This Poem was Submitted By: Sean Donaghy On Date: 2005-03-12 11:40:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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On the Banks of Sweet Marie On the quiet banks of Sweet Marie,
when the mist drapes 'round the reeds,
when the dawn has barely touched the lea
and the shades of night recede,
we'll leave our footprints in the moss
on the banks of Sweet Marie.
On the velvet banks of Sweet Marie,
where the purple violet grows,
where the magic of the morning dew
bejewels the budding rose,
we'll watch the waters wash the stones
on the banks of Sweet Marie.
On the misty banks of Sweet Marie,
where sunsets never end,
where the moon and stars wait patiently
for daylight to descend;
Gathers there a lover's dreams
on the banks of Sweet Marie.
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Copyright © March 2005 Sean Donaghy
Additional Notes:
Sweet Marie is the name of a brook that runs down the Caha mountains, past the town of
Adrigole, into Bantry Bay in Southeastern Ireland.
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-04-04 19:24:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37143
What a wonderful descriptive style. I was trying in my head to think of some music to go along
with this. Have you any such tune in mind, cause if you don't I think I would try to set it to
music. A lilting Irish tune for sure with pipes. I want to visit that part of Ireland one day.
My wife owns property there. I loved the line, "when the mist wraps round the reeds." That is
exquisite.
P.S.: In Canada we have a chocolate bar called just that, "Sweet Marie." I wonder if there is
a connection. Thanks for posting. This was enjoyable.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-26 13:35:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68750
Sean, I saw this piece on my list for a while, finally I am here. I have a fondness for Ireland that belies my Italian heritage, or maybe because of it. Your verse did not let me down, for it is more a Joyce, bardic verse than a Yeats, transferal. I do appreciate the both.
On the Banks of Sweet Marie – Excellent title, takes us immediately there!!
On the quiet banks of Sweet Marie,
when the mist drapes 'round the reeds,
when the dawn has barely touched the lea
and the shades of night recede,
we'll leave our footprints in the moss
on the banks of Sweet Marie. – Sean, you immediately take us to the place of dreams, there on the Sweet Marie! The “reeds” with mist, “dawn” on the lea, “shades” of night (great inverted analogy, of all lines, that will stay with me), and our “OUR” footprints in the moss. Should I travel again, I shall have to visit the Sweet Marie!
On the velvet banks of Sweet Marie,
where the purple violet grows,
where the magic of the morning dew
bejewels the budding rose,
we'll watch the waters wash the stones
on the banks of Sweet Marie. – Such perfect meter and rhymes, they add to the overall sentience of the brook itself. It is “morning” and the glistening is magical, the “violet” grows, but moreover, in this verse you splash an initial “black and white” canvass with its first color!! “budding” rose, soon to open to the sun, while we listen and watch the “waters” wash, like the day does the night, and beauty does the soul. Excellent Stanza.
On the misty banks of Sweet Marie,
where sunsets never end,
where the moon and stars wait patiently
for daylight to descend;
Gathers there a lover's dreams
on the banks of Sweet Marie. – With a panoramic image, we wish the verse was longer, where the “sunset never ends”, “moon and stars wait patiently”, and our “lover’s” dreams are steeped on the “banks of Sweet Marie”.
Sean, this is as delightful a romp through the dreams of Ireland as I have ever been. It is quite an impeccable verse. The voting this month will be difficult, but the prominence of this verse will not be. Thanks for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-14 09:24:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.92857
Love the beauty created within the lines of this lyrical poem my friend, it sweetly sings to you as you read it out loud, not only for yourself for others as well.......
Sweet Marie is such a pretty name for a brook that runs down the Caha mountains, and it just brings forth such beauty knowing it is located in Southeastern Ireland.....something very special about that land.....
Would love to travel there someday and visit places where great great grandparents came from on father's side for my own children.......
quiet, velvet and misty banks.......great way to describe each stanza .........
"where the purple violet grows, where the magic of the morning dew bejewels the budding rose," how beautiful.......thank you for posting and sharing this piece at this most welcome time of the year.....
