This Poem was Submitted By: Leo Wilder On Date: 2005-02-10 11:19:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Somewhere in the back of my mind I hear a melody

Silent night, Holy night, Three Dog Night, Joy to the world. The Lord came, to tiny Bethlehem, before steel was king and smog killed the sparrows. As Elders shot craps, and loaned money at usurious rates, lepers were healed, and the lame walked behind the dogwood tree.

Copyright © February 2005 Leo Wilder


This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-03-06 14:05:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Leo, This is a clever and intriguing poem ... I love the way you link each idea to a song, and each song to an actual situation, so there's an essentially seamless connection between one and the next. Thus "Night" segues to "Three Dog Night" and the band's "Joy to the World" moves into a Christmas carol, which in turn links to Bethlehem Steel and the modern blight of pollution. Is nothing sacred? No, probably not. The crap-shooting Elders suggest those in the ancient Temple, before its cleansing, and the miraculous healing of lepers and the lame is moved into the arena of folk music and the familiar "dogwood tree", where so much happens behind its branches and even the Easter Bunny likes to hang out. Cynicism seems as old as humanity. Are miracles, too, part of a larger mythos? Are they any more substantial than the Bunny with his symbolic and very pagan eggs? Or am I way off-base here? This appears to be a riddle-style poem, but it has another side, I think. Perhaps we do need to question our assumptions lest, in another context, they become totally inaccurate. My Best, Brenda


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2005-03-06 11:20:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Leo, Somewhere I Heard a Melody, ironic parady, from the goodness to reality, but always music soothing the person, I loe the comparitives, strong, forceful for the reality, warm and soothing for the gentle music, yes, I guess we automatically draw comparisions, but you went one step furthur you presented, and projected it in a way, that brings retroactive thought, and one goes back, and knows we all hear melody's, and most are comparitives. You presented some interesting music and the rhyming and rythm, the flow is great, it's an enjoyed poem to read, and now it's stuck in my brain, I doubt I'll forget this poem. I like admire, admire you wrote a parady concerning all the attributes you listed. It's a fitting poem for this time of our lives, and you did it with a great flair, drawing the reader in....Great. Good Luck, Best always....JOMo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-05 19:39:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95000
Leo, I wondered what I would say to this verse. It is a piece that is more an “emotional take” than a tangible asset. I read it, thought and read it again, and .... now here I am with little time left, and I must respond- to coin a phrase, “and you know it don’t come easy”. I decided, (odd for me) to track my feelings for each stanza “thought vise” rather than look for a resonance of yours. In this poem, the imprint is reality, but the lighting is greater than the imprint. Silent night, Holy night, Three Dog Night, Joy to the world. – what strike first is the genesis, the beginning which is a melody of God, of umbrage paid, and then the obtuse draw into Rock and Roll, both which merge with Joy towards the world. There is the consciousness of theology, but the conveyance of Rock and Roll, (which for many was almost a religious awakening). Joy comes in many flavors, but the genesis remains the same, maybe that is the point of this verse. The Lord came, to tiny Bethlehem, before steel was king and smog killed the sparrows. – Once again you begin in genesis, for whatever else the Christ child means, the story began at creation. In this verse you leave a mighty image of the impoverishment of progress, and leave no leeway for progress that is “good”. Christ, of course is the “King”, God returning to free the world, and here we find that the reigning king, that of progress, of “steel”, has little moral value when considered together with the “true” moral theme. Almost an eschatological moment. As Elders shot craps, and loaned money at usurious rates, lepers were healed, and the lame walked behind the dogwood tree. – In taking the last stanza, we return to your original thought, that of a melody that remains in the back of your mind yet you are not quite able to filter out the clutter. Elders share meaningful wisdom of chance, believing it is a surety, but the cost, the “interest” for the average person, will be difficult to bear, without a way through the clutter. Then lepers are healed, the lame walk, and the dogwood tree with its white flowers- and there is a redemption in the melody, whether the melody is perceived in its purity, and that, is the reason for the Holy Night, and the melody. This is a piece that made me work, and maybe, just maybe, I caught enough of your meaning that we speak of the same melody. Thanks so much for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-02-23 17:22:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Leo: Found this at the bottom of my list so you must've received quite a few critiques. I always go to my critiquing list, many do this also, and I think that's why the voting changes so often as poems are being seen for the 1st time during the contest. Love the title. My 1st poem posted here was about a song that keeps playing in your brain and won't stop. Your first stanza is a soft, sweet parody and I'm sitting at my desk trying to recall 3-Dog's music that fits here and it has to be "Joy to the World." (I always called the song..."Jeremiah was a bullfrog"...) Very clever! I think that may have been the song that stuck me in a groove. S 2 continues the theme of the 1st stanza and becomes the overall theme of the poem, IMO. The divine is made man, a-birthing in Bethlehem...then again, the pundit/poet plays with words to tell us that the birth in Pennsylvania of steel as king was far more important for man's wallet and the smog emission from steel production a mere irritant. The poet says "smog killed the sparrows" to show how man had left a lot of religious beliefs behind him and Hamlet says :"There's providence in the fall of a sparrow." From Shakespeare. And as I run out of steam here, my friend, we shudder as poet recounts what was occurring in the temples as the Christ had time to heal a leper or two en route to Golgotha. And they used a dogwood tree to make His crucifix. Somehow you begin slowly and softly and build to the ending...the crucifixion. Yet no reference is made to all the usual bible-speak. There is great delivery here, an impact at the end altho we know what's coming. This may be your best piece of the very few you have posted. I will make one suggestion which I think will make your layout better.... As Elders shot craps, and loaned money at usual usurious rates, lepers were healed, and the lame walked behind the dogwood tree. Your 1st two stanzas are quatrains then your 3rd stanza has five lines with the second line quite lengthy. When I make the stanzas into another quatrain and ending couplet, it not only looks better but packs a punch in the last two lines. This is an exquisite piece of writing, Leo. I'm overdue on my pain meds and must get up and take one as I'm about to crater. This was a rare joy to read. Take care, Mell Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandee L McMullan On Date: 2005-02-18 01:47:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
Title: Somewhere in the back of my mind I hear a melody The title is bridging the first stanza; this adds some impact and sets up the tune of Silent Night. This affects the reader from the onset. I like the feel here and the sense of sound highlight. The parable-like ending to this piece stays with me, powerful in using the “lame walked” as compared to money and rates. The title adds to the poem, and it was clever to start the first stanza with known musical references. Silent and Holy night reverberate, however, I think the “three dog night, joy to the world” do not add much. I suggest if I may, that it could be propped up with stating this or imaging this some how; three dogs joyous to the world. I know the group and the song. Let the reader jump to the connection. 2nd stanza is good at laying out the foundation and time reference for the parable conclusion. Also, society issues in contrast to the Bethlehem of old as linked with Silent Night. This hits the title and pulls it into play. “dogwood tree” a great image and the sonic sounds ends with strength and gives to the reader. . . . . . regards
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-02-17 19:31:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hmmm. Very interesting. The lame walked behind the dogwood tree. Didn't think any grew in Jerusalem! And shooting craps on the temple mount. Oh my! Good play on words on Bethlehem. Are you back in the Race?
This Poem was Critiqued By: Monica ONeill On Date: 2005-02-14 13:44:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Leo, Interesting mix of a slightly religious theme with modern day influences, in a more than slightly sarcastic tone. Shows a complexity of mind, and the possibility of a dual personality, or perhaps an ingenious multi tasker. I look at this as one would look at a lank of braided hair, three separate strands, wound together, yet each distintive.... A thought provoker. Moni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-02-11 03:49:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
I am sure you will find many different responses to this one poet....... Somewhere in the back of my mind I hear a melody .......with so many different opening titles of songs sent forth I believe you are there in the beginning, just prior to the arrival of the birth of our Lord.....yet among all the holy of that night three dog night is added in.........then before steel was king and smog killed the sparrows.....mixing the worlds together I feel.......good structure poet, your words bring forth images as one can easily see the lepers being healed and the lame walking and though I do not recall ever seeing a dogwood tree it is there....... If you read this out loud it too sings like a melody which tells me this is a fine job, well done. Thanks for posting, be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2005-02-10 23:11:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Leo, I love this, for some reason it struck a chord with me, somewhere in the back of my mind. I did have to smile at the rather mixed song choices but somehow you pulled it all together very cleverly and left a clear picture for readers. "Silent night, Holy night, Three Dog Night, (This is so out of place, it's hilarious) Joy to the world." "The Lord came to tiny Bethlehem before steel was king and smog killed the sparrows." (A bird's eye view of present time. Great image) The last stanza is the most revealing. Reference to the dogwood tree brings to the hearts eye our Lord carrying the cross, bearing our sins when he had none of his own. I enjoyed this very much. It makes you stop and think about those things that are important. It's a lovely poem, Leo. My best, Wanda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-02-10 17:53:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Leo, I think this to be a grab bag of different thoughts.[the past put together as your particular memories] From Christ at Christmas, 3-dog nights to steel was king in Bethlehem killing sparrows with the smog. Elders shot craps loaning money at usurious rates, lepers were healed and the lame walked behind the dogwood tree. 'and the beat goes on' There's more music coming........I'm not sure if we'll hear it as a tune to whistle to. I'd sing a much different tune as to where I've been. Interesting poem, Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-02-10 14:04:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Leo--Welcome revenant! This type of post is never out of season:pious, humorous, naturesque, unique, and a mini-biblical-history-life lesson. Also, a terse, brief, concise and quick read. Thanks for this. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-02-10 11:44:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Yep yep, yep - and good to see you back, Leo, to ponder a univerality of experience with usin such a clever and image-rich technique. I adore the sauntering cadence of this piece and the way you grab us by the collar and take us down new paths with each stanza. Neat poem Silent night, Holy night, Three Dog Night, Joy to the world. You sing it LEO! The Lord came, to tiny Bethlehem, before steel was king and smog killed the sparrows. The specificity of the bird and the contrast with the begining lines is perfect as well as the irony of "steel" as the new crowned king. As Elders shot craps, and loaned money at usurious rates, lepers were healed, and the lame walked behind the dogwood tree. good contrast and paradox - lots to think about here Best Rach
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