This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-02-21 11:52:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Silver Storm The burnished birch and alder lie
As layered trees of tempered glass
Agleam against blush winter's sky
Bent low by crystal circumstance
It's brittle homage, poesy pays
Still, stunningly the woodland stands
In pretzeled stems of crackled glaze
As silver overtakes the land |
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Copyright © February 2005 Nancy Ann Hemsworth
Additional Notes:
pretzeled...I added the "ed", so I could use this word as a descriptive (with poetic licience)
(0: I know it is not a reconized word.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-03 14:06:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
First off Nancy, I recognized the word, and the analogy to the bends and twists of a pretzel. Of course, my mental acuity is twisted, so there is a symbolism, inborn, of wood and would bees.
Silver Storm
The burnished birch and alder lie – Well stated modifiers. You immediately place us with the reaction of season and observers.
As layered trees of tempered glass – I am a collector of “finished glass” do dads, and your description is adroit, at least in my image, and adds that “mysterious” feel to the analogy.
Agleam against blush winter's sky
Bent low by crystal circumstance – Very descriptive, the crystal against the blue. Using “winter’s” takes the blue into a crystal category, in a sense, because of its rationale.
It's brittle homage, poesy pays – I really like this, “brittle” as breakable, and the homage of the poet. How inspirational is the moment that drives pen to poetry.
Still, stunningly the woodland stands
In pretzeled stems of crackled glaze
As silver overtakes the land – In a breath, we see the tortured, blessed arborage, the glaze of crystal, and the “silver storm” that transforms (depending on a point of view) the world to wonder of blight.
Nancy, enjoyed the read immensely. Looking forward to your next.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2005-03-02 13:56:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Nancy,
I like your use of the word 'pretzeled'...powerful imagery used in this poem! Nice aliteration and imagery...I feel as if I have just witnessed the woodlands overtaken by the silvered snow, a crystal circumstance! Great! I wouldn't change a thing! Thanks for the wonderful read!
Beck
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-02-23 15:52:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91304
Hi Nancy,
I love this poem! Since I have a habit of writing so much about nature it is really up my alley.
The rhyming is just lovely, especially when read aloud. It just rolls off the lips with ease and the
cadence is perfect....'as layered trees of tempered glass'...is really beautiful..'agleam against blush
winter's sky'....as I read this I am thinking 'blush of winter sky' would work very well here. Just a
thought for you to use or lose as it reads well as is....'still, stunningly the woodland stands as silver
overtakes the land'..this to me is the most poignant line and if I had to pick one I think it would be
my favorite. Stunningly the woodland stands....is poetically perfect and I wonder why I didn't think of it!
'In pretzeled stems of crackled glaze as silver oevertakes the land'..is also a wonderful phrase. I take
poetic licience all the time and I find 'pretzeled' an amazing word as you have used it here...clever
and unusual descriptor and full of imagery. Very well done...this one will be on my list for this month!
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-02-21 22:32:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79310
What a beautiful sight you have created Poet.......the results of an ice storm.....though the title Silvr Storm is so befitting to this piece......good structure, word flow, images created with the flair of your pen.......my biggest fear with these storms is the loss of power for those maple trees stately and tall reach over the wires and as the ice forms the arms bend causing havoc around us......the word pretzeled with your added ed works fine for this reader and adds to the scene projected......and when the morning sun shines bright against it all those dark glasses are needed to take in all the beauty of God's creation. Thanks for posting, sharing, hope if you had one of these storms recently that you are safe, warm and secure.
God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-02-21 17:41:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65000
Nancy hi,
Your poem reads ‘well’ aloud. I liked the visual-ness. Trees agleam, layered crystal. Very nice sonnet. I like sonnets! They are fun. The one question I have is 3rd line first stanza. Is your sky ‘red hued’ [blushed] or winter blushed? I think winter. So maybe: Agleam against winter’s blushed sky
and In pretzeled stems of crackled glaze--contorted-twisted-gnarled?
Subject: winter’s weather
Title: [does it add to the piece?]Silver Storm does add to the piece/tells what it’s about.
