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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-12-08 16:07:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Love Tide

Beyond dawn's waking form some storm doth break and sink my love for you, my soul. Like gongs all nights engulf me now, all lights forsake, and only voiceless birds may trill their songs. What reach will sail me to your side again? I seek you under melancholy suns. When land-becalmed, I drift and drift in vain and sing your rune till all creation runs. Before the crimson rays of days be done before my mourning winds denude all trees before a storm unfurls across the sun my soul will flow again into your seas. No, nothing I embrace in fantasy will stay my lifelong voyage unto thee.

Additional Notes:
Sometime ago Mark H. was helping me write a sonnet. Finally he tinkered with the words and it into one..this is the result. I found it in a pile of papers and decided to post it, with his permission!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-07 00:10:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
This is lovely. It takes me back to the ethereal poetry written by the traditionalists, and you combine, with your language, so much of the contemporary with the ordinary style of poetry. It's a love poem that entices the reader from line one until the end. I felt like I was singing a song to my husband while reading this one. It reminds me of many, many letters that I have penned. Letter writing is an artform that we must continue to bring to the masses. Love Tide, I like how you bring two themes together as one, love and the sea. Poetry is off the chart when I see themes so well conjoined and fulfilling. Thanks for sharing. This is an awesome poem. Latorial

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2005-01-04 11:11:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.14286
A sonnet on the ebb and flow of love, nature and emotion intertwine nicely and the last two lines are a dandy summing up I think.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-12-27 21:02:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, What a wonderful sonnet! Full of melody and colors! You are very good in this, you “nature-poet”. I am always inspired by your writings especially with your nature and life themes. My haiku (somehow) got its inspirations from you, on how you dramatize your words with it. You are so much in-touch with nature, where readers can immediately perceive and feel. You can easily interpret the moves and moods of nature. You write with so much passion! Thanks to Mark H., your tutor that brings out the best in you. I immensely enjoyed all your words here but best are the following lines / phrases: - “Like gongs all nights engulf me now, all lights forsake,” - “I seek you under melancholy suns.” - “my soul will flow again into your seas.” - “No, nothing I embrace in fantasy will stay my lifelong voyage unto thee.” --- Powerful ending! Unforgettable! Again, you display another winning entry worthy of our read, time and vote! Thank you for posting this “vintage” excellence! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-12-19 16:53:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn: Congratulations to you -- and also to Mark H. This is exquisite -- stunning to mind and heart. It is offered modesty -- but I sincerely believe it is one of your best ever. Meter and rhyme are flawless. The diction is of a romantic age past, which comes to life again with your excellent artistry. There is a love within this poem which outlasts changes in language usage. The fixed form is a compelling container, I believe, and this one delivers a powerful wallop. Beyond dawn's waking form some storm doth break and sink my love for you, my soul. Like gongs all nights engulf me now, all lights forsake, and only voiceless birds may trill their songs. Ordinary diurnal life pales before the sense of a storm's approach, and an enveloping sense of 'night' which embrace's the speak, "all lights forsake" to the accompaniment of "voiceless birds" -- certainly a contradiction in terms - for what is a bird without voice? This reader senses the inner turmoil, the ceaseless thoughts which, while unvoiced, cycle around and around in the speaker's consciousness. What reach will sail me to your side again? I seek you under melancholy suns. When land-becalmed, I drift and drift in vain and sing your rune till all creation runs. The separation seems impossible to breach. Poignancy informs the sound of "what reach will sail me" to the beloved's side again. The words "melancholy" and the phrase "drift in vain" along with the speaker singing her beloved's "rune till all creation runs" convey a deep, abiding anguish of loss. This poem is incredibly, sadly evocative, but its sheer beauty makes the reading bearable. You have given us a deeper understanding the depths of this kind of yearning. Before the crimson rays of days be done before my mourning winds denude all trees before a storm unfurls across the sun my soul will flow again into your seas. Here is where the poem 'turns' as sonnets must before they end. "Before" is the keyword, I believe, as 'but' often is in other works. The poem can as easily be interpreted as addressed to the soul, or to the Creator, as to a beloved, IMO. I am equally moved by it as a lovesong to God. I especially savored the top line's assonance above, and the imagery of "mourning winds" which "denude all trees." A hurricane or typhoon wind comes to mind, which destroys that which is in its path: surely mourning is one of the most overwhelming, engulfing human emotions. But the sonnet form, again, serves as a container which really intensifies the necessarily restrained expression of emotion. No, nothing I embrace in fantasy will stay my lifelong voyage unto thee. Ending the poem in this way leaves the reader with the definite impression that the speaker is undaunted despite separation from the beloved. It is inspiring and heartening, Marilyn, to read a poem of this excellence and authenticity of feeling. Though suffering, the speaker's fiery hope is clearly inextinguishable. Magnificent achievement! Brava, once more! My best always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-12-09 14:41:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn–This is quite well done and what if there is collaboration? This particular fixed form is a bit more difficult to compose than the other fixed forms we normally encounter on TPL. Some poets prefer to write exclusively in one genre (a comfort zone) while others will try different forms to express themselves. I admire any and all who put their thoughts/ideas/soul down for others to review. That’s enough soap box rant, lets look at the post at hand. Of course, all requirements met (14 rhyming lines of 10 syllables) . I liked the feel/sound of the Old English verbiage(throughout); simile (“like gongs...”); and oxymoron (“...voiceless birds may trill their songs.”). One heck of a love poem with the use of hyperbole providing imagery of speaker/scribe conveying enamorement to an unknown suitor. Thanks for being honest, imagnative and bold. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-12-09 09:54:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn Dunno who this Mark H. character is, but he seems to be heavily endowed with taste, style and an infallible Don Juan-sense for vulnerable maidens, preferably in distress. I like him already. What can I say but that I'm glad you posted it? Warmest regards as always, Mark.

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-12-08 16:31:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I liked it. I don't know why. Perhaps it did say something to me I have yet to figure. I liked the sonnet approach. It's different. thanks.

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