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This Poem was Submitted By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2005-03-01 10:13:14 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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BUGS AND GIVERS

Bug-chasers and gift-givers our world is upside-wrong Where sick is well don’t ask don’t tell False freedoms won’t last long But to live in unknown shadow a wearing fear with every test Eroding all perception no conscience can contest There is a way for flying now but payment will come later Gargoyles and diseases wait as the cost is growing greater A blissful ostrich in the sand not knowing what’s ahead Does not seeing the killer’s face make you a little less dead? Gift-givers and bug-chasers not knowing is what we fear So party now they’ll show you how Conversion makes life clear Forget our friends and family or loved ones left behind A selfish self-absorption creates an unclear mind Conversion is not freedom though cloaked in honesty Throw science out the window why fear what you can’t see The party’s the important thing loose lusts consuming on We like to call the firemen once our house is gone Bug-chasers seek conversion gift-givers light their path Meet the guys and feast your eyes No need to do the math Riding bare back feels so good releasing all that worry Flooded floors of toxic sperm death’s in a morbid hurry I will not judge or hold a grudge I’m a straight and married man No way am I superior compassion understands Everyone’s desirous of life and ecstasy Freedom is the sole reward for responsibility For the givers and the chasers may they live and pass in peace Finding gain within the pain While conquering the beast....

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-03-31 15:29:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45455
Hi Mark, I like it. I like the thought and I love the rhyme. This sails along famously as you read it. The only fault I find is; It's so full of wonderful worded ideas, I don't know where to start! You say so much! I can't say the title tickles me..although it draws your attention. our world is upside-wrong [I think upside-wrong is clever] Where sick is well/so true Eroding all perception no conscience can contest There is a way for flying now but payment will come later [like the credit card-payment is due eventually] Gargoyles and diseases wait'[love gargoyles/as scary/evil] as the cost is growing greater[with interest too] A blissful ostrich in the sand [is]not knowing [of]what’s ahead [I think I'd add is to make a complete sentence.] Does not seeing the killer’s face make you a little less dead? [good visualization/the fact is so, we rarely see or know the actual kiler] not knowing what's before us is frightful so we party today! and don't think of tomorrow. Conversion is not freedom though cloaked in honesty [it's just another belief/but betternss feels 'better'/freedom is free of ounds which is certainly not conversion] Bug-chasers seek conversion/gift-givers light their path Meet the guys and feast your eyes/No need to do the math[1+1=2] Everyone’s desirous of life and ecstasy Freedom is the sole reward for responsibility............[Being responsable for our actions is where it's at!] We can lie to ourselves/slough it off on everyone else/play ignorant/ignore it/but truth is truth and being responsable for our every action is being a 'godly' and finally groing up!. Mark, You've said all the things I've ever wanted to say. Now this is what educating is about. You say exactly what is needed. Exactly what IS and should be ...amen thumbs up! Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-03-24 16:40:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark: What a delight! You've hit a homer this time! What makes the piece so appealing for me is the CLEVER use of words, playing with them, as it were. It feels like you were having a good time here. Your rhyme and meter are spot on and charming, like tapping my toes to a tune played by a fiddle. I have no idea what "bugs" chased or "givers" of gifts means in this context. When you say bug-chaser to me, I picture a leipodopterist (sp) with a giant net, running after butterflies. Someone always giving gifts makes me think of an insecure person who has to "buy" her friends. Or is this some vernacular applicable to an endeavor? (with which I'm unfamiliar). Or to a profession? "Just hand me that I-bar chaser and I'll get the bugs out." The 1st stanza grabbed me and I raced to the end. "Upside-wrong" is delectable, almost like Dr. Seuss. Stanza 2 is painful and I'm musing that this may refer to your own pain/suffering, my friend. I think I'm the ostrich type or want to be, but won't allow myself. Does that make any sense? The last two lines are great. Your use of the word "conversion" has confused me...you are on a roll! Any poem which makes me think is 100% If the purpose of poetry is to teach someone something new or feel in a certain way, then you have more than succeeded in this piece. You make brilliant points about being good solely for the sake of being good. It's so much more fun to do it if it feels good. How often has that happened,HAH! A cogent, dissatisfied look at the dire state we allowed ourselves to get involved. I think poems like this should be mandatory reading for particular groups of people. Quite provoking, evocative, and one to be read and reread for many years. Congratulations! Best wishes, Morris jrp

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-10 08:42:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very powerful piece poet....well structured, word flow filled with so many images, a clear look into the world around us and the people involved within its state of control........ It has a good rhythm to it as well and perhaps it should be placed to music for it is one of those pieces that you can read over and over again and obtain more each time......so perhaps in song form it would do the same.......I am sure others will see and feel the emotions packed within each line and hopefully open eyes and hearts that are closed to many around them........good title as well....Bugs and Givers.......thanks for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-03-09 09:05:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Wow..this is such a power packed piece of writing, and a great and insightful summary of the state of our society today..everything has a price, freedom, health, happiness (which never seems to be obtained) and even death has its taxes. You have written this piece with in a meter that when read is like a haunting skipping song..morbid and constant we sing along, your message chanting away of death and dismay. There is so much in this piece that I feel are outstanding..I will pick a few out to you if you don't mind.."A blissful ostrich in the sand not knowing what’s ahead Does not seeing the killer’s face make you a little less dead?" and also this passage stuck out for me "Riding bare back feels so good releasing all that worry Flooded floors of toxic sperm death’s in a morbid hurry" both very powerful images! and also in closing I felt your repeating first stanza at the conclusion of your piece very effective indeed to start and also finish this taunting song, for that is exactly how I see this. Thanks for sharing your insite, and bringing some of todays world fears and facts to the surface "There is a way for flying now but payment will come later Gargoyles and diseases wait as the cost is growing greater"

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2005-03-07 01:59:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark, what a layout, party now, pay the premium later. Yes choices, but we turn a blind eye to much, don't react positively when it'salled for. The turmil that effects us all, I'd rather be the gift Giver, you know why it's the easier route, and I know you have to pay the piper for everything that happens, and the choices we make. A deep pom, written with a certainty, to write it indicates to me you're a gift give, because that's the belief in all the savior has created. You didn't miss anything, but partying constantly only puts off the eventual, it's all choices. Best, heck of a submission....Jo Mo

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-03-03 19:11:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Okay. I think I got it. Had to read it three times though (slow aren't I?)> The line about riding bareback made me realize what this piece is all about. Haven't heard that term since university daze (yeah, I spelled it right). Good tongue in cheek stuff here Mark. And yes we're left to clean up that toxic mess. Unfortunately I don't think that'll ever come to pass *save a good war if there is such a thing. Up here our forests are inundated by the Japanese...the Japanese Pine beetle that is. Eacting and denouding our forests that we can't conquer *the bug that is. So probably the only way out is for the forest fires to take over... but that is too drastic. Just like the war getting rid of the AIDS persons. It'll never happen.

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