This Poem was Submitted By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-12-23 10:06:44 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Goldie Locks Bearing

       The Menage a trois of  bear moans awake      to the sensuous smells of lust filled oats     but their tongues singed caressing hot bowls quake      yearnings of nature leave the houses throat     a young blond nymph with heaving breasts enters     aroused by aromas of ecstasy        oral fixation moves to her center      a taste that shudders  lips to peck sassy      desires move her to mount the bed      which answers every inch of her fatigue      betrayals  ravish as aching eyes spread      in returning fur coats filled with intrigue       waking to angry eyes longing to taste       rapture flees while the  doe eyes plead their chaste            

Copyright © December 2004 James Edward Schanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-01-11 21:50:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear James, This poem put a smile on my face. It's quite different than I remember the original tale - and you've sensously enhanced the story - to a more adult level. I never thought of Goldilocks as a nymph, but who am I to question anyone elses perception of her - I think this was absolutely delightful and a new twist on one of the all time favorites - My favorite line is "a taste that shudders lips to peck sassy", My son looks like that when he eats lemons, (yes,he really eats lemons, and loves vinegar - plain!) This piece is thought inspiring and once again you have created a pleasurable read. Sincerely, DeniMari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-06 23:17:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
WOW! Talk about a sexual beast (smile). I think I like this one James. It's sexy. I can't remember if I'd read anything in your form by you that was so daring, maybe a time ago. But I love it when you bring a sexy back grop to the stage, and with this title, I wouldn't have guessed in a million years where you would go with this poem. But it's fantastic. It's interesting; that's for sure. When I read the first line, I knew I was going to have to read this several times, not because I needed to understand it, but because I'd like it. Sexual themes and poetry seem to walk hand in hand, and once again, with your vivid imagination and lovely gift of words, you take us back to where poetry first began, to the old school poets who loved to make love. Thanks for sharing another great poem. Latorial
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-12-26 17:21:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11765
James, You nut! Cute poem of Goldielocks/heaving breast/aroused to esctacy/ mounting the bed... tongues singed caressing/yearnings/shuddering lips/sassy desires/ aching eyes spread/longing to taste rapture/doe eyes plead their chaste .... I MUST REREAD THAT FAIRY TALE! Very sensual indeed. You make me chuckle. Happy NY Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-12-25 17:45:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James: This is the first of your poems I've read that begs for a second look and for rescue more than a review although I have not read all you've penned. The sonnet is a funny idea, even the title. I try to be totally honest or I do no one any good. Your spelling, grammar, syntax, form, poetic devices are always right on the money, and while that bespeaks an accomplished poet, some of your poems are tedious and boring. Goldie and the menage-a-trois is nearly unbearable but all penned in a decorous manner, tastefully executed. The fourth line of S1 does not make total sense to me but that it was added for the rhyme and meter. I can deal with heaving breasts, aroused by ectasy (sure), and even oral fixation. But stanza 2, line four causes me to stop and say, "Lips to peck sassy.?" No, I don't think so. Stanza 3, line 1: "mount the bed"?? Line 3, of which betrayals do you speak and how do eyes spread? Your ending couplet has the clumsy phrasing which devastate the poem, IMO. A redeeming factor is the humor and even before the humor was written, the notion itself. But you ask the reader to buy into your poem and and for me, it's a stretch. In the ending couplet, The bears eye her in hunger and Goldie sees the joy depart and her eyes plead their chaste. Pardondez-moi, but this doesn't make sense. "Plead her case" would make more sense. I think you missed with this one but we all do, much of the time. If you love the poem, rewrite it. I would trash this version and write the idea in free verse. The idea in and of itself is worth salvaging. Best wishes and feel free to e-mail me, Mell Morris
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to Database Page!