This Poem was Submitted By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-12-06 10:48:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Directions of Lost Passing Imperfection is what defines us most
inability runs weight to our toes
shakes restraint in the voice boarding boast
a nasal bridge where eyes cross airs a pose
of a striking hieroglyphic chiseled
in the face tilted to the winds design
time gives features indistinct and grizzled
collective memories slowly refine
stone spun to paper spun to back lite screen
pyramid of keyboards lead to a voice
a quiver of tongues recite targets seen
the pile bull eyed formed into a choice
fortunate forgetfulness inspires
the kindling of histories fires |
|
Copyright © December 2004 James Edward Schanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-01-07 14:10:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Well thought out and well intentioned poem which got my interest. However I do not agree with
with the last stanza. I will never forget the horrors of Bergen-Belzen, Auschwitz and all the
other Nazi death camps. It was a horrible period of our time not a natural disaster. Thanks so
much for posting.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-06 23:27:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Directions of Lost Passing is a "great" poem. It almost comes back down to earth with it's language and tone, but again you wondrously beautify and dignify a subject with your style.
Imperfections do define us, especially when it comes to people like me. I don't mean to. But for some reason, I seem to have trouble forgetting the thoughts of others (smile).
Inability runs weight to our toes . . . I think there's so much truth in the lines that you pen in this poem. This line reminded me of a conversation that I had just to day with someone about how we have a tendency toward feeling inferiority and it grounds us; it kills us. We kill our own selves because of what we allow to define us.
Darn good poem, and it's truthful to life right down to the end.
Thanks for sharing.
Latorial
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-12-30 18:05:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34783
James,
fortunate forgetfulness inspires
the kindling of histories fires.
As children, in history books, we read of explorers and inventers, politians artist,..........
believing them to be leaders and ones to admire. And in fact they were very imperfect.
Sometimes downright awful evil people. Buffalo Bill, Balboa, Christopher Colombus,and a million more.
I liked the bulls eyed image...stone spun to paper is good too.
Hopefully I got this!
I like your thinking/right on.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-12-14 16:18:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi James,
Here I am all in a dither as no matter how often I read this piece I am not getting
to the core of it. I know that is my fault not yours, as a writer, but it frustrates me
as I have found in reading your work that it is worthy and enlightening. Your first
line in this piece compelled me to read on...'imperfection is what defines us most' I
really like that because not only is it true but exemplifies all humans even tho most would
not want to admit that their faults are what defines them. However, 'inability runs
weight to our toes shakes restraint in the voice boarding boast a nasal bridge where
eyes cross airs a pose'....now I am hopelessly lost as far as your thoughts go and you
know how much I like to dig into the poet's words and find him/her there!...'times give
features indistinct and grizzled'...I also like this line...the ravages of time assualt us
all and change our features so much as we age. And your last stanza I think is the most
profound and probably my favorite....'fortunate forgetfulness inspires the kindling of
histories fires'...wonderful line. Again I am sorry that I have missed most of your
meaning here...maybe just some punctuation would help me understand better as I lose my
way without it.
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2004-12-10 02:23:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Help me out here. I purposefully have avoided your submissions because I can't ever figure out what you're saying. Don't take that as a negative comment about your poetry, rather more a reflection of my mental laziness. The lack of punctuation and presence of only one capital letter makes it even more difficult for me to understand as I don't know where separate thoughts begin and end. Just when I think I'm getting a handle on a stanza, a line will pop up and screw me. But I decided I'm going to go after some of yours now in the hopes of gaining some insight into your work to help in the future, as well as trying to help you improve your poetry.
The title doesn't really help much (even after reading), but I sense that maybe this poem is about how the passage of time seems to distorts historical perspectives (like the rewriting of the Bible, etc.). The first stanza I get until the last line. It seems that your saying that we are only human, and when faced with new situations, decisions, etc., we don't always make the choices. That in our haste and self-confidence, we often act impulsively, and others are encouraged to do so as well.
#2 I felt I understood the most, and it is my favorite. It seems to make a comparison between our recollections of the future and a wind eroded rock formation with both, over time, losing the sharpness of their edges, and clarity of detail.
#3 It seems to blame technology for distorted recollections as computers speed truths and untruths instantly, allowing widespread exposure and acceptance.
I like the couplet at the end-I think it speaks truth in that the omission or alteration of certain undesirable aspects of the past are solely responsible for history repeating itself.
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