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This Poem was Submitted By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2005-02-04 12:04:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Stranded at a Signless Crossroad

Bread crumbs in the labyrinth disappearing old paths desolve within the stomach walls on wings visions melt no longer searing wading through the rising past in dark halls feeling the way fingers wonder backwards signing to the skull plucked clean and puzzled since the cave in immobilized the chords of song in throats on tongues being muzzled legends of erasers trailing the lead a wolf pack at the conscious jugular whose tracks fill with the condensed breath of dread stuck in the jaws motion goes limp and blur I wish to plunge my hand in deep and grasp and feel the energizing bitting asp

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-05 15:30:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Good structure, word flow, images created with the flare of your pen poet.....interesting what one sees and feels within the lines of another's work. good rhyme as well.......thank you for posting.....God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-02-20 21:11:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James, Nothing like being stranded, lost and tortured all at the same time. A physical metaphor or personification of thinking. In some ways a maze or perhaps an attempt to follow each of the paths. Bread crumbs in the labyrinth disappearing. Bread crumbs to symbolize that which guides us through the maze of thought, life problems or just life in general. The bread crumbs as well as the paths, the old paths, old thinking, disappearing. Or perhaps the old paths marked the way out. Well they're gone now. Tough shit Jack. No, I don't think the old paths were the way out. I think that they are what brings the poem to the crossroads so to speak. Working into the third line I feel the pain of searing visions. Don't know what happened but assume it to be bad trip down old path and like the path I see the melt, the liquefaction coming to the point that I'm almost drowning in this symbolized liquefied history framed by dark halls. A dark mood, but gone, perhaps draining away and then. I really like this... "feeling the way fingers wonder backwards" I get some great mental and visual effects here. I picture a person standing under an overcast sky in a featureless world; their feet on the only dry spot, all else is a consistent one inch thick pool of darkened memories. The crossroads is a crossroads but the paths are infinite not just restricted to 4 as my mind was trying to trick me into believing. And the person tries to move forward but like fingers without the guidance of sight seems to pull back considering, not wanting to touch the ...what. Reminds me of an old Flash Gordon movie where these dudes stand around a stump forcing Flash to stick his hand into it's hollow. There would be no problem except for some nasty little biting creature. HEHE The hand warns the mind but alas the memories are gone. The mind is puzzled and even at a loss for speech. But it's worse. The wolf is at the throat of this individual. The wolf, the memories, the trauma. This is total break down. No there is no choice here. This person, personification of thought, this whatever is toast. What's interesting to me is the last 2 lines written in the first person. If this individual is in fact going in to do some introspection at this point I think it's a little late. No in the end I view this as an observation, whether of a person or thought process I don't know. My final thoughts are: This is a well crafted piece using complicated metaphor and personification to show the transition of a person or thought process over time that ultimately ends up stranded and devoid of options. I see this as an observation of another person or an internalization. I enjoyed the imaginative use of language finding the word selection to be fitting and in some ways refreshing. I do not discount this piece as being a matter of sophomoric word manipulation, rather the work of a good writer that I don't fully understand. Thank you for letting me think my way through this even if I missed your intent. I love the complexity and insanity. Goodnight James, Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandee L McMullan On Date: 2005-02-14 22:33:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
I have read this more than 4 times, trying to dicipher what the topic and meaning is of this piece; how the title fits or clues me. The title does not give me a clue as I take this image into the read, and refer back to it in my effort to reference the meaning from the body of the poem. The beginning "crumbs in the labyrinth" adds mystery and pulls me in, I want to read on. The first stanza, I feel tries to take on a metaphor for me, so I read on and try to figure. The meter moves the reader along, with intensity of hard and soft sounding words. Punctuation offers no clues to extra meaning, and perhaps its use here could give some importance to areas of focus. wonder = wander ? cave in = cave-in ? There are many word ending with "ing", leaving action at a minimum taking the reader only a little ways in feeling images. Perhaps present tense would hold the reader's attention and pull them into the read. I feel this is the weakness of this piece. I can't slip into the lines and become part of this as easy as I would like. The tone is one with a sort of violence, either an attack of one animal devouring another and the poem sets out to describe this. Not sure. I don't know; it's not laid out clearly. *ponders* a metaphor for a battle with disease. ? The ending is very strong imagery, the best part imo. again the title is left on its own. Geesh, I wish I could get this one cause I like the language used, but the meaning misses me. "plunge my hand in deep" I do not know even know where the hand goes into. sighs. Sorry I'm not understanding this one. Some good stuff within, it could be brought out to make this a gem, with some work. . . . . regards

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-02-13 16:23:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
James,' I think what your saying is when you come to a crossroad in your life and theres no signs to follow/ no bread crumbs, you are afraid. Immobilized in knowing not what to do. Not being able to think or speak. A wolf packs at your throat. You pray to be revitalized and pull up your 'save'. Pretty good James. You pictured 'terror' quite well. Sounds like you know it very well... Good word pictures. asp/wolves/dark halls/plucked skull. Good poem/good job. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-02-13 12:45:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Is this about the indecision one feels when faced with a totally foreign, alien situation or predicament when one is at a total loss; having no prior knowledge, experience or background to draw on? Or could it be about being mired in a mid-life crisis, where for no good reason, things just don't seem right? I feel like the last stanza is describing the the desire to reach down and give your pair a good squeeze for motivation, sort of a gut-check if you will. Your ability to keep producing new vocabularies that somehow seem to have a common thread is most impressive. Seems like I never read the same words in your poems. Ever try writing in a different format? Drive on... here's a few suggestions to help with syntax (semantics?) desolve-"dissolve" cave in-"cave-in" wolf pack-"wolfpack"

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