This Poem was Submitted By: Gene Dixon On Date: 2005-02-19 11:47:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Politics and Prayers The body politic comes to the fore
And calmly flaunts a great hypocrisy.
Then leaving charity behind the door,
Insists that for each kiss there is a fee.
Senselessly they seek a way to prove
That deep in rivers clogged by man's pollution,
Dreams might live while changing tides remove
Castles built on shameless elocution.
But yet, the Master's universal plan
Allows few shadows, fewer shades of gray.
So if your life is longer than the span
Of sun to moon you'll have the time to pray.
Thus men might rail against the current trend
Of politics and prayers that have no end. |
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Copyright © February 2005 Gene Dixon
Additional Notes:
There is a weird "sameness" about this sonnet and Mark S.'s "Some men with answers
make their cannons roar." The reader might note that there are several
similarities to the poems. Similar rhyme sounds in the first quatrain and
almost unbelievable use of "...ution" rhymes in the sames lines in the
second quatrain of both. Also, the fourth line in both sonnets speaks of
a "fee" that must be paid.
I was preparing to post this poem when I saw Mark's and I had to contact him
and show him my sonnet before I went public with it. Seems they were written
almost simultaneously with neither of us seeing the other's work beforehand.
Very weird, very strange - my just be something to this ESP stuff!
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-03-05 14:49:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62162
Might be. Thoughts and ideas are put into the universe and who knows where they go. There is many
instances of inventions, i.e.: the lightbulb, the aeroplane, the telephone, that have almost
been similarly duplicated in another country at the same time! Jung and Freud have both written
about this phenomena.
Thus men might rail against the current trend
Of politics and prayers that have no end.
"Thus men might rail against the current trend
of [against] politics and prayers that have no end." What do you think?
I don't think the Master's plan allows any shadows. It's the free choice thing that does.
Thanks so much for listening. I know I don't do as good a job as you, but hey, at least I try!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-04 20:15:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94444
Gene, this is the opportunity for me to read to Sonnets, and also, since there is the “sameness” give a certain- “conversion” to my critique. It often happens on TPL when it is a common subject, but seldom on a more complex level, so…… away we go!!
Politics and Prayers – Immediately it polarizes, but leaves the side for which one will fall to the body of the verse. Sort of a scintillating, yet innocuously exculpatory title.
The body politic comes to the fore
And calmly flaunts a great hypocrisy. – Here we see a stand being taken, and it is that the “politic” contradicts itself in some behavior, yet to be determined. Once again the reader must decide, take a stand, pro or con, and now that you place the “politic” into the mix, there is the a heightened sense of expectancy.
Then leaving charity behind the door,
Insists that for each kiss there is a fee. (Suggestions, for meter – something like: They insist for each kiss, a prepaid (or “brokered”) fee. – This adds a subject to your two lines, and repairs the meter.) These two lines make one wonder what the actual product is that they claim is free, yet actually comes with a price tag.
Senselessly they seek a way to prove
That deep in rivers clogged by man's pollution,
Dreams might live while changing tides remove
Castles built on shameless elocution. – This item is crystal clear, of the wasted words, the demagoguery, the word worship rather than action that is meaningful. Elocution spoken for the sake of itself.
But yet, the Master's universal plan
Allows few shadows, fewer shades of gray. – I wonder of the Ten Commandment “controversy”, of the ACLU disdaining the very foundations of our country, and with no “shades of gray”, of the “master’s” design, or just the rationale of what the “truth” of the momentous decisions.
So if your life is longer than the span
Of sun to moon you'll have the time to pray.
Thus men might rail against the current trend
Of politics and prayers that have no end. – I was inspired by the new vision of the country, not who they voted for, but that the vision resolves that it is greater than that moment, but not greater than the smallest belief.
An inspiring piece Gene, inspiring.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-03-03 15:33:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Gene:
Yes, there might be something to it. The Irish in me is never surprised by ESP
or similar synchronicities. And I've experienced this myself -- almost simultaneous
submission of a poem with similar theme or specific bird. Ah, but to the poem:
"calmly flaunts a great hypocrisy" -- so calmly it seems the lies are believed by the liars
"Senselessly they seek a way to prove
That deep in rivers clogged by man's pollution,
Dreams might live while changing tides remove
Castles built on shameless elocution."
The air we breathe and the water we drink, and the earth which becomes less
and less inhabitable by the minute are all at stake in the "politics" of the
day. The poem is a prayer and also points the reader back to the One:
"But yet, the Master's universal plan
Allows few shadows, fewer shades of gray."
Gene, there's nothing I can add to what you've said, and I can't deconstruct
a diamond such as this.
So if your life is longer than the span
Of sun to moon you'll have the time to pray.
Thus men might rail against the current trend
Of politics and prayers that have no end.
Gene -- seems that the lines above hit most of my 'hot' buttons (politically speaking)
and do so with grace and flawless poetics. Your a man of graceful, powerful words and
the ability to set them forth as you have here. You've given us the key -- prayer.
That, and the ability to observe the hypocrisy and speak up as you have done so
eloquently here. It is so very good to have you back at last. I've missed you.
Bravo!
My best always,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-02 05:38:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Do politicians actually pray poet? Strange thought with all the horrible things going on within politics.......good structure, word flow, rhyme, provoking thoughts, brings out the images as one reads on.....the Master's universal plan....do we know what it actually is? I for one pray it is for world wide peace that will happen someday but with politics the way it is hard to tell..........good job would make no changes it stands as it is.....God Bless and thank you for posting, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-02-22 09:28:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Well, great minds think alike so why not you and Mark S.? Actually I have had that happen on more than one occasion – the moon shifts and everyone uses the phrase “felicitous doves” in a sentence right after I write a poem called “Felicitous Doves and Martin Buber” – or something.
Anyway back to the marvelous sonnet
Politics and Prayers
The body politic comes to the fore
And calmly flaunts a great hypocrisy.
Great opening
Then leaving charity behind the door,
Insists that for each kiss there is a fee.
ah, yes, the American Way
Senselessly they seek a way to prove
That deep in rivers clogged by man's pollution,
Dreams might live[,] while changing tides remove
Castles built on shameless elocution.
what an image rich and carefully metered strophe
But yet, the Master's universal plan
Allows few shadows, fewer shades of gray. [great phrasing]
So if your life is longer than the span
Of sun to moon you'll have the time to pray.
I love the cadence of this but it seems to me that someone living literally from
sun to moon is a wee babe with little ability to pray and even less need to.
Thus men might rail against the current trend
Of politics and prayers that have no end.
[Indeed they might – and women too arise
Against the zeitgeist and its pack of lies]
Another great polital poem - and they say it can't be done! Thaks Gene
yours in peace and freedom
Rach
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2005-02-20 11:18:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Gene,
Nice movement to the way this poem reads, terrific projection, it encapsulates the current trend; collateriel
damage in many way, flaunting power to achieve ones means to an end, but where are we in this mess, left to praye to our Maker, to righten this ship, being steered erratically, with conscience disreard for the whole, splintered, used, thrown away, yet searching for that almight buck or power. This is what we are being forced to live with, politics or belef, I rue the day, may forethought of actions take sway, may this ship out of control with misused power come back on course, maybe not in my lifetime, but eventually.
It's a strong projection using poetry, but then havn't many poems such as this managed to carry the flavor of what, why, when, where, and what's the ultimate goal, not taking the best interest of the whole, for isn't that what's happened here, misuse of power while parading under the guise of belief, when does the balance return, if ever.
Poltics seems nasty, when one speaks out of both sides of the mouth, is that in the best interest of the whole, or just a selective few? Time will tell, but the dirt will follow us, all because of misuse and an unbalanced belief.
Jo Mo (right or wrong Gene we've slid into a morass of power at any price. Is it best those that have rule over the less fortunate, creating this disturbing imbalance all the way around. What hipcrosy in a way pray to God, turn around and create mayhem. Certain irony.)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-02-20 07:17:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Gene,
Upon fourth reading the "eeriness" is just enhanced: "if your life is longer than a span." Third quatrain, too. It's as if God were telling us something. Very, very strange. This could be a case study in how two human minds can come up with something very similar without any plagiary being involved. Makes me think sometimes we're too quick to level the plagiary charge. Certain model cars share the same quirks, and two human brains can make similar metaphorical methaphorical leaps, can have very similar thoughts. But the pattern, I think, and the timing, shows something more . . . purposeful afoot. Gee, this is a case study that can lead to some very elabortate theological reflection, too.
BFB,
Alright, enough with the serious blather. This pod ain't big enough for that moron, MSS, I swear. He just goes on and on . . . and he's so gullible!
You're a snake with the morality of a snake. I'm sure Rachel and some of our plagiarism hunters will not tolerate this masquerade. You shoulda stayed in hiding! Say your prayers and give you know who - your better half (btw, that expression comes from Sir Philip Sydney - who was a bachelor, and didn't know what the hell he was talkin' about (in most cases other than yours)) - a long kiss 'cause you're gonna be hangin' from a rope in less than a fortnight - Pacific time.
FP
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-02-19 18:30:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Gene, Your second was still on my list...surely you know
after all these years, the top-of-the-list poems are worth 4 pts
regardless of quality of crit, and the poems continue downward on
the list as they have received more crits.
I used to never pay any attention and I always have requests to
"take a look" but at the end of the month when we vote for best
poem, I may have critted 25 poems but unless they were all toppers,
I don't have 100 pts to put on my top piece...it's usually 18 max.
Enough again.
I cannot conceive of anyone thinking you or Mark would plagarize
but thank you for the note lest a newbie misunderstand. Neither of
you need to plagiarize!! Sometimes JoUp and I will post similar
poems or their topics/themes, I should say.
I find your sonnet to have perfect technicality, sad, an accurate,
look at our planet/problems. The problem is not with words spoken,
it lies in lack of execution of many plans.
"Deep in rivers clogged by man's pollution, dreams might live while changing
tides remove castles built on shameless elocution.". Perhaps it bespeaks my
guilty conscience but if the Master's plan allows few shadows, fewer
shades of gray, I'm not sure I have sufficient tiume to get all my orisons
completed.
A quite well-written poem, Gene, stimulating and evocative and I will looking
and rereading this sonnet for a long time. Bravo!
Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-02-19 18:29:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Hi Gene,
Have you ever heard of the 100 th monkey? Quote; - The Hundredth Monkey phenomenon is commonly cited as empirical proof of this astonishing theory. In the 1950's, so the story goes, Japanese scientists gave monkeys on Koshima Island potatoes. One day one of the monkeys learned to wash potatoes and the taught the skill to others. When about one hundred monkeys had learned the skill-the so-called critical mass-suddenly all the monkeys knew it, even those on other islands hundreds of miles away. Books about the phenomenon have spread this theory widely in New Age circles. Could be your esp
I like rhyming. And you do yours very well. I’m impressed with the easy readability and easy to understand idea.
Subject: Political injustice and a man with values
Title: [does it add to the piece?] I think pretty good/could b more exotic?
Form/content [should compliment each other] I personally would like 4line stanzas, to me it’s easier to read.
Rhyme; full rhyming not intrusive, internal rhyme-hypocrisy-charity
alliteration-senselessly-seek
Meter; no unnatural stress on any word. But I think this line too long… Allows few shadows, fewer shades of gray.
maybe; Allows few shadows and shades of gray. [dump fewer?]
What is the author's meaning? Man’s unhappy with politics
What is the author's premise or message? Prayers a personal honor is the recourse
What strong points does the author use to support the main point? Water Pollution/castles built with shame/payment asked for each good deed
Do I understand or think it’s unclear? Clear
Good job, if only it could all change to rightness.
Dellena
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