Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-10 09:31:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

In your wake (an afterthought)

all the more reason to rhyme with obscurity to bend minds moons times unravel plots affirming humility upon mountain tops. all the more reason to tie trip sip stand and settle up settle scores seeping justice from leathered pores. all the more reason for no reason to love laugh through seasons unchanged unmasked basking in and mastering the haloed light. all the more reason for inspiration through desperation panting, begging, screaming “dynamo, dynamo, thou art me starry dynamo!” all the more reason reason lives leaving spontaneity lonely and I without a you.

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-05-05 08:43:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
Now that was easy to follow. I like your style and approach (most of the time). Excellent title. Dynamo huh? Must have been one hell of a lover! Thanks for posting. I'm in a hurry.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-05-02 00:24:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Audrey, Every time I turn around I'm reading your poetry. Which is just fine with me. The title works well considering the last line. This poem races down the page and has great rhythm accentuated by the phrase or line "all the more reason", which keeps the acceleration of your writing in perspective for the reader. And some great wording. Some of my favorites include. to bend minds moons times---------------------wow! to tie trip sip stand and settle up-----------------the rhythm here is musical all the more reason for inspiration through desperation panting, begging, screaming---------------this says a lot Shorter than usual, but I'm running out of words to describe your talent and varied writing. Your energy is amazing. Goodnight, Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2005-04-23 12:52:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Audrey, I feel as if I have started this journey into you. It isn't very often that I seek out one particular poet's work. By and large I believe that the poet has very little to do with the matter. A poem comes into existence because it has to and does so in it's own time. It seeks out someone who can give it voice, and once released goes it's seaprate way much like a child who time has come to leave home. This is only the 2nd work of yours that I have read, so this may be w-a-a-a-a-y too premature, but it would seem the muses are quite fond of you. Lines like, "leaving spontaneity lonely and I without you", are not lines that one "comes up" with. They are eloquent statememtns that come to those who are ready to hear them. You said in your brief bio, "I need all the criticism I can get". O.K. Stop writng in "spurts". Write every day. EVERY DAY. It isn't important that you write something worthy each time you write. It is however ctically important that you let the musses know that you are there for them and that you arre serious about your, "addiction". I would urge you to read more poetry. Read Robert Frost. Read William Carlos Williams, Read Richard Brautogan, Read Christina Rossetti. Read, Read, Read. I look forward to looking further into your work. You are very talented. Now get busy. Rick

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-04-21 10:33:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65000
Audrey: I love this poem! Title: In your wake (an afterthought) Wonderful free verse poem, consisting of 97 words formatted in short lines. I love the way the poem seems to pour down the page, leading the reader’s eye to the final line with ease. I especially enjoyed your fresh, vivacious use of verbs – for example: “rhyme/bend/unravel/tie/trip/sip/stand/settle” and especially “panting, begging, screaming”. Minds, moons, times, are bent, plots are unraveled and humility is strongly affirmed “upon mountain tops.” The poem has a powerful ‘beat’ generation motif. This is ecstatic imagery with melancholy undertone of missing “a you”, one who inspires such exalted writing. My favorite line: “dynamo, dynamo, thou art me starry dynamo!” This elicits a line from Ginsberg’s “Howl” – “angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night” Your final lines portray loss of connection with “a you” -- all the more reason reason lives leaving spontaneity lonely and I without a you. And thus we are ‘reasonable’ and ‘rational’ creatures, without the spontaneous spark. However, your poem glows with spark, and as such is one of the finest to grace this site for the month. It is legendary that Ginsberg kept many slogans over his desk, including “no revisions” and that is my suggestion for this poem. As is, is right on the beat! Brava! Best to you, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: hello haveaniceday On Date: 2005-04-16 16:30:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hi Audrey, I like this, it is more fun to read than to look at! It has a certain speed or pace because of its narrow form. I am reminded a bit of a beat poem, but what do I know... I do like the repetition of words and the rhyme jam you've got going on. It's a loose and almost rap-ish poem. I like it. Barb

This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-14 10:35:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Audrey, This is a poem that wants you to reread it over and over. The structure of this poem compells you to read the strong words think about what each word means, then pulls you forward to the next word. Such emotional and angry thoughts.... then you break down, cry and and are resolved to be without him. A heavy poem with well written lines. Thanks so much for sharing it. Helen

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!