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This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2005-03-14 09:21:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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My Old Friend

"You're a FRAUD!" It's the booming black voice Christ, I thought he was long gone Just a dreadful memory But he's BACK He's been lurking waiting for a trigger for just the right moment An evil specter unleashed I'm smothered by a debilitating wave of misery "YOU CAN'T FOOL ME!" God, it's unbearable! Too much Too LOUD I'm sucked down enveloped I can do nothing save curl in a ball Grabbing my head Clutching my stomach Gasping Panting "YOU'RE NOTHING!" God, he's right

Additional Notes:
Depression sucks, it just totally saps my energy. Thank God it passes. This also contains the infamous "curl" word that drove Chris and me crazy! Imagine, in all the years of the site, no one had written "curl" in a poem. Arnie, I fully expect you to start a search now!

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-04-01 19:02:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34375
Well I would go into a depressive state were I to research that word! And I know all about depression having had to treat many, many pts. with that disease. It is a cruel affliction and fortunately there is a good recovery rate for most types. Up to 90% now. Bi-polar or Manic Depression is harder to treat. Do you know that many poets suffer from the latter? I wonder why. Probably because they didn't curl? Oh bad joke I know but I couldn't help it. Well done. I'm not sure about the line "you're nothing." I'm hoping that wasn't referring to yourself in a negative way.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-03-14 17:17:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45000
What a powerful descriptive poem about depression, a companion that no ones invites willingly but comes to call at our most vunerable hour. I love the way you added voice to disease with your three separation lines between your stanzas , and that you have capitalized them, so they shout LOUDly..where you take on the feelings and show the reader how it makes you feel in response to the cutting lines "You're a FRAUD!","YOU CAN'T FOOL ME!", and "YOU'RE NOTHING!"..your last singular line, is so stark and final.." God, he's right" I can feel the total surrender and acceptance in your voice...he has won this battle , but not the war. I have spouts of anxiety and this is exactly how this feels..you have described this feeling so well, exactly how it appears to be.."He's been lurking waiting for a trigger for just the right moment An evil specter unleashed "an evil specter" Excellency description, so BLACK and much to LOUD. Oh and what a visual you have painted here..such a powerful image indeed. "God, it's unbearable! Too much Too LOUD I'm sucked down enveloped I can do nothing save curl in a ball Grabbing my head Clutching my stomach Gasping Panting" I know exactly how this feels..You have done an excellent job on writing on your subject, they say we do our best writing based on what we know and understand..and you have done an exceptional job of this. Thanks for sharing this experience with us.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-03-14 15:50:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Very painful poem of despair which echos loudy and dramatically from the page Old Friend "You're a FRAUD!" Good personification which grabs us by the collar and shakes us out of apathy as readers. It's the booming black voice Christ, I thought he was long gone a little unclear to me as I thought for a second it was a direct reference to the idea of Christ - "I though he was long gone" - as an ultimate vison of the narrrator's sorrow and lack of redemptive hope but "he" is not in caps and the later part of the poem suggests it is exclamation Christ! Which might be better set off by punctuation unless the ambiguity is intentional Just a dreadful memory But he's BACK He's been lurking waiting for a trigger for just the right moment [An evil specter unleashed] too telling I think - the raw emotion of the subtle allusions in the rest of the poem are stronger. I'm smothered by a debilitating wave [-of misery] very powerful and convincing passage- "YOU CAN'T FOOL ME!" thse direct confrontational statement works well to keep out attention God, it's unbearable! Too much[,] Too LOUD you engage all our seneses and have us reeling with the narrator's plight I'm sucked down enveloped I can do nothing save curl in a ball Grabbing my head Clutching my stomach Gasping Panting "YOU'RE NOTHING!" God, he's right Yes, despair feels that way - certainly - it does - great ugly loud monster - and sometimes it takes all our power to kick him away and see him for the fraud he is [sort of like the man behind the curtain in the wizard of oz] powerful piece best always Rach

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-03-14 15:40:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Ken, So pleased you were finally able to post this poem...that in itself must have been depressing. You speak of depression as another being...a demon that assults you when you are vunerable and unsuspecting. Depression can be so physically debilitating. About a year after my husband died I felt sick everyday... I was positive I had some newly invented disease for which there was no cure. After fighting it to no avail I finally decided to see my doctor for a professional opinion. When all his test were negative he told me I was depressed which I just couldn't believe. I just knew it was impossible to feel that bad because of depression...which, at the time, I did not think was a serious condition. Well I could have not been more wrong...so my heart and sympathy goes out to you....'I thought he was gone, just a dreadful memory..but he is back...he's been lurking.' I like the use of 'lurking' to describe your feelings because that is what depression does. It just lays dormant for a spell and when you are sure you have beaten it, it raises its ugly head one more time. You convey your feelings so well with your word choices and I find them gut wrenching to say the least....'smothered, debilitating, misery, unbearable, sucked down, curl in a ball, grabbing, clutching, gasping, panting,...all powerful words that glue this reader to the page hoping for some relief for the poet and herself....but.. 'YOUR NOTHING' God he's right.' only drives the point home that the poet is suffering beyond belief and sees no solace in sight. No one is 'nothing' I have lived long enough to know this and also have lived long enough to know that all things pass...all things come to an end. But waiting for it to pass can feel like an eternity to the person waiting. I only know you through your poetry but I feel that you are too hard on yourself...give yourself a break and think of the good you have inside...it is there I promise. Keep writing and think twice before you use the word 'cool' again! Peace....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2005-03-14 09:55:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Interesting Ken, to see a poem so aptly describe depression. What I like is the sembalance of how you phased the pain that accompanies depression. You draw a great mental image for the reader, where one is left with all nuances of what depression is all about. Yes, dehabilating to say the least, and many suffer from this malady, at least once, or maybe emore when the medical community finally understands it's a viable illness. Yes, the phrasing is perfect, the style applicable, sets the mood with great sensation and is emotional. You wrote a fine poem even though it was rejected inatially because of the word curl. (silly to think that would be a key word for rejection), it's amazing the word had never been used ein all the poetry TPL has received. It's a moving poem, and you make the reader feel the pain, the exhaustieon, all the sensations. A poem that creates a very descriptive picture. Easy I guess when one has experienced the mood, you caught it all. Best always, Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-14 09:42:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.92857
Well Poet, I must say ........Depression is bad and I am glad it passes.......this one certainly reflects a dark time in your life and hopefully it has come to pass...... My Old Friend.......did you consider depression an old friend? Some do you know........the way you have written You're a FRAUD.....YOU CAN"T FOOL ME....YOU'RE NOTHING.....ALL JUMP OUT AND SCREAM AT ME..... at least you have come to know and understand what it is and can fight it off.....send it away where it belongs.......after you deal with it first, very important thing to do...... I too expect arnie to make a search......... good work in allowing your structure and word flow to allow your emotions to come across. Thanks for posting, be safe, God Bless, Claire Remember never to forget how important you are to us here on the link and to so many others in your life......

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