This Poem was Submitted By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-12-21 10:39:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Renovating Thoughts

                           Brain cells with buzzsaws puzzling the view                          slices of concepts among the mind dust                        try to fit pieces of a tacky clue                        nailing notions inferred in memories rust                       hammering points with blunt observations                       spontaneously combusts the landscapes                       from the fumes of discarded notations                       well soaked in the fermentation that drapes                       doors slammed in anticipations stupor                       blind eyes turning the screws on level plans                        plane shavings speak out against the cooper                        barreling reflection's tightening spans                        containment of vintage theories to age                        the handiwork of contemplations gauge                        

Copyright © December 2004 James Edward Schanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-06 23:20:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
You sure know how to dress up a poem and turn something as mundane as carpenter work into something mysterious. I like this title, Renovating Thoughts. When you do this thing with your poetry, you almost give the reader two stories in one poem. We can go with the literal or the metaphorical, the carpenter's work or the mind's work. Thanks for making me think deeper and deeper. This poem is evident that the mind is a beautiful thing. Thanks for sharing. Latorial

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2004-12-26 12:48:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Try as I might, I just can't make a connection with this. I vaguely feel I'm grasping something one moment, then a cluster of words blows my theories out of the water. Seems you are describing various thought processes using carpentry as the vehicle. 1st stanza- buzzsaws, fitting pieces, and nailing notions could describe how the brain takes bits of info from the past and the environment and uses them to construct new meaning. Get the 2nd and 3rd lines, but 1 and 4 loses me. 2nd stanza- hammering, landscapes, fumes, could be suggesting how we create our own world, often from the wreckage around us with few blueprints to work with, and little idea on the finished product. 1st and 3rd here less vague, but 2nd and 4th destroy any ideas I might have. 3rd stanza- only get the 1st line here. While gawking at the world around us, we can often miss other things. last 3 lines just make it hard for me to connect previous ideas to, and are confusing as to the message. couplet further loses me, and I find that reading this is more work than pleasure. I'm sure that people really in the know about poetry completely understand this, but I can't make heads or tales. Forgive my ignorance. charlie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-12-21 11:44:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi again James; You have a talent for explaining one thing using analogies....or at least hammering a point as you'd say. I think that I am going to love critiquing your works because they are a challenge, I mean trying to determine if I can visualize what you were when you wrote them. Thank you for the title...that solidified my suspicions. In my mind, all work of art, carpentry, sports, business, family matters, requires logical and predetermined thoughtful planning. I see this as your process of trying to figure out everything in a finished job that you have visualized, how you see certain things easily, others are not as apparent, some other mini-visions are quickly tossed...and I'll add my own from my experience beyond the "fermentation", I can relate to soaked, drunk both figuratively and literally, tho I assume you meant the former. I am also assuming that you may be a bit of a perfectionist if your words ring true. Your ending again, as in your last piece sum it all up brilliantly. Contemplation is well guaged here, but I wonder if you do what I do with all those thoughts....nothing. Thanks for the fun. Mick
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