This Poem was Submitted By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-14 10:53:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Ripples of Love The tides have summoned me
Changes of the heart
A scaling of flesh
Masquerade before me
As it quickens
A last tear is shed
A love that could not survive
No children to bear
Nor ripening of age
It had to be this way
But there will always be
Yeaterday's cresent moons
Thrust deep within us
And when you see a ripple
Upon that lake of ours
That's my tear
To remind you of our love. |
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Copyright © April 2005 Helen C DOWNEY
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-04 06:19:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.32075
Ripples of Love......a very nice title with allot of pulling at the reader wanting more......good structure, word flow, easy read with images especially in closing ......
And when you see a ripple upon that lake of ours
That's my tear to remind you of our love........so touching poet, filled with emotions.....thanks for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2005-04-26 04:21:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.66667
Helen,
what a wistfully beautiful piece. From the opening, "tides have summoned me" we are drawn into this piece. These changes of heart are in fact a scaling of flesh. Caught in our own, or someone else's masquerade until we realize at last, "no, this is no disguise. This is me." And yes, there will always be yeatersay's crescent
moon "thrust" into us. I my case it is almost always a left handed moon. And that tear that forever ripples across the lake is, after all, part of that same tide that summons.
What a beatifully forthcoming work.
Rick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-18 15:28:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Oh, such passion in your sorrow. Beauitfully written, and such stunniing imagrey.'yesterdays cresent moons thrust deep within us' - powerful. Thank you for sharing this piece of you with us.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-04-15 22:51:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Helen,
Welcome to the Poeticlink.
This was a poem that literally 'rippled' with the undertones of a failed hope in love and the after effect that takes its shape in the form of desire and regret.
The title "Ripples of Love", is apt, as ripples denote a sense of a chain of movement. It starts at a point and progresses further down the line. The ripples referred to in your piece would have to denote the start of a relationship and its consequent fall out causing an after-shock of regret and constant longing for the past which upsets the overall tranquility in the poet's life.
'The tides have summoned me
Changes of the heart
A scaling of flesh
Masquerade before me
As it quickens'
These first five lines set the stage for the poem in telling us more about this relationship and your mental disposition at the time. 'Changes of the heart.....as it quickens'..... reference to the racing heartbeat and your anxiety at this time of crises.
A last tear is shed
A love that could not survive
No children to bear
Nor ripening of age
In these next four lines, we see a picture of hopelessness...a line has been drawn and the sense is final. The 'grow old with me' charm of love has failed.
It had to be this way
But there will always be
Yeaterday's cresent moons
Thrust deep within us
And when you see a ripple
Upon that lake of ours
That's my tear
To remind you of our love.
"It had to be this way", the poet goes onto say, telling us readers that this was a doomed relationship to begin with. However, we also learn that the poet is somehow still hanging on to the memories and 'yesterday's crescent moons'. The ending was beautiful with it's sense of nostalgia and sensitivity "upon that lake of ours, that's my tear...."
Poet, this poem gives us a lot to know about your state of mind, thoughts and feelings abou this particular relationship in your life and from what I gather, you are still holding on to the past because you believed in it and it disappointed you.
This was a very direct poem with no deep symbolism or hidden meaning (you told it like it is) and it flowed well in free verse from start to finsih. Reader's might be curious to know what caused this break-up but that is purely your discretion as you are the poet.
Take Care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: John Dean On Date: 2005-04-14 16:58:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.66667
Thankyou Helen, a moving and tender poem. I particularly liked the line "yesterday's crescent moons"...........and the image of the tear falling in the lake..........John.
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