"Happy St. Patrick's Day" to you as well.....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: hello haveaniceday On Date: 2005-03-14 07:59:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Sean this is a soft and lovely poem... so "sweet" to read and yet I wanted to hear more... only three verses? Surely there is a story behind the importance of this brook to you. Did you leave and come back? Did you love and loose and find solace? Who was Sweet Marie I wonder? It reads like a poem by Robert Service who wrote about Alaska and the great untamed Western US. His poems where epic stories to pass around and read aloud by candlelight and cabin fire. Thanks for kindling a memory. Barbara
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-03-13 18:54:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Sean,
Oh how I love this poem! I have read it several times...not to understand it but to feel it as it
slids off my lips with ease when read aloud. The occasional rhyming gives it a delicious sound that is
infectious. It makes me long to see such a place as Sweet Marie..but then I have never been to Ireland
which is a very sad thing as I understand that it is beautiful...so I will go there in your words.
...'when the mist drapes 'round the reeds'...lovely image...'when the dawn has barely touched the lea
and the shades of night recede'...I write a lot about the beauty in nature and this line is just beautiful,
I am very fond of the word 'lea'...'where the purple violet grows, where the magic of the budding dew
bejewles the budding rose'...'bejewels' is another favorite word of mine...reminds me of R.L. Stevenson.
...'where sunsets never end, where (the) moon and stars wait patiently for daylight to descend; Gathers
there a lovers dream on the banks of Sweet Marie.' This poem is easy to read and easy to feel...the
cadence is wonderful. I will remember this one for along time! By the way do you live in Ireland?
Thanks for posting this supberb piece of writing...I enjoyed every word...several times!
Peace....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2005-03-12 19:34:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a lyric to delight the hearts of any who would visit the land that enchants our imaginations and our minds. You have achieved a rhythm and a mood that takes me to the spot and at once takes me back to the days of my girlhood when I sang the folksongs of those faraway places. I can hear an Irish tenor with haunting pipes, singing to and for his love. But this is a love of the country as well as soul and your descriptive phrasing is exquisite.
The use of time passage from night into day and on in the ageless cycle... there is promise here too in your consistent return to the banks of Sweet Marie to conclude each stanza.
This finds a place among the timeless ballads that will be passed down through the years. Are you a musician Sean? I can hear it sung to the tune of Sally Gardens(if you repeat the last two lines of each stanza) but perhaps you have your own melody hidden in your heart.
As a poem it is as the fluid of your brook… flowing without interruption of word or thought. I particularly like the phrase ‘where the moon and stars wait patiently’
The personification of the elements is rendered beautifully here.
Sing away….
Lynda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-03-12 18:15:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Sean,
This reads like a song....
Should be a song.....
It's quite lovely indeed.
syllable count off a bit.....I revised this as an example.
On the velvet banks of Sweet Marie,[9]
where the purple violet grows,[7]
where the magic of the morning dew[9]
bejewels the bud [of the]rose,[7]
we'll watch the waters washing stones[9]
on the banks of Sweet Marie.[7]
Reeds/recede are great assonances.
Assonance occurs when the vowel sound within a word matches the same sound in a nearby word, but the surrounding consonant sounds are different. "Tune" and "June" are rhymes; "tune" and "food" are assonant. The function of assonance is frequently the same as end rhyme or alliteration: All serve to give a sense of continuity or fluidity to the verse.
I think you have a delightful poem/song here. I think by starting and ending each stanza
with Sweet Marie that lent it to the feeling of a love song.
Good job, I'm going to humm this all day.
Have a nice day
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-03-12 13:19:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
This is such a beautifully lyrical poem,(an Irish ditty) it sings so sweetly where read outloud, and that is a habit of mine! (0: I think that the repeated refrain especially adds to the effect. I love the effect of your first 4 lines in the first stanza, all rhyming so soft and smooth. Such beautiful descriptive passages as well, one can see exactly what you write about. "where the purple violet grows,
where the magic of the morning dew
bejewels the budding rose," I love the feel of movement and human characteristics you have put in your piece.."where the moon and stars wait patiently" is only one example.
enjoyed this very much indeed! thanks for sharing this tranquil and a great piece for this time of the year as well "Happy St. Patrick's Day".
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