Form/content [should compliment each other] does
Rhyme; half-rhyme is fun not intrusive,
assonance-glass circumstance, pays-glaze
alliteration-burnished birch, alder lie layered agleam low, alder as agleam, poesy pays, still stunningly stands stems silver, brittle still stunningly
Meter; perfect
What is the author's meaning? Nature succumbs to winter
What is the author's premise or message? Winter’s ice storm is beautiful
What strong points does the author use to support the main point? Trees glass crystal/stunning woodlands
Do I understand or think it’s unclear? Clear as glass
What are the author's underlying assumptions? beauty of nature
Enjoyable,
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-02-21 16:26:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Dear Nancy Ann,
This is such a pretty poem, made so by your choice of descriptives to bring a clear image to the reader.
I love the line "in pretzeled stems of crakled glaze", intriquing line to describe the scenes of Winter.
I was wishing there was more of this - both verses are imaginative and truly pay "homage" to Winter (one of my favorite times of the year. (We just had a small snowstorm here last night!)
I enjoyed this poem tremendously - and hope to see more of your work here at TPL.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-02-21 15:23:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy,
It has been eons since our paths crossed...I remember a sonnet
about whether or not to include Macy's. Do you recall same?
What have you been up to...editor of a slick poetic journal?
It is so rare these days to see a rhymed, metered, lyric poem.
Kudos for same. As for "pretzeled"...no notes needed. These
days there are more neologisms than ever before.
Just a personal thing but there is something about tetrameter
that makes a piece glow and pulsate with natural beauty.
One small nit and the first I have pointed out so often, I think
members are planning to hang me from a high oak tree: it is brittle
homage? or its brittle homage? I read it in the 2nd version which
means NO comma. Sorry, Nancy, I can't stop this.
Each line is reason to rejoice!
rejoice for burnished birch and lying alder, layered trees of tempered glass
agleam against blush winter's sky bent low by crystal circumstances.
Its brittle homage, poesy pays Still, stunningly the woodland stands
In pretzled stems of crackled glaze of As silver overtakes the land."
I heave a wonderful sigh at the close of of a definite winner. I find
you have not lost a whit of your brillance but shine as never before!
Brava!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandee L McMullan On Date: 2005-02-21 14:20:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95652
Title: Silver Storm
Title flashes an image and a ponder; invites me in with the alliteration as well. Title suitable and works here.
Opening line: gives a scene, the alder a good choice as it is a tree related to the birch. This tells me the narrator knows the subject matter.
Sight devices used delight the reader’s eye. And I feel the cold as I relate to the icy images.
> layered tree…winter’s sky
> pretzeled stems
> glaze
The reader is able to make the jump to ice conditions of silver crackle which is of course an ice storm; leaving the reader to take part for their own illusions.
Also the similes work to highlight the references with instant recognition, eg: trees as glass.
Sound devices: alliteration and words with “l”: lie, layered, blush, low. And words with “s” still, stunning, stems, silver. All give rise to being content with the sounds. Also words “crackled glaze” delivers sound.
“agleam” = a gleam ? (it may work best this way)
Unusual rhymes give a refreshed reading, good choices: glass/circumstance, pays/glaze
I esp like “Bent low by crystal circumstance” this is voluminous in meaning and describes the helplessness according to the situation. This accentuates the sense of the storm.
poesy = posy ? (or is the my Cdn sp ? )
The sentence structure is good for meter / rhyme, however, punctuation with capitals at the beginning of each line confuse the reader, resulting in guessing where sentences end even as an enjambment (line break) or end stop suggests, the capital still forces a guess.
This capitalizing is not a modern day technique, it was in years agone. If I may suggest: use caps only at the beginning of sentences. Punctuation is your friend and can highlight areas of the poem to give drama for the reader as well.
I sense the narrator’s voice deliberate and strong in deliverance of details, wanting the emphasis on variety of hard and soft sounding words. I like the variety as it bounces the reader along.
The ending/closure on this piece is comfortable and wholly consumes the engagement of the storm, giving the vast picture of silver overtaking. glorious wonderful) There’s nothing more to say of importance. good one. And it springs back full circle to the title.
The magic of 8 lines presents a joy for the reader, and an immediate focus on the “silver storm”. I would come back to this poem and read it many times because of the content and the brevity of lines and impact it has on the mind set.
. . .
regards
PS: Sorry, I do not read footnotes before I read and critique the poem, in all fairness to the poem itself. Any footnotes are extras and separate from the poem standing on its own. I choose to not allow footnotes to influence the initial engagement I make with the poem.
Oh – pretzeled, I wonder it if it has a double “l” like in the word > chiselled. I suppose it could be either way, British or American spelling. This is a good word with instant imagery. What the heck take a chance, use your license. *grins*
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