation
shakeup the spine of unplugged cords wrong -wry humor & deft wordplay are hallmark "Schanne"
twisting accusations of hardwired
short circuits of redundancy hold on
to the now, a hanging trump card mired
by thoughts in the papered sands, rubbed gone
struggle hammers the self into response
wisdom's the sculpture of renaissance
If I comprehend, "the now" (present time) is "a hanging trump card"
which we mire in our thoughts -- missing the opportunity, excepting
that we gain "wisdom" through rebirth (renaissance) and experience.
"Struggle" appears to be our best friend, since we're unable to get
past redundancy without its push.
James, I think I am short-circuiting my hardwiring here, but if I
get the gist of what you're saying in this poem, I can't help
myself, can I? <smile> We do struggle, and sooner or later, we'll
encounter wisdom along the way, I think you're showing us. We're
not completely formed yet, but "under construction" and thus we
are incomplete. Your poem "wake(s) dreams to speak" in me, as
well, though my thoughts seem nearly inchoate at this moment.
Many thanks for respecting your reader's ability to grasp
the abstract.
I hope I have come somewhere close to your intent for this
piece.
Bravo!
Best wishes,
Joanne