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This Poem was Submitted By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-12-03 11:02:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Mining Discrepancies

Opportunity lies in the fissure plummet through particles hot with friction nuclei react the hopeful wisher of thoughts gravitating out of fiction Reality explodes on to the stage from curtains of wizards' ears full of plumes ringing with puffs of mushrooms growing sage synaptic gardeners culture new blooms chasms of fertilizer igniting bipolar Aurora Borealis breaths of sun surf dualities lighting panning for nuggets shaded by pallas pluck a diamond reflected from the eyes of eternity's' flickering disguise

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-06 23:13:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
James, Either you like coal mining stories or someone in your family did it for a living and passed the stories on down. You do a really wonderful job of capturing the essence of the duties. You give this profession some class. Usually we here all of the horror stories about coal mining, but you poetically do the office some justice, and it sparkles like the diamonds that can be found, right down to the last line. Thanks for sharing this one. I enjoyed reading it. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-12-09 17:35:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hi James, I have to admit I can't get inside this piece nor can I tune into your thoughts as you were writing it and I hate that! Some of it makes perfect sense to me and then I get lost and so I read it over and over to find the thread I am seeking. I know you must think I am just stupid and I hate that too! However, you have some amazing phrases and the rhyme scheme is wonderful. The town I grew up in was right next door to a mining community and when I read...opportunity lies in the fissure..I was ready to take a trip back in time but then I got lost in words I couldn't make fit my mind-set. ...'from curtains of wizards' ears full of plumes'..such a great line..but then I had trouble with 'mushrooms growing sage'...please forgive me as I am so sorry I can't get this one. The last two lines really do make up for my ineptness....'pluck a diamond reflected from the eyes of eternity's flickering disguise.' Amazing. HELP!!! Peace...Marilyn